Go Ask Your Father: Goose, First People, Anuses, and Staying Up Late

The sun! The heat! The grass is growing fast than the boys, which I didn’t think was possible. The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. (Thank for that line Jimmy Buffet) I just realized you can change the meaning of that statement with a simple coma. Wish you were, beautiful.

Bang is here crushing my candy. He beat a level for me, as he commonly does.
Me: Thanks for beating that level for me, bud.
Bang: You’re obviously welcome. I am the master, you know.

1. What’s a baby goose called?

A baby oyster is a spat. A baby kangaroo is a joey. A baby jellyfish is an ephyna. A baby pigeon is a squab. A baby spider is a spiderling. A baby alpaca is a cria. Many animals are pups or calves or chicks. A baby goose, though? That’s a gosling. Like the Ryan some females tend to drool over like I drool over a cheeseburger. It’s an old word, apparently. It’s from the Old Norse gǽslingr, from gás ‘goose’ + -ling. You know something else that is Old Norse? Thor, the God of Thunder.

canada-gosling

a baby goose

ryan-gosling_cannes-63rd

not a baby goose

 

 

 

 

 

2. Who were the first people on Earth?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask Ken Ham the Christian Fundamentalist, Adam and Eve were the first people. He also believes the Earth was created 6,000 years ago. However, if you ask Bill Nye the Science Guy (BILL BILL BILL) the Earth is four and half billion years old and the first humans evolved from apes and human evolved around 2.8 million years ago. But that’s arguable among scientists. Just because it looks human doesn’t necessarily make it human. Did it use tools? How did it get food? How smart was it. I know some people who still haven’t quite finished evolving from their neanderthal status.

3. What’s an anus*?

Here’s how it happened. We were watching a video on YouTube and a family was at a science museum. They were looking at planets. The dad says, “There’s yer-anus.” His son then asks, “My anus?” And then Bang asks his question. The simple answer? It’s the hole your poop comes out. The long answer? It’s the end of your digestive tract. Food leaves your small intestines (10′ long) and enters your large intestines (5′ long). This is comprised of the ascending colon, the transverse colon, the descending colon and the sigmoid colon. From there it’s stored in the rectum until it’s ready for expulsion. Whether you’re ready or not.

*also called – one eyed pirate, the stink eye, a poop chute, President…

4. Can I stay up late?

If you have wee ones you have heard this question many times, no doubt. If you read Go Ask Your Father you have read this question before. Tonight, Crash is at a friend’s house for a sleepover. It’ll be the first time he’s gone farther from Nanny’s for a sleepover without his parents. So it’s just Bang and his parents playing Candy Crush. (I’m only at level 439. DW is at 560) Since it’s now 8:00 pm and he’s still awake, the answer is yes. Plus the Orioles play the Blue Jays in Baltimore so that game is on T.V. Will I be up late? Yes, yes I will.

If you’re up late, click here to check out (and follow!) my Facebook page. Then come back and click here to check out (and follow!) me on Twitter.

5921e7e5bb074006a445a31c1f239d4e-kids-parenting-parenting-memes

Questions I Asked My Kids: ep 43

1. If you were to make a new flavor of potato chip, what flavor would you make?

Crash: Strawberry
Bang: Strawberry apple
Mom: Asiago something

2. If you create a new baseball team to play the Orioles, what would their name be and what colors is their uniform?

Crash: The Benchwarmers and they’d be light brown and white
Bang: Their uniform would be yellow and black and white. Their name would be The Jeffy Bronze
Mom: [stares blankly]

3. If you had to change your name to something in this room, what would you be called?

Crash: Janigle (one of his stuffies)
Bang: Wall
Mom: George (as in Curious George)

4. If Canada were to make a new coin, who’s face should they put on it?

Crash: My own
Bang: Pop Pop’s
Mom: Mine

5. Would you rather have 4 eyes or 4 arms. Why?

Crash: 4 arms so I could do the dishes faster (he doesn’t do dishes)
Bang: 4 arms so I can floss my teeth faster
Mom: 4 arms so I can get more done

6. What would be the coolest why to go to school?

Crash: Bugatti
Bang: Airplane
Mom: Hovercraft

7. What would be the grossest jelly bean flavor?

Crash: Snot
Bang: Hippopotamus
Mom: Poop

8. If you had to describe yourself with one word, what would you NOT use?

Crash: Stupids
Bang: Boring
Mom: Skinny

9. What song do you want to listen to in the truck?

Crash: That song on Google Play music that made us laugh (it was on Ini Kamoze station, but I have no idea which song or who sings it)
Bang: Here Comes the Hotstepper
Mom: Play that Song

