Questions I Asked My Kids

I hope all my American family and friends enjoyed a very happy Thanksgiving. I miss the days of gathering at Grandma’s house. We’d feast, we’d slip into a turkey coma for a bit then we’d play some football in the front yard. I wish the boys were able to experience it, too. Not to worry though, we’ve got our own traditions going. We normally cook a turkey and stuff today to celebrate. However, today was just too crazy. This weekend will be for putting up outdoor decorations. As of this typing the only decorations we have up are the count down chain that’s currenly at 32 more sleeps. Have you started decorating yet?

1. What would be the best Christmas present for you?

Crash: A million bucks

Bang: Bey Blade Burst

2. What would be the worst Christmas present for you to get?

Crash: underwear

Bang: Coal, sticks and blueberries

3. What’s your favorite smell?

Crash: The lemon orange and cinnamon you boil on the stove

Bang: Hockey players

4. What’s your favorite thing about dad?

Crash: That you have cool glasses

Bang: That he’s really skinny, too, and not fluffy

5. What’s your favorite thing about mom?

Crash: That she lays with me for a long time at bedtime

Bang: That’s she’s really fluffy

6. Where is your favorite place in the house?

Crash: Living room where the Nintendo Switch is

Bang: In the basement or living room

7. Where is your favorite place to hide when we play Hide-n-Seek?

Crash: In the box in my closet

Bang: Basement corner in the toy room

8. What’s your favorite time of the day?

Crash: I like it from 8:30 to 4:30

Bang: When we have gym at school

9. What’s your favorite word?

Crash: Lightning

Bang: Boobies

10. What part of your body is your favorite?

Crash: My Hair

Bang: My ribs

If you ever question where else you can you find me, look no further than Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

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Letters to my Daughter

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Go Ask Your Father: Howling, Mia, Seasons, and Zero

They’re getting married! Bang and the neighbor’s 9 year old daughter are getting hitched April 5th. They’ve spent two days planning it, too. They’ve set a $60 budget and have planned a menu of grilled cheese and ice cream sandwiches with sticky hot fudge. The planned ceremony is to take place in the backyard where I’m the priest (I’m to end the ceremony by saying “You may not kiss the bride”), Crash is a watcher because he’s rude (though he might get to be the best man) and the bride’s sister will be a flower girl. The young couple will then honeymoon at one of two public pools here in town.

Then they’re going to get divorced. Why?
So they can get married again!

It seems they want a wedding, not a marriage.

1. What the difference between a coyote call and a wolf call?

The long distance charges. Those wolves call family to family and they’re always calling long distance collect. Coyotes howl as part of pack behaviour. If the howling is all at one high note, it’s for calling the family together. Coyote packs are usually smaller than wolf packs, usually with no more than half a dozen coyotes joining in the conversation. You can tell the pack has arrived when the howling gets higher in pitch, mixed in with high-pitched yelps and yips. Howling is also used to warn rival coyote packs away from a pack’s territory, like Jets and Sharks. There’s westside coyotes and Eastside Coyotes. Or maybe it’s the Greasers and Socials in coyote Outsiders.

Wolf howls are far more sophisticed. They speak proper, very unlike the slang those Westside coyotes howl. Wolf packs are rarely smaller than a dozen and can have as many as thirty six. They will harmonize with each other to bluff rival packs into thinking they’re bigger than they really are. Howling isn’t just for family calls, sometimes it’s for business. Hunting howls are the shortest and highest pitch of the wolf howls. While coyotes howl on one, high pitch, the wolves howl alternate between two pitches. When they’re very close to their prey it almost turn to a bark. I’ve kayaked with whales and dolphins but hearing a wolf howl would rank even higher in lifetime achievements for me.

