Questions I Asked My Kids

I hope all my American family and friends enjoyed a very happy Thanksgiving. I miss the days of gathering at Grandma’s house. We’d feast, we’d slip into a turkey coma for a bit then we’d play some football in the front yard. I wish the boys were able to experience it, too. Not to worry though, we’ve got our own traditions going. We normally cook a turkey and stuff today to celebrate. However, today was just too crazy. This weekend will be for putting up outdoor decorations. As of this typing the only decorations we have up are the count down chain that’s currenly at 32 more sleeps. Have you started decorating yet?

1. What would be the best Christmas present for you?

Crash: A million bucks

Bang: Bey Blade Burst

2. What would be the worst Christmas present for you to get?

Crash: underwear

Bang: Coal, sticks and blueberries

3. What’s your favorite smell?

Crash: The lemon orange and cinnamon you boil on the stove

Bang: Hockey players

4. What’s your favorite thing about dad?

Crash: That you have cool glasses

Bang: That he’s really skinny, too, and not fluffy

5. What’s your favorite thing about mom?

Crash: That she lays with me for a long time at bedtime

Bang: That’s she’s really fluffy

6. Where is your favorite place in the house?

Crash: Living room where the Nintendo Switch is

Bang: In the basement or living room

7. Where is your favorite place to hide when we play Hide-n-Seek?

Crash: In the box in my closet

Bang: Basement corner in the toy room

8. What’s your favorite time of the day?

Crash: I like it from 8:30 to 4:30

Bang: When we have gym at school

9. What’s your favorite word?

Crash: Lightning

Bang: Boobies

10. What part of your body is your favorite?

Crash: My Hair

Bang: My ribs

If you ever question where else you can you find me, look no further than Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Letters to my Daughter

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Questions I Asked My Kids: ep55

1. If you opened a store what would you name it and what would you sell?

Crash: I would name it RC Cars and Trucks and and sell remote controlled vehicles – cars, trucks, hamsters, drones…
Bang: I would sell cans of soda, chips, some cakes and name it “The Junk Store”

2. If you could grow anything in the garden, what would you grow?

Crash: Jack’s giant beanstalk
Bang: More of me

3. If your stuffie could talk, what would it say?

Crash: He would say a lot of stuff like Lets play Minecraft and Can we snuggle?
Bang: I love you (and mom and dad, too)

4. If you were to draw me a picture right this instant, what would you draw?

Crash: I would draw that car on TV that goes 360 miles per hour
Bang: Scribbles

5. What sound do you like?

Crash: Chicken noises
Bang: Cats purring and sneezing dogs and cannons blowing off because they’re sounds I can make

6. If you could ask a wild animal anything what would you ask it?

Crash: I would ask a cheetah, “Can I adopt you?” so when I miss the bus we can zoom there
Bang: I’d ask a giraffe to lift me way way high

7. If animals could drive, which one would be the most fun to ride with?

Crash: An elephant
Bang: A giraffe

elephant+car

8. What are three things you want to do this winter?

Crash: Build an igloo, have a snowball fight, and snowboard
Bang: Snowball fight, jump in gigantic snow piles and biff Frizbees

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Crash: A racecar driver… actually no. A robot designer
Bang: A cat sitter

10. What’s the funniest word you know?

Crash: Quack
Bang: Poopy (then whispers “type a-r-s-e”)

1zitxo

Go Ask Your Father: Yogurts, Bats, Parrot Speech, and Light Years

I’m a sucker for those sappy, highly predictable Christmas movies. Lucky for us there’s a channel for that. DW and I started watching one before supper. Christmas In The Air. We didn’t have time to finish it before the boys’ bedtime, though. Thankfully, with today’s technology, we can record TV without a big, clunky VCR. With the heathens are asleep, tucked in their beds with visions of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails dancing in their heads, DW and I made ourselves comfy cozy on the couch. I with my blog and her with her crocheting, a couple glasses of wine and the sappy, highly predictable movie we started earlier. It did snow here, today. It was also freezing cold. Winter is coming and Christmas is just a couple corners away. 44 corners, to be exact.