10. What animal would be funny to bring into our house?

Crash: Elephant because when he sits on the couch he’ll break it
Bang: Another Piper (quaker parrot)
Mom: Monkeys who fling poo at Hubband

Go Ask Your Father: Birth, Books, Infinity, and Heaven

I want to talk politics for a minute. Don’t worry, I’m not going shove my views down your throat. I’m a pretty complacent guy. Not much gets me riled up. The Orioles losing and salsa on the walls do, but not much else. Oh, and people who think if you don’t have their beliefs, loyalties, opinions then you can’t be anything but wrong. Take this photo for instance.

Capture

See anything wrong? That’s our Bang in the middle, in case you didn’t recognise him. On the right is our MLA Michel Samson. He’s the Premier’s right hand man and great guy all round. That’s the Premier on the left. In US terms, he’d be the governor. They were in town for a rally and we were there. So was Bang and he was making his presence known. The Premier’s photographer snapped this shot. My favorite part is Divo, the stuffed dog, hanging out of his pocket. DW posted this photo to her FB wall with this message:

My little future politician? This image was taken by the premier’s photographer at the community BBQ yesterday evening. My little ham was hugging everyone and jumping into all the photos. Before anyone feels the need to post negative comments keep in mind that he is 5 (note the stuffy hanging out of his pocket), and I support Michel. I appreciate everyone’s right to an opinion while not driving mine down anyone’s throat…extend the same courtesy please!

People are only seeing one issue, the teacher issue. There is so much more Michel has done for our area.

1. What does Heaven look like?

Poor Bang has had so many questions since his Guppie died back in February. This was one. At first, I considered telling me what I thought Heaven was like. I thought maybe Heaven is like our favorite place with all our favorite things. For me that would mean lots of Mother Nature, outdoor activites, books, and a bakery. That would make Heaven a different place for all of us. So I told him no one knows what Heaven is like because all who have been there haven’t been able to come tell us what it’s like. I related it to twins in mommy’s (not his mommy’s) belly. When one baby is born it can’t go back in Mommy’s belly and tell it what it’s like outside of her belly. Nor can we really imagine what Heaven is like because it’s not of this world. 

2. How do babies come out?

Of course, explaining why we don’t know what Heaven is like as babies being born led him to questions exactly how babies are born. Through the bum? Out the belly button? I told him babies come out head first. Most of the time. Then his brain kicked into overdrive. “So they cut it out of the mom’s belly?” Sometimes, I told him. That’s called a C-section. Then I whipsered, “Sometimes they come out mom’s pee pee” which I know is technically incorrect, but to a 5 year old boy, but for a 5 year old boy will have to do for now. Don’t be surprised to see an episode of “Go Ask Your Mother” in the coming weeks.

3. How long can books be?

Sometimes books seem to go on and on and on. As Ambrose Briece has been quoted as writing, “The covers of this book are too far apart.” Others are indeed really long. After Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, the books start picking up significantly in length. Topping out at 870 pages in the US version. However, this isn’t the longest book. A German novel by the name of Zettles Traum by Arno Schmidt has and estimated 1,100,000 words on 1,536 pages. In comparison, together, all seven books of Harry Potter contain 1,084,170 words. Or roughly the same number of words my kids use in the run of a day.

4. What comes after infinity?

Uhh… infinity +1? Once upon a time I would have said nothing come after infinity. Infinity is on going, has no end, go on forever. Of course, there are different kinds of infinity with some infinities being larger than others. There are an infinite number of numbers between 0 and 1. There are an infinite number of numbers. Thanks to Vsauce of YouTube, I now know there are things beyond infinity. You can watch it if you want. I’ll admit I’ve watched it several (maybe 3 or 4) times already. If numbers are your thing, you’ll find it fascinating. Otherwise, Buzz sumed it up best when he said, “To infinity and beyond!”

This post is brought you to by the number 2 – the 2 places to find me. Facebook and Twitter.

Questions I Asked My Kids and My Parents: Episode 42

#LifeWithKids

Here’s how it played out this evening…

Me: Where is your bowl of salsa that you didn’t finish?
The Boys: Spilled on the basement stairs
Me: (deep sigh) So it’s all over the carpet?
The Boys: And the wall.