2. When did Mia Hamm stop playing?

Ahh, Mia. I may have had crush on her in high school. I got all glassy eyed my freshman year in high school back in ’91 when Hamm played in her first World Cup in China. She was a powerhouse on the pitch. She’s done big things for women’s soccer and women athlete in general. And I’m not just talking about winning two Olympic gold medals and two women’s world cups. She’s helped bring women’s sports to the forefront. She helped shine light on the discrepencies in the pay scale between male and female athletes. She held the record for most international goals scored by a man or woman until 2013. Now she trails third behind teammate Abby Wombach and Canadian Christine Sinclair. Still respectable. She’s been inducted into four halls of fame. She is now co-owner of The Los Angeles FC and a global embassador for Barcelona FC. Her last game was August 26, 2004 where she led the team to a gold medal in the Olympic games in Athens. Now, if she’d just give me a howl call I’d mark that as a lifetime achievement even higher than kayaking with whales and dolphins.

3. Why do we have seasons?

Baseball season. Hockey season. Dear season. Christmas season. The dreaded tax season. Of course, these aren’t the right seasons. I think we all have a favorite. I like them all. Until the end of them, that is. I enjoy summer, but by September I’m ready for cooler weather and all the things of fall. Same goes for the other three seasons. There is a reason for all the changes, though. The Earth is tilted on its axis, like drunk trying stand. This creates times when the northern hemisphere is receiving direct sunlight and other times the south gets it. The way I liked to explain it to my fourth graders is to imagine a bon fire being the sun. You hold your hands up to it to warm them. However, if you hold your hands directly over it you’ll probably get burned. That’s the difference between summer and winter. If the Earth were not tilted it would be spring eternal. It has nothing to do with distance. The northern hemisphere is actually closer to the sun in winter. In winter, I snuggle a little closer to my little furnace, DW, too.

4. Is zero even a number?

There are imaginary numbers, which we use to do squares and square roots of negative numbers. There are real numbers, too. Those are all the numbers that have a home on a number line. There are rational and irrational numbers. Rational numbers can be expressed as a fraction, decimal, or whole number. Irrational number cannot be expressed as a fraction. Like pi, they are decimals that go on and on and on on an irrational rant. Zero is real, found on a number line smack dab between 1 and -1. It’s rational. You can add, subtract, and multiply by zero. You can divide zero (just don’t try to divide by zero, the universe will implode). So yes, zero is a number. It’s the exact amount of dessert you’ll get if you don’t eat your supper. It’s exactly how many f***s I give that your friends don’t have to do chores and get to stay up late. It also happens to be the number of times you’ll win an argument with me or your mother, young man.

Speaking of numbers, there are three more places you can stalk follow me: Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Questions I Asked My Kids: ep55

1. If you opened a store what would you name it and what would you sell?

Crash: I would name it RC Cars and Trucks and and sell remote controlled vehicles – cars, trucks, hamsters, drones…
Bang: I would sell cans of soda, chips, some cakes and name it “The Junk Store”

2. If you could grow anything in the garden, what would you grow?

Crash: Jack’s giant beanstalk
Bang: More of me

3. If your stuffie could talk, what would it say?

Crash: He would say a lot of stuff like Lets play Minecraft and Can we snuggle?
Bang: I love you (and mom and dad, too)

4. If you were to draw me a picture right this instant, what would you draw?

Crash: I would draw that car on TV that goes 360 miles per hour
Bang: Scribbles

5. What sound do you like?

Crash: Chicken noises
Bang: Cats purring and sneezing dogs and cannons blowing off because they’re sounds I can make

6. If you could ask a wild animal anything what would you ask it?

Crash: I would ask a cheetah, “Can I adopt you?” so when I miss the bus we can zoom there
Bang: I’d ask a giraffe to lift me way way high

7. If animals could drive, which one would be the most fun to ride with?

Crash: An elephant
Bang: A giraffe

elephant+car

8. What are three things you want to do this winter?

Crash: Build an igloo, have a snowball fight, and snowboard
Bang: Snowball fight, jump in gigantic snow piles and biff Frizbees

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Crash: A racecar driver… actually no. A robot designer
Bang: A cat sitter