What’s the difference between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt?

I really don’t care. They’re both gross to me. The boys, however, both enjoy their yogurt for a bedtime snack. Bang loves his plain vanilla stuff while his brother enjoys berries in his. Except, just recently, he discovered a seasonal flavor – pumpkin spice Greek yogurt. This kind of yogurt is strained more than the regular stuff. This takes out the whey – the watery part of yogurt. Taking the whey out also removes the sugar and carbs. Sugar and carbs are the bad guys these day. They’re the assholes of the food world. It used to be fat, but fat got pardoned. Sugar and carbs have become the Bonnie and Clyde. That’s another difference – Greek yogurt is higher in fat and lower in sugar and carbs than regular yogurt. It also has more protein which means it will keep you feeling full longer than that sugary regular stuff.

Why can’t bats stand upright?

It sounds like the opening line of a joke. Like a hockey joke that goes “Why don’t Canadians drink tea? Because the Americans have all the cups”. Bats, however, are no joke. They can’t stand up. Their legs are too short and undeveloped for standing. They’re perfect for hanging, though. This is good because it’s the only way the bats will achieve flight. With legs shorter than the Maple Leafs win streak they can’t achieve enough lift from the ground. They can climb, though. So they climb to gain height then fall into flight. Like me sledding off my neighbor’s garage roof.

If parrots don’t have vocal cords how do they talk?

While some parrots, like our Piper bird, learn just a few words, other can learn nearly 2,000. It is true that parrots do not have vocal cords. I know a few people who shouldn’t have them, either. I won’t name any presidential names. Since they have no vocal cords, they use a syrinx. Located at the base of their trachea, its walls vibrate as air passes through it. By adjusting the tension of the syrinx, they can change the sound. In this manner they mimic everything from the smoke detector, to other animals, and learn speech. Alex, an African Grey parrot, understood categorization like “same and different” and “bigger and smaller”. He could identify objects by their shape (“Three-corner”, “Four-corner”, up to “Six-corner”) and material: when shown a pom-pom or a wooden block, he could answer “Wool” or “Wood” correctly as often as a presidential tweet made no sense. Alex could identify the difference between yellow and green same-sized objects by saying “Color” or identify a larger one by naming its color. If asked what the difference was between two identical blue keys, Alex learned to reply, “none.”

What’s a light year?

It’s to infinity and beyond! It’s not a measurement of time, as the word year might suggest. Instead, it’s a measure of distance. It’s the distance light travels in one year. Since it can travel 186,000 miles in one second, you can just imagine how far it goes in a year. You have to multiply that one second by 60 seconds in a minute. Then multiply that by 60 minutes in an hour. Then multiply that by 24 hours in a day. Then multiply that by 365 days in a year. 186,000 x 60 x 60 x 24 x 365 = about 5 trillion 900 billion miles. For comparison, the sun is only 8 light minutes aways. Alpha Centauri, the nearest star to Earth, is 4.4 light years away. For comparison, if the distance between Earth and sun were shrunk to an inch, Alpha Centauri would be four and half miles away. Our universe is huge. In fact, it’s so huge that light hasn’t had enough time to travel from one side to the other of it. Yet, here we are, on this little, blue marble hurtling through all of it.

Questions I Asked My Kids: Ep 54

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It was that time again. My 17th time in Canada, to be exact. I gave 16 times in the US. I’m done until January now. I gave blood this evening and as usual, the boys joined me. Bang is so curious. The nurse who took my blood was seriously impressed. He watched her swab my arm to clean it. He watched her put the needle in and fill the bag for testing. He then wandered over to watch a teacher from his school have her arm pierced, too. Then he watched the nurse pull the needle from my arm. He wanted to see where the needle had gone it but I didn’t remove the gauze for fear of blood spurting out and me bleeding out. The nurse even let him feel the bag that contained my pint of blood. He was intrigued by how warm it was.