Just another day cleaning up messes! As you can read in the title I included my parents in the festivities this week. They, like the boys, they didn’t fail to entertain… Happy Reading!

1. If part of your body became robotic, which part would you want it to be?

Crash: My heart
Bang: My ribs, they would explode then grow again
Nana: My brain. Hopefully a robot brain would work better than mine.
Pop Pop: My head

2. What will you miss about being a kid when you grow up?

Crash: I’m going to miss not having to go to jail
Bang: Playing Mario Kart Wii because I’ll have to go to places and stuff like that
Nana: Being so naive to the problems of the world.
Pop Pop: No schedules

3. Pretend you’re a deep sea diver and you find a treasure chest. How did it get there?

Crash: There were two pirate ships with laser cannons and one shot lasers at the other ship that had 10 treasure chests with 350,000,000 dollars. The laser sunk the ship and scattered the treasure chests across the ocean.
Bang: Somebody exploded a crystal and there was a treasure chest in it and they threw it in the water
Nana: Pirates
Pop Pop: I put it there because I have too many

4. If you were to start a new collection, what would you like to collect?

Crash: Funko Pops
Bang: Pillows
Nana: Money
Pop Pop: Cars

5. If your skin were to turn into the skin of an animal, which animal would you choose?

Crash: Chameleon
Bang: Turtle skin
Nana: Otter, their pelt is gorgeous and waterproof
Pop Pop: Jaguar

6. If your voice turned into an animal sound, which animal would you want to sound like?

Crash: A lion so I could be a roaring chameleon
Bang: A cow MOOOOO!
Nana: Hyena, they laugh all the time.
Pop Pop: Grizzly Bear

7. If you got to put any three things from the grocery store in the cart, what would you put in?

Crash: Bear Paws, Milk, and Cookies
Bang: Ice cream, cookies, and lemons
Nana: Famous Amos cookies, Moose Tracks ice cream, and the store’s safe!
Pop Pop: Butter pecan ice cream , red meat and the lottery ticket dispenser

8. What do you love to learn about?

Crash: Video games
Bang: God
Nana: US History
Pop Pop: UFO’s and Aliens

9. If your picture was in the dictionary, what word would it be next to?

Crash: Amazing
Bang: Eye
Nana: D’oh
Pop Pop: Immortal

10. What does Mom want for Mother’s Day?

Crash: Tickets to a spa, no doubt.
Bang: To get squished! Or a canvass to paint on
Nana: Good question
Pop Pop: Amazon Gift Card

Are you questioning where to find me? I have an answer: Facebook and Twitter!

Lucy At Home

The Liebstering Liebsters…

Liebster: German for dearest, darling, liked or loved above all others.

So you can imagine my surprise when my little space was nominated for this award from across the globe. Here I am just writing some random thoughts for The World to read if they want. Then someone comes along and says “Hey, darling. I love what you write. Have this award.”

Maybe not in those words, exactly.

But I’m equally honored. A Momma’s View had me listed with other blogs that I read, too. Blogs that my blog look up to as if they were an older, wiser sibling. As if my blog were just a toddling toddler. I suppose it’s equivalent to someone dreaming then finding themselves playing next to those who they have pinned on their bedroom wall.

The rules state that I need to thank the person who nominated me. I did, and I thank you again! Then I need to answer some questions, give some facts, nominate some others and give them some questions to answer. So here goes with the questions given to me…

  1. IF YOU COULD ERASE A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE, WHICH WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

    All the moments of my life have led me to writing this, just as every moment of your life has led you to reading this. If we remove one of those moments, what would happen to the others? Would the butterfly effect change them all? If that’s the case, I’d remove none. I like where I am. If removing one didn’t alter the rest though, I’d remove the day I got my head stuck in a cinder block. 38 years later and I still haven’t lived that one down…

  2. WHO’S YOUR FAVOURITE LITERARY HEROINE?

    Just one? I think one is Hermione from the Harry Potter series. No, not because it’s Emma Watson. I liked her before the movies ever came out. Hermione is smart, works hard, and is a loyal friend. More importantly, she knows when she needs to break the rules. J.K. Rowling did a fantastic job writing her character. If it weren’t for her, chances are good Harry wouldn’t have defeated You-Know-Who. My other favorite is Liesel Meminger from The Book Thief. Liesel loves books (as the title infers) and while everyone else in WWII German is stealing food, she is stealing books. She learns to read and then learns the power of words.