10. What’s the funniest word you know?

Crash: Quack
Bang: Poopy (then whispers “type a-r-s-e”)

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Go Ask Your Father: Yogurts, Bats, Parrot Speech, and Light Years

I’m a sucker for those sappy, highly predictable Christmas movies. Lucky for us there’s a channel for that. DW and I started watching one before supper. Christmas In The Air. We didn’t have time to finish it before the boys’ bedtime, though. Thankfully, with today’s technology, we can record TV without a big, clunky VCR. With the heathens are asleep, tucked in their beds with visions of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails dancing in their heads, DW and I made ourselves comfy cozy on the couch. I with my blog and her with her crocheting, a couple glasses of wine and the sappy, highly predictable movie we started earlier. It did snow here, today. It was also freezing cold. Winter is coming and Christmas is just a couple corners away. 44 corners, to be exact.

What’s the difference between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt?

I really don’t care. They’re both gross to me. The boys, however, both enjoy their yogurt for a bedtime snack. Bang loves his plain vanilla stuff while his brother enjoys berries in his. Except, just recently, he discovered a seasonal flavor – pumpkin spice Greek yogurt. This kind of yogurt is strained more than the regular stuff. This takes out the whey – the watery part of yogurt. Taking the whey out also removes the sugar and carbs. Sugar and carbs are the bad guys these day. They’re the assholes of the food world. It used to be fat, but fat got pardoned. Sugar and carbs have become the Bonnie and Clyde. That’s another difference – Greek yogurt is higher in fat and lower in sugar and carbs than regular yogurt. It also has more protein which means it will keep you feeling full longer than that sugary regular stuff.

Why can’t bats stand upright?

It sounds like the opening line of a joke. Like a hockey joke that goes “Why don’t Canadians drink tea? Because the Americans have all the cups”. Bats, however, are no joke. They can’t stand up. Their legs are too short and undeveloped for standing. They’re perfect for hanging, though. This is good because it’s the only way the bats will achieve flight. With legs shorter than the Maple Leafs win streak they can’t achieve enough lift from the ground. They can climb, though. So they climb to gain height then fall into flight. Like me sledding off my neighbor’s garage roof.

If parrots don’t have vocal cords how do they talk?

While some parrots, like our Piper bird, learn just a few words, other can learn nearly 2,000. It is true that parrots do not have vocal cords. I know a few people who shouldn’t have them, either. I won’t name any presidential names. Since they have no vocal cords, they use a syrinx. Located at the base of their trachea, its walls vibrate as air passes through it. By adjusting the tension of the syrinx, they can change the sound. In this manner they mimic everything from the smoke detector, to other animals, and learn speech. Alex, an African Grey parrot, understood categorization like “same and different” and “bigger and smaller”. He could identify objects by their shape (“Three-corner”, “Four-corner”, up to “Six-corner”) and material: when shown a pom-pom or a wooden block, he could answer “Wool” or “Wood” correctly as often as a presidential tweet made no sense. Alex could identify the difference between yellow and green same-sized objects by saying “Color” or identify a larger one by naming its color. If asked what the difference was between two identical blue keys, Alex learned to reply, “none.”

What’s a light year?

It’s to infinity and beyond! It’s not a measurement of time, as the word year might suggest. Instead, it’s a measure of distance. It’s the distance light travels in one year. Since it can travel 186,000 miles in one second, you can just imagine how far it goes in a year. You have to multiply that one second by 60 seconds in a minute. Then multiply that by 60 minutes in an hour. Then multiply that by 24 hours in a day. Then multiply that by 365 days in a year. 186,000 x 60 x 60 x 24 x 365 = about 5 trillion 900 billion miles. For comparison, the sun is only 8 light minutes aways. Alpha Centauri, the nearest star to Earth, is 4.4 light years away. For comparison, if the distance between Earth and sun were shrunk to an inch, Alpha Centauri would be four and half miles away. Our universe is huge. In fact, it’s so huge that light hasn’t had enough time to travel from one side to the other of it. Yet, here we are, on this little, blue marble hurtling through all of it.