If all goes as planned, he still wants to be a neurosurgeon when he grows up.


1. Where does wind come from?

Crash: Warm air collides with cold air and they make wind some how
Bang: Trees sneezing because I know what humility is (for the full explanation, see Instagram)

2. Why do I give blood?

Crash: So that if people have surgery, like me for example, and they need blood then they can use yours
Bang: So it doesn’t rot and you die

3. Will you give blood when you are old enough?

Crash: Yeah, if they invent a needle that you can’t feel at all. And I mean at all.
Bang: No, because I don’t want to get a needle

4. If you could change anything about our family what would it be?

Crash: Nothing or that my brother is never annoying making supid faces or makes fun of me when I’m humming
Bang: Our last names… we’d be the Michaels

5. What is your biggest worry?

Crash: That the sun will eventually will grow big and cover up all the planets and make Pluto warm
Bang: When I came in the house and no one was here and there was creepy music on but dad was really just hiding upstairs (I did this for Halloween)

6. Where is somewhere you would never want to live?

Crash: Afganistan because there’s war there
Bang: In Africa because their dances are really hard (he had an African dance/drum demonstration in school today)

7. If Taylor Swift came to our house right now, what would you tell her?

Crash: First I’d call my friend because she’s a “Swifty” then I’d tell Taylor to sing I Came In Like A Wrecking Ball I mean All About That bass No! Not that one… Shake It Off
Bang: To sing Shake It Off

8. Why do you not like to go to bed?

Crash: It takes me forever to fall asleep and there’s a ton of better things I could do like livestream Minecraft on YouTube all night
Bang: Because I want to stay up late and watch Justin Time on TV

9. How much wine will mom and dad drink after you go to bed?

Crash: 3 cups then fall asleep under the table
Bang: 15 million gallons

10. Which book character do you wish you could meet?

Crash: Alex and Conner from Land of Stories (I, Crash, highly recommend that one!)
Bang: Martha the trucker because I want to sit in the driver seat and drive a transfer truck

 

Every question where you can follow me? I have an answer for that…. Twitter, Facebook and Instagram

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10 Questions I Asked My Kids

Day 7 of 7 day of black and white photographs of my life. No people. No explanations.

Thanks Sandra for nominating me for this challenge! I nominate DW.


Dumb 10 frames! I want to do algebra!

These two sentence were uttered during our trick-or-treating trek. We happened upon a house who’s owner works at the boys’ school. Six year old Bang decided to wow her with his knowledge of algebra.

I know algebra! 4 plus A equals 8. A equals 4. But I know harder ones too. 4 plus A equals 1. A equals minus 3.

I taught him this in just a few minutes one day and now he’s hooked. I taught him addition with carrying, too. It only took him three problems to figure that out. He loves it. My next step will be to teach him subtraction with borrowing. He catches on to math concepts so quickly. Crash and I are jealous! I know exactly where I’ll get some worksheets for him to do, too. Education.com is great for teachers, parents, teacher-parents, and students. There are themed worksheet generators, games, mazes and they cover content across the curriculum from primary (kindergarten) to 5th grade.

Make a splash and practice 3-digit subtraction with Education.com’s kayaking-themed worksheet. Kids can get more fun subtraction activities here.