  3. IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

    If I got to take all my family with me, we’d move to Hawaii where there is lots of hiking and lots of water. My Dad’s sister lives in Belize so perhaps that would be fun, too. The Caribbean out the front door and Mayan ruins out the back. Again, lots of hiking and lots of water. Notice a theme? I’m part camel, part fish. A camish.

  4. DO YOU LIKE TO COOK? AND WHAT IS YOUR GO TO DISH?

    I love to cook. I think my go to dish is that quick and easy one we call hamburger slop. It’s just burger, a packet of brown gravy, smashed potatoes and a can of corn. My favorite dish to cook though is lasagna soup.

  5. WHO WOULD YOU CHANGE LIVES WITH IF GIVEN THE CHANCE? WHY?

    Wow. That’s a hard one. I think I would change lives with an astronaut. I would love to spend 6 months on the ISS. Mom always called me a space cadet, anyway…

  6. WHAT WOULD YOU NEVER CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?

    I would never change my hair style. It’s easy to manage. No bedhead.

  7. WHAT WOULD YOU TELL YOUR YOUNGER SELF?

    I would tell my younger self to study harder and stay on track.

  8. IF YOU COULD FAST FORWARD 20 YEARS, WOULD YOU? WHY OR WHY NOT?

    Nope. There would be so much I miss. Birthdays and graduations and vacations… Like Van Halen sang, Right Now.

  9. WHAT SUPERPOWER WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE, MIND READING OR STRENGTH?

    I pick strength. I don’t want to know what everyone else is thinking.

  10. WHO IS YOUR HERO?

    DW, for tolerating me. My parents, for making me who I am even though sometimes it probably didn’t seem like it was working. My brother, for all his tours serving our country overseas. All my teachers, too.

  11. WHAT WOULD YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT YOU INSTANTLY AND WHY?

    I would want people to know that in groups, I’m quiet and listening. If you’re patient, I’ll jump into the conversation when I’m ready.

Next step: 11 “interesting” facts about myself…

1. I’m an extroverted introvert
2. I have the smartest, most beautifulest wifey ever. Sorry guys.
3. I’m good at sucking up.
4. If I had a super power it would be the ability to talk to animals.
5. I once went sledding off my neighbors garage roof.
6. I have an idea for a children’s book. I just haven’t written it, yet.
7. I co-wrote a children’s book that we haven’t published yet. It has been turned down by a dozen publishers, though.
8. Crash learned to play Hot Cross Buns on his recorder. I want to stab my ear drums and now understand how my parents must have felt when I was learning to play the trumpet when I was his age.
9. I sound like I’m eating sandwiches in my sleep. I smack my lips like I’m chewing. I’ve never heard it so they could be lying, but I doubt it.
10. I grew up an Orioles fan and am still an Orioles fan.
11. I can roll my tongue and I can flip it both directions.

Now to nominate 11 bloggers. I know some of you might not accept rainbows up the arse these nomination awards, so consider this a virtual high five. A proverbial tip of the hat for doing what you do…

Ipuna Black whom I just discovered
Dorky Mom Doodles
Niki’s Thoughts
Welcome to the Nursery
Fatty McCupcakes
Grubbs n Critters
J.A. Allen
A Nene’s Life

Meh… close enough…

Here are your questions should you choose to accept…

  1. How do you re-energize?
  2. What yearly salary would you consider “living comfortably”?
  3. If you met Mother Theresa, what would you ask her?
  4. What ice cream flavor do you think your personality is like?
  5. If your car had a super power, what super power would you like it to have?
  6. Do you have a plan for your blog for the long run? 
  7. Is there a word you avoid using? A word you don’t like?
  8. Do you have a favorite word?
  9. If we communicated by playing musical instruments, what instrument would you communicate with?
  10. Is there a time when something didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to, but in the end you were glad that it didn’t?
  11. What’s the best piece of advice you would give a new blogger?

      Go Ask Your Father: Sun, Space Temps, Rubber Band Balls, and Weekends

      Welcome to Friday, y’all. Hope it finds you happy and healthy.

      Now let it find you educated…

      1. How big is the sun?

      About as big as a few egos. I won’t names names, like the new ruler of the US. Or perhaps it’s the same size as a certain singer’s derriere. The sun, by human standards, is enormous. The sun is 864,400 miles across (diameter). Compared to the Earth, that’s 109 times bigger. It weighs about 333,000 times more. WTH? Who the hell weighed the sun? If the sun were an ajar jar and the Earth a marble it would take 1,300,000 marbles to fill it up. That’s just compared to the Earth and humans. When compared to other celestial bodies, the sun is just another average, run of the mill, star. Unless you compare it to Arcturus. That star is just over 22 million miles across!

      2. How cold is outer space?

      Colder than the ice bucket challenge. Colder than throwing ice water on the person in the shower. To be exact it’s 2.7 Kelvin (-270.45 Celsius, -454.81 Fahrenheit). A typical Canada winter. I speak in Kelvin because it’s easier. Just know that a comfortable 70F is 293K. 0 Kelvin is bottom of the Kelvin scale. 0 Kelvin = −273.15° C or  −459.67° F. Outer space is still 45 degrees above that theoretical 0 mark. Scientists can easily reach 2.7 Kelvin here on Earth. They’ve been as low as 0.3 K using an isotope of helium. Beyond that and gravity is too strong. NASA is sending Cold Atom Laboratory to the ISS (space station) where there is no gravity. They are expecting to reach 100 picokelvin, or 100 trillionth of a degree above 0 Kelvin. Or the same temperature as my feet when I crawl into bed.

      3. How are rubber band balls made?

      These things are not only fun to play with, but are very effective at keeping all those elastics in one place and untangled. Assuming you can figure out which band is on top. First, you need a core. This core can be one of two things. It can be a small ball slightly larger than a marble or it can be a bunch of rubber bands all rolled up. Then you use small bands to wrap around the core. As it grows larger use larger bands. Soon enough you’ll have yourself a bouncy ball of fun. Just don’t put your eye out should one come flying off!

      4. Is it the weekend?

      Indeed it is. All though Saturday and Sunday are the two weekend days, Friday night counts, too. The boys know that on the weekends we’re a little more lenient with bedtime. It’s also a time for sleepovers. Sometimes at Nanny’s house. Sometimes in each other’s bed. Where they go to dream dreams of soaring through the Universe no matter how big, no matter how cold, but always fantastical.

      Questions I Asked My Kids: Episode 41

      I’m toying with the idea of setting up a Facebook page to accompany my blog, All In A Dad’s Work. Actually, I’ve already started setting it up, but haven’t published it, yet. Right now I share all my posts to my personal Facebook page. I’m now considering not publishing there. Have you tried, successfully or not, to run a Facebook page that was a companion to your blog? Right now all communication occurs on WordPress. Rarely does anyone comment about a post from FB. This would separate my blogging “life” from my personal. Though, often times, they’re one in the same.

      Now, on to the questions. The boys had a friend over so naturally, we included her in the questioning. Happy Reading!

      ND = Neighbor’s Daughter

      1. If you creatd a new flavor of gum, what flavor would it be?

      Crash: Strawberry milkshake
      Bang: Trampoline grass
      ND: Strawberry smoothie

      2. Which fictional character do you wish would come to our house?

      Crash: Squirtle
      Bang: Queen Amadala
      ND: Pikachu

      3. What two animals would it be fun to combine?

      Crash: Pig and elephant
      Bang: Camel and cow
      ND: Spider and giraffe

      4. If you got a trophy, what would you get it for doing?

      Crash: Nintendo championship trophy for being the best gamer in the world
      Bang: First place for racing in my car
      ND: For being the best sister

      5. What do you think your favorite animal’s favorite sport would be?

      Crash: An eagle playing Quidditch
      Bang: A giraffe’s favorite would be soccer
      ND: A cat playing football

      6. If we communicated with musical instruments, which instrument would you use?

      Crash: Recorder
      Bang:
      Trumpet
      ND: Tuba

      7. If you went to a super hero pet store, what pet would you get and what would its super power be?

      Crash: I would get a chameleon that could turn invisible and have super springy legs
      Bang: I would have a dog that could fly
      ND: A hamster that could brainwash people

      8. You got your picture in the paper for making a discovery at the park. What did you discover?

      Crash: A treasure chest with a million diamond gems, dollar bills and other loot and treasure like that
      Bang: I discovered a blue and red train
      ND: I discovered a lemon shaped like snake

      9. If you could make the moon a different shape, what shape would you make it?

      Crash: Pidgeon
      Bang: Triangle
      ND: Heart

      10. What would it be fun to be for Halloween if you could really turn into it?

      Crash: Eagle
      Bang: A ghost
      ND: A Hummingbird

      X is for A Word That Technically Doesn’t Start with X But Has An X In It

      X words are hard. Arguably the toughest letter to write in the A to Z Challenge. X words are very limited. If you include names of people, places, events and rare old words there are only about 400 of them. If you don’t include all those other words there are really only two X people use. X-ray and xyolphone. The only other time x is used is if you’re a Roman numeral or a math problem. 