Disclosure: The opinions expressed here are entirely my own. The affiliate expressed permission to appear on this blog at my discretion. Links were provided by the affiliate. I was not compensated for this promotion.

subtractsubtract answers


1. Who is your favorite TV/book/story character and what do you like about him/her?

Crash: Raven from Teen Titans Go, because I like that show.
Bang: Justin Time because they do fun sorts of stuff like going to the moon

2. What’s one thing you would change about Dad?

Crash: You would say yes to everything I want you to say yes to and no to everything I want you to say no to.
Bang: You never have to clean

3. What’s one thing you would change about Mom?

Crash: Nothing
Bang: I would change Mom to love Splatoon 2

4. What’s one thing you would change about yourself?

Crash: Get rid of the flakey stuff in my hair
Bang: I would never have to sleep and I can have baths all day

5. Where do clouds come from?

Crash: They’re made from water vapor when sun heats up water and it goes up and makes clouds
Bang: The sun evaporates water and the sun makes the warm air into cold air which is the cloud

6. How much do humpback whales weigh?

Crash: 5 metric tons (converts to 33,000 pounds)
Bang: 15 million pounds

Actual weight: 50-80,000 pounds

7. If you had $20, what would you do with it?

Crash: Buy a Google Play card then buy a car from “Drive Ahead” and games and books
Bang: I would save it to get a hatchimal

8. If we got a boat, what could we name it?

Crash: S.S. Wood
Bang: The Navy Ship

9. Who is the most beautiful person in the world?

Crash: Me (I was neither surprised nor impressed with this answer)
Bang: Mom

10. How did you help someone today?

Crash: I was climbing with a friend at school and she slipped and I grabbed her hand so she wouldn’t fall
Bang: I helped my friends have fun by playing with them

Questions I Asked My Kids: The Mom Edition

“Day two. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.”

Thanks, A Momma’s View for the challenge


If you recall, last week was the one year anniversary of the questions episodes. I asked 23 questions all about Dad. This week, I’ve flipped it and made it all about Mom.

Mom Mom, she’s the bomb/ Rockin all night until the break of dawn…

She’s the crazy glue holding us all together. She’s the Jedi using the force to bend wills with her mind. She’s got the one ring to rule us all. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. But all we really need to know is “because she said so, that why.”

As always, feel free to steal these questions to ask your own kids (no matter how old they are). Just be sure to tag me so I can read their answers.

1. What is something Mom always says to you?
Crash: “Go clean something” or “Get ready for school!”
Bang: Get upstairs

2. What makes Mom happy?
Crash: Trips and vacations
Bang: When Piper gives mom kisses

3. What makes Mom sad?
Crash: When she thinks of Guppie
Bang: When Piper bites mom instead of giving kisses

4. How does Mom make you laugh?
Crash: By making seriously stupid faces
Bang: When she stomps and claps when she’s copying my brother

5. What was Mom like as a child?
Crash: She liked to do crafts and play outside
Bang: She liked to play around and she loved to eat

6. How old is Mom?
Crash: 40
Bang: 40 and a hav (he typed it himself)

7. How tall is Mom?
Crash: 73cm
Bang: 8 feet

8. What is Mom’s favorite thing to do?
Crash: Color her weird circle coloring things
Bang: sleep

9. What does Mom do when you’re not here?
Crash: Clean the house and deal with work kinda sorta work situation thingys
Bang: Clean

10. If Mom becomes famous what will it be for?
Crash: For her hugs, she nearly squeezes my eye balls out!
Bang: Going on stage with Ellen DeGeneres

11. What is Mom really good at?
Crash: Making sure I have everything when I’m going somewhere like Nan’s or school
Bang: Cleaning

12. What is Mom not very good at?
Crash: Play Mario Kart. She says “Bastard bastard”
Bang: Going to sleep

13. What is Mom’s job?
Crash: Adult teacher
Bang: Working at work

14. What makes you proud of Mom?
Crash: Get through work days, pay the bills and keep me alive (Feed me, shelter me, etc…)
Bang: I can’t think of anything except cleaning

15. What is Mom ’s favourite food?
Crash: Chocolate macaroons
Bang: Keto diet pie!

16. What do you and Mom do together?
Crash: Snuggle and play Mario Kart sometimes
Bang: Sleep. She goes on that side of my bed and I go on this side and we sleep together

17. How are you and Mom the same?
Crash: We have the same last name and we both like chocolate
Bang: We both go to sleep at the same time and we both have a heart and brain and hands