      So today I’ll cheat and use a word that has an X in it. It may not be the first letter, but it is the second. So it’s close. 

      Eplain. Because I do a lot of eplaining through the day.

      • why they have to get up and get ready for school
      • why they need to stay in bed and sleep more
      • why it’s time to go
      • why they have to brush their teeth
      • why they have to put pants on
      • why they can’t have a snack 5 minutes before supper time
      • why they need to pee IN the toilet instead of ON the toilet

      The list goes on, of course. I’m sure you could even fill it in for me. If you explain enough consecutive why questions you reach the beginning of the Universe and start to believe this is just some weird experiement and we’re all just a part of the Matrix and you’re most definitely not the Chosen One. 

      So why have I had to explain most recently?

      1. What is an arse?

      We asked Google this one. There’s a fun feature on my phone where all I have to do is say  “Okay Google” and it wakes up and starts listening. I wish the boys were that responsive. DW wishes I was that responsive. I was going to ask Google about the Orioles game from the night before except when I went to say “Orioles” someone else hollered “Fart-arse!” Google didn’t understand and I was laughing to hard to correct it. So we asked, “What’s an arse?” Interestingly enough it did not show me my own picture. She simply told me it’s the British spelling of ass. I’m not British so therefore I’m not an arse. That’s sound logic.

      2. How many burgers can a cow make?

      I took out a pound of ground beef the other day to make whatever I was making for supper. Being mediocre at math, I knew that I could get four quarter pound hamburgers from it. For those less than mediocre, there are four quarters in one whole (pound in this case). But how many could I get from a whole cow? I’ve seriously considered investing in a cow, or perhaps the whole damn farm, just to supply Crash and Bang with milk. Alas, I know the work schedule of a dairy farmer and it’s not for me. So our milk will come from the grocery store. Anyway, if your cow weighs a thousand pounds, a half ton, you could make about 4,500 burgers. However, that would be equivalent to a Happy Meal burger. If you want a quarter pounder you’ll only get about a thousand burgers from a thousand pound cow. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a Big Mac and a Whopper.

      3. How do checks work?

      Checks are still used. Though there were 12.2 billion fewer in 2012 than 2006. I’m sure there are even few than that today. The MICR (pronounced mick-er) line is the important part. This is the line of characters at the bottom of the check. This line include the routing number (aka the banks “address”), your account number, and the check number. The rest of the check you fill in yourself – the recipient, the amount, the date, and your signature. The MICR line is machine readable because the check is scanned and imaged to be processed electronically. Small scanners can handle 45 checks per minute. Large ones can scan hundreds or thousands in the same amount of time. Same as comparing how many meters I can run in a minute compared to Usain Bolt. Your phone acts as a such a scanner when you take a picture of your check and send to the bank to be process electronically. Checks are then destroyed. If you submit a check electronically it’s up to you to destroy. Just give it to my kids. They can tear the hinges off of Hades. They’ll have no trouble wrecking your check so it can’t be deposited twice.

      4. Can we get pizza with balls on it?

      This reminds of the story of when we went to McDonalds. It was my parents, my brother, and myself. I think I was in high school at the time. Dad asked for an ice cream sundae. They asked if he wanted nuts on it. My brother and I chimed in from the backseat, “Yeah get nuts. Sweaty ones.” My dad was laughing so hard he couldn’t complete the order and had to drive around the restaraunt and re-enter the drive though. So when Bang asked if he could balls on his pizza I nearly lost it. He doesn’t get it, yet, but one day he will. The balls he’s referring to are sausage. He’ll eat fish, sketti meatballs and sausage balls on pizza. Those are the only meats he’ll eat that don’t get smashed into mashed pototoes. Just recently, he’s eaten ham on it’s own. 

      Would you like balls with that?
      Yeah, get balls. 

      W is for

      WTH?
      WTF?

      One of the boys asked about WTF? one day. They caught it on my FB or Pinterest  or Twitter while reading over my shoulder unbeknown to me. “It means Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. As in which day would be best for this to occur.”