18. If your Mom was a cartoon character who would he be?
Crash: Either Starfire from Teen Titans Go, or Diasy from Mickey Mouse
Bang: Padme Amadala

19. How are you and Mom different?
Crash: We have different middle names, She cleans and I don’t
Bang: We don’t have the same brain or skin color and she has bigger boobier boobies

20. How do you know Mom loves you?
Crash: She snuggles me and lays with me, but she doesn’t scratch my back
Bang: She kisses me

21. What does Mom like best about Dad?
Crash: That you shave your beard and you can be very silly sometimes
Bang: That you’re married and you kiss each other

22. Where is Mom ’s favorite place to go?
Crash: Home
Bang: Haunted houses

23. How old was Mom when you were born?
Crash: 30
Bang: 10

If you’re questioning where else you can follow me, look no further than Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

DW doesn’t fake sleep, she real sleeps.

 

10 Reasons My Kids Are A-Holes

I wrote once that I wanted to keep my kids from being a-holes so that when they grew up they could be respectful, contributing citizens of wherever they live.

But right now? Right now they’re a-holes. Especially, to each other. I thought it was just a phase. I thought it would pass. It’s been 10 and 6 years. It hasn’t passed.

1. He used to LOVE bananas.

Now they’re too “mushy” and won’t touch them. Even the unripe, green bananas are too mushy for him now. He liked them last week. Today he hates them. There were two fruits he would eat, the other being apples. If they weren’t mushy. He likes mushy food. He practically lives off mashed potatoes. He’s like that with other foods, too. He will eat carrots unless you tell him there’s carrots in his meal. The only meat he’ll eat that’s not mashed into mashed potatoes is ham and haddock. Simply put, he’s a typical picky eater. The silver lining here is that we no longer have a fruit fly farm.

2. His toast was cut into too many triangles.

Now he won’t touch it. He wanted it cut into two triangles, diagonally. I forgot to ask and I cut into four triangles. I might as well have spread bananas across it. I remember a time when my uncle was trying to prepare a hotdog for this same child. Naturally, he got it wrong the first time. After he was told by said 4 year old child what to do he tried to rectify the situation. It still wasn’t right. Why? Because you can never please an asshole child. It’s not that the bar is set too high. It’s that there is no f***ing bar.

3. He killed his brother just watch him die.

They like to play Lego Star Wars for the Wii. First off, it’s Star Wars! Second off, it’s Lego! It’s a great work together kind of game. Therefore as long as they’re playing nice I don’t mind giving them some extra screen time. The problem is, they often don’t play nice. Bang gets stuck and his big brother won’t help. Instead, he starts shooting his blaster at him. Or, even better, goes all Dark Side and kills him with a light saber. The sole reason? Just to watch his little brother’s character explode into tiny Lego pieces, killed him on purpose like he’s Johnny Cash’s Folsom Prison Blues.

4. He’s not being nice to his brother’s stuffie.

Crash loves his stuffies. He has a queen size bed (hand me down) and what space his little-no-so-little body doesn’t use is taken up by stuffies. He treats them as if they were real animals. It’s the Velveteen Rabbit all over again, minus the scarlet fever. It’s good to see him so loving and caring and gentle. I just wish he’d treat his brother similarly. His brother, on the other hand, fully understands the stuffies aren’t real. They can’t be hurt. It doesn’t matter how hard or often you throw them against the wall they won’t talk. It doesn’t matter how many times you jump on their head, they just won’t cry. But you know… it’s all in the name of pissing off your brother for killing you on purpose.

5. He didn’t share the last of the ice cream.

Imagine having three scoops of ice cream left. I know it’s hard to picture, but just try. Just a little bit left that didn’t get eaten. Perhaps it was saved for later, like after the kids go to bed, but then you fell asleep with the kids and didn’t get to eat it. Then, after supper the oldest child finds it while looking for dessert because God forbid he not get dessert. Then he proceeds to clean out the tub and lick it clean. Meanwhile, his little brother gets nothing. I made sure little brother got extra cookies to make big brother jealous, too. Unfortunately, this isn’t a phase, though we’re trying our hardest to teach them to do good.