      The answer is always Friday.
      Or never, depending on what you’re asking.

      Speaking of asking questions and WTF?, today is Thursday. Time to ask some questions to the little urchins.

      seaurchin

      No, not these urchins.

      Since this is episode 40, I think I’ve exhausted my list of questions. So I’ve turned to the internet. Specifically, Q4Kids. Lets see what random questions I can find there. As always, if you have a fun question you think my boys would like to answer, feel free to ask down in the comments. Also, feel free to ask your own kids these questions. Just be sure to link to this post so I can laugh at their answers!

      1. If you had a magic bicycle, what magic powers would it have?

      Crash: Flying
      Bang: Flying and punching

      2. Imagine you could give a superpower to someone else in our family. What would it be?

      Crash: Throw fireballs to Mom

      Bang:
      I would give it to you and the super power would be kicking harder than you

      3. If you could make rain taste like anything, what would you make it taste like?

      Crash: Pizza
      Bang: Apples

      4. You have friendly monster living in your closet. What does it look like?

      Crash: It has blue reptile like skin, 10 red gleaming eyes, spikes on it’s back

      Bang:
      All purple, 60 eyes, 2 mouths, 80 heads, he’s slimy, and very very very skinny

      5. You were just bit by a spider that makes you grow an extra body part. Which body part are you going to grow?

      Crash: An extra leg so I can run faster

      Bang:
      Another skull

      6. If you were to bury a treasure where would you bury it?

      Crash: Somewhere in China

      Bang:
      In Maryland near Nana and Pop Pop’s with a big X

      7. What’s the worst super power you can think of?

      Crash: Gravity power that makes you go upside down

      Bang:
      When I touch stuff it turns into poop

      8. What is something you are better at than Mom and Dad?

      Crash: Building Lego

      Bang:
      Cleaning

      9. If our family lived in a zoo, what animal would each of us be?

      Crash: Dad would be an orangutan, mom would be, giraffe, I would be a tiger, and Bang would be a rabbit

      Bang:
      Dad would be a tiger, mom would be an elephant, I would be a giraffe and Crash would be a turtle

      10. What would be the best part of living on a farm?

      Crash: Playing in the mud

      Bang:
      Feeding my animals

      Q is for…

      Today is the day of the week I get revenge. The boys are forever asking questions and I’m forever giving them answers. Usually truthful. I am dad. I know all. Well, almost. If I don’t know, then Google does. Thursdays is the day I t I ask them questions. This is episode 39. That’s 390 questions. This isn’t counting questions like:

      • What do you want for breakfast?
      • Are you ready for school?
      • Did you brush your teeth?
      • Who broke this?
      • Who spilled this?
      • Why is there blueberry yogurt on the wall and the fridge door?
      • Why are you naked?

      is for the questions I ask for the blog. I’ve asked the kids questions. I’ve asked my parents questions. I’ve asked my grandmother questions, too. They are usually a bit more amusing than my run of mill, every day questions. The boys often ask, “Can we answer questions for your blog?” They look forward to it, now.

      1. What’s your favorite thing to do in the summer?

      Crash: Play baseball
      Bang: Do the ice bucket challenge

      2. What do sharks eat?

      Crash: Seals
      Bang: Fish

      3. What animal would it be fun to be?

      Crash: An Eagle
      Bang: Giraffe

      4. Why would it be fun to be that animal?

      Crash: Because you have the ability to fly and glide
      Bang: Because you have a tongue that’s 22 inches

      eagle

      giraffe-tongue

      5. What would you like to learn more about?

      Crash: Gravity or how the world started
      Bang: Your skull

      6. What’s the best thing about you?

      Crash: I’m smart
      Bang: That I play on the trampoline

      7. What’s the best thing about Dad?

      Crash: His farts!
      Bang: That the Orioles win

      8. What’s the best thing about Mom?

      Crash: She loves us, I guess.
      Bang: That she drives faster than you

      9. What do you want to be famous for doing?

      Crash: Making Lego Minecraft sets
      Bang: Being the king

      10. What do you want to be when you grow up?

      Crash: I want to work at Lego or Nintendo. Either one, but probably Lego because Nintendo is all the way in Japan.
      Bang: Builder. I want to build houses and drive a cherry picker

      As always, feel free to ask your own kids these questions. Just be sure to link to this post so I can read and laugh, too!