6. He doesn’t hold the door open.

He lets it slam on the person behind him. Could be me, his mother, his little brother. He gets through the door and he doesn’t let it hit him on the ass on his way out. This goes for both little heathens. Even getting into the truck, they absolutely refuse to let each other in “their side” unless strictly requested. Fortunately, this is only at home and in the truck. But still…

7. I mopped the floor last night.

This morning they are eating pancakes on the living room floor. Sticky, syrupy pancakes.

“That’s okay. I love to be your maid”
~No Parent Ever

  • They’re tracking muddy shoes across a freshly vacuumed floor.
  • They’re flinging toothpaste on a freshly cleaned bathroom mirror
  • They’re jumping on a freshly made bed
  • They peed on the toilet that I just finished cleaning pee off
  • They put a dirty dish in a sink that I just emptied by washing and drying all the dirty dishes that were in it.
  • They spilled strawberry jam on a counter I scrubbed clean 30 seconds ago
  • They dumped the crayon bucket to find peach on a kitchen table I just cleared off for supper

No doubt, whatever it was that was just cleaned will be wrecked in 30 seconds or less or the next one’s free.

8. He’s aiming a Nerf gun at his brother.

While I enjoy a good Nerf gun fight, they can’t be had in our house for a couple reasons. When we start a fight it’s all fun and games. Then someone runs out of darts and has to call a timeout. During the timeout someone gets tired of waiting starts shooting. The victim then proceeds to go batshit crazy. The second scenario is that the game ends except someone doesn’t know it ended and continues firing. Like the USS Shenandoah that continued to chase down and sink Union ships six months after the Confederacy collapsed. Which brings us to the second reason. The youngest hates to have darts shot at him. Whether he was shot at close range, had his eye shot out, or took one to the face, or all of the above, he hates to even have a Nerf gun pointed at him. Loaded or not. Johnny could easily have sung, I shot my brother just to hear him scream”.

9. I told him not to touch the cart.

Then, he touched the cart. It’s a stupid rule. Both Crash and I know it’s a stupid rule. Neither one us are allowed to touch the shopping cart. That’s Bang’s job. He has passed up a trip to the bookstore and the promise of picking out books to go grocery shopping just so he can push the cart. He does not want help with it, either. So the rule is, don’t touch the cart. I will not subject you to hearing the hissy fit that occurrs when the cart is touched.

10. He farted.

In the truck. At the table. In the living room. While brushing his teeth. In his brother’s room. The stench from it is enough to peel the paint off the walls. It’s all fun and games and hilarious when he does it. Guess what ensues when someone else does it? All Hell? Yeah, it breaks loose. Oh sure, farts are hilarious, but only when they’re your own. We easily know who dropped a destroyer because the other will lose his shit.

*Disclaimer: They are not like this all the time. I picked out specific instances that they did jerk things. Hopefully, to provide humor and solace to those have kids who do asshole things, too. We love our two assholes very dearly.

If you’re not an A-Hole you can follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.


Lucy At Home

23 Questions I Asked My Kids: The 2 Year Anniversary

This is the origin of the “Questions I Asked My Kids” series that appears here every Thursday. Or most Thursdays. This is the 52nd episode, the one year episode. I have asked 10 questions every Thursday for an entire year. 520 questions. Except the pilot episode had 23. Of course, sometimes questions were repeated just to see if they would give the same answer.

In honor of those first 23 questions, I thought I’d revisit them. It took me more than two years to ask a year’s worth of questions. The pilot first appeared in June of 2015. Crash was just 8 and Bang 4. You can read Bang’s answers here and Crash’s are here. As always, feel free to steal these questions to ask your own kids (no matter how old they are). Just be sure to tag me so I can read their answers.

1. What is something Dad always says to you?
Crash: No
Bang: Get ready for bed!

2. What makes Dad happy?
Crash: When the Orioles win or Splatoon 2
Bang: When I do chores

3. What makes Dad sad?
Crash: When the Orioles lose or my brother and I aren’t good listeners.
Bang: When you couldn’t get the chocolate sugar cookies because mom made you put them back (I got vanilla ones instead)

4. How does Dad make you laugh?
Crash: By saying “I’m Bri’ish. I drive on the other side of the road” in a British accent.
Bang: By stomping and clapping when you make fun of my brother

5. What was Dad like as a child?
Crash: You had hair for one and you liked going outside and playing baseball
Bang: You behaved good but were a little bit bad and liked to run around and scream

6. How old is Dad?
Crash: 40
Bang: 41

7. How tall is Dad?
Crash: 5’4 or 5’9 or 5′ something
Bang: 21 feet

8. What is Dad’s favorite thing to do?
Crash: Go outside or watch the Orioles
Bang: Teach in gym

9. What does Dad do when you’re not here?
Crash: Clean and play Splatoon 2
Bang: Wash dishes, watch TV, play Splatoon and crawl around on the floor

10. If Dad becomes famous what will it be for?
Crash: Teaching, I guess
Bang: Being in a book that says dad dad dad dad dad dad

11. What is Dad really good at?
Crash: Aiming snowballs like that time I was running away from you and you hit me in the back of the head.
Bang: Cleaning the house and teaching gym

12. What is Dad not very good at?
Crash: You’re not very good at surviving in Splatoon 2 and remembering stuff
Bang: Playing baseball on the Nintendo Switch. When we play I always beat you

13. What is Dad’s job?
Crash: Teaching but it’s not your official job. You don’t have an official job, you’re just a substitute.
Bang: Teaching gym

14. What makes you proud of Dad?
Crash: That you love me and pack my lunch and awesome super amazing best dad ever
Bang: Making my bed

15. What is Dad’s favourite food?
Crash: Apple pie
Bang: Peanuts and roast beef

16. What do you and Dad do together?
Crash: We used to play Minecraft together but you don’t play any more. Now we build lego, go ice skating
Bang: We play Uno, we skate together

17. How are you and Dad the same?
Crash: Our big caterpillar eyebrows!
Bang: We love pop

18. If your Dad was a cartoon character who would he be?
Crash: Snow white
Bang: Harry Potter

19. How are you and Dad different?
Crash: I have hair and you don’t. I play Minecraft, you don’t. You wear glasses, we read different books
Bang: I can’t drink beer but you can (but I don’t, I prefer wine)

20. How do you know Dad loves you?
Crash: Feed me, shelter me, scratch my back
Bang: He lays with me

21. What does Dad like best about Mom?
Crash: Her hair and her boobs
Bang: Her ding dong (that’s her belly button)

22. Where is Dad’s favorite place to go?
Crash: The living room couch
Bang: McDonalds and the Margarita shop

23. How old was Dad when you were born?
Crash: 30
Bang: 16

If you’re questioning where else you can follow me, look no further than Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Questions I Asked My Kids: Ep49

In case you haven’t looked at a calendar recently, today is Thursday. That means questions. This being the 49th, thereby the next being the 50th (I’m a math whiz like that), I have a little something planned for next week. Then two weeks after that will be the 52nd. One year of questions and I still haven’t asked them as many as they asked me today. As always, feel free to ask your kids, spouse, parents, some one elses kids or spouse or parents these questions. Just remember to tag me so I can get a laugh, too…

Now it’s time for some Grey’s Anatomy. Have you seen “The Good Doctor”? That’s the one about the autistic doctor. It’s really good. And, of course, “This Is Us” is just amazeballs.

1. Who is your favorite movie character?

Crash: R2D2
Bang: Stitch

2. If you could wake up tomorrow with a superpower, what superpower would you want to have?

Crash: Superspeed, fast motion mode so I could things really fast and really really neatly like clean the basement because that usually takes me an hour or two.
Bang: Super huge fists so I could punch bandits in the face

3. If you could have any 3 wishes granted, what would you wish for?

Crash: To meet DanTDM (Minecraft Youtuber), go on my tablet whenever I want, and that Nan would heal her arm faster (She broke her arm/shoulder last Friday)
Bang: More video games, To be in grade 4 so I could be an alter server, and stay up late every night

4. If all your clothes could only be one color, what color would you choose?

Crash: Green
Bang: Green… NO! blue.

5. If you could be a sound, what would it be?

Crash: Most likely a siren or a dirt bike engine
Bang: Hee Haw! like a donkey

6. What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you?

Crash: I was hit in the head by dad with a snowball while I was running away from him.
Bang: I haven’t even a clue… OH! I made Sharon (in the church choir) laugh by putting my fingers up to show her how charged my memory was for singing

7. If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be, and why?

Crash: Rhyman, because it’s my username for everything
Bang: Superman because I have a superman shirt and blue shorts…. or blackman because he saves people

8. What’s the coolest thing you saw someone do today?

Crash: I saw Terry (the school’s building manager) on the roof
Bang: My teacher did a magic trick. He put a red marker in his pocket then pulls out a black marker. But I knew how he did it beacuse he pulled it out of a different pocket

9. What are you proudest of in your life?

Crash: My name and my scar on my chest
Bang: That I sing in the church choir

10. If you could attach an animal part to yourself, what animal part would you want to have?

Crash: Either a cat tail or a fox tail, but probably a fox tail
Bang: I would want turkey feathers to tickle mom and say gobble gobble

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Questions I Asked My Kids: Ep48

Canadian Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Monday, to be precise. One day of work left until we hit homestretch. Tomorrow, I’ll be in a 1st and 2nd grade French class. Those 6 and 7 year olds will know far more French than I do. Unless they ask, “Puis-je aller aux toilettes?” I won’t have a clue what they’re saying. So they’ll get to speak English. They’ll be thankful for that. And so will I. There’s that silver lining I love so much.

1. If we had an airplane to take us on vacation right now, where would we go?

Crash: Legoland
Bang: South Korea

2. If we could go to Halifax but couldn’t use a car to get there, how do you think we could get there?

Crash: Giraffe because we could see everything since they’re so tall. I would name mine Steve.
Bang: In a plane

3. If you could have any animal in the world as a pet, where would you go to get it and what would it be?

Crash: I would get an eagle or a fox and I would get them from Hope for Wildlife.
Bang: It would be a giraffe and I would get it at the zoo so I could high high high and look in his mouth to see its 20 inch tongue

4. If you could do something just like your friend what would you do?

Crash: Stay up until 1:00 in the morning Snap Chatting
Bang: Speak French like Nolan. I can’t speak French, but I can speak British.

5. If you could change anything about school what would it be?

Crash: The amount of recess and phys. ed. time. More of both!
Bang: We don’t have to do work. We would play instead.

6. If you could change your name, would you want to and what name would you choose instead?

Crash: Luke, I guess.
Bang: Repooc

7. If you could build anything in the backyard, what would it be?

Crash: I would build a massive tree house that is significantly big with 3 stories.
Bang: I would build a wooden dog because I want a dog.

8. What’s your favorite smell?

Crash: Cookies or pizza
Bang: Bath bombs and mom’s perfume

9. Did anything happen in school to make you laugh?

Crash: Yeah. sort of… it was on the bus. Me and Matthew were sitting next to each other and we weren’t talking about real people, but we said if there were any girls who liked us but we didn’t like them we’d say, “here kiss my hand”.
Bang: Telling funny jokes on the teeter totter

10. What should we make a video about with the GoPro?

Crash: A video of me on my skateboard on a really big ramp at a skate park
Bang: Make a video about building Lego. I’ll build a windmill.

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