Questions I Asked My Kids: Ep 54

canadianbloodservicesenglishlogofinalcolourrgb

It was that time again. My 17th time in Canada, to be exact. I gave 16 times in the US. I’m done until January now. I gave blood this evening and as usual, the boys joined me. Bang is so curious. The nurse who took my blood was seriously impressed. He watched her swab my arm to clean it. He watched her put the needle in and fill the bag for testing. He then wandered over to watch a teacher from his school have her arm pierced, too. Then he watched the nurse pull the needle from my arm. He wanted to see where the needle had gone it but I didn’t remove the gauze for fear of blood spurting out and me bleeding out. The nurse even let him feel the bag that contained my pint of blood. He was intrigued by how warm it was.

If all goes as planned, he still wants to be a neurosurgeon when he grows up.


1. Where does wind come from?

Crash: Warm air collides with cold air and they make wind some how
Bang: Trees sneezing because I know what humility is (for the full explanation, see Instagram)

2. Why do I give blood?

Crash: So that if people have surgery, like me for example, and they need blood then they can use yours
Bang: So it doesn’t rot and you die

3. Will you give blood when you are old enough?

Crash: Yeah, if they invent a needle that you can’t feel at all. And I mean at all.
Bang: No, because I don’t want to get a needle

4. If you could change anything about our family what would it be?

Crash: Nothing or that my brother is never annoying making supid faces or makes fun of me when I’m humming
Bang: Our last names… we’d be the Michaels

5. What is your biggest worry?

Crash: That the sun will eventually will grow big and cover up all the planets and make Pluto warm
Bang: When I came in the house and no one was here and there was creepy music on but dad was really just hiding upstairs (I did this for Halloween)

6. Where is somewhere you would never want to live?

Crash: Afganistan because there’s war there
Bang: In Africa because their dances are really hard (he had an African dance/drum demonstration in school today)

7. If Taylor Swift came to our house right now, what would you tell her?

Crash: First I’d call my friend because she’s a “Swifty” then I’d tell Taylor to sing I Came In Like A Wrecking Ball I mean All About That bass No! Not that one… Shake It Off
Bang: To sing Shake It Off

8. Why do you not like to go to bed?

Crash: It takes me forever to fall asleep and there’s a ton of better things I could do like livestream Minecraft on YouTube all night
Bang: Because I want to stay up late and watch Justin Time on TV

9. How much wine will mom and dad drink after you go to bed?

Crash: 3 cups then fall asleep under the table
Bang: 15 million gallons

10. Which book character do you wish you could meet?

Crash: Alex and Conner from Land of Stories (I, Crash, highly recommend that one!)
Bang: Martha the trucker because I want to sit in the driver seat and drive a transfer truck

 

Every question where you can follow me? I have an answer for that…. Twitter, Facebook and Instagram

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10 Questions I Asked My Kids

Day 7 of 7 day of black and white photographs of my life. No people. No explanations.

Thanks Sandra for nominating me for this challenge! I nominate DW.


Dumb 10 frames! I want to do algebra!

These two sentence were uttered during our trick-or-treating trek. We happened upon a house who’s owner works at the boys’ school. Six year old Bang decided to wow her with his knowledge of algebra.

I know algebra! 4 plus A equals 8. A equals 4. But I know harder ones too. 4 plus A equals 1. A equals minus 3.

I taught him this in just a few minutes one day and now he’s hooked. I taught him addition with carrying, too. It only took him three problems to figure that out. He loves it. My next step will be to teach him subtraction with borrowing. He catches on to math concepts so quickly. Crash and I are jealous! I know exactly where I’ll get some worksheets for him to do, too. Education.com is great for teachers, parents, teacher-parents, and students. There are themed worksheet generators, games, mazes and they cover content across the curriculum from primary (kindergarten) to 5th grade.

Make a splash and practice 3-digit subtraction with Education.com’s kayaking-themed worksheet. Kids can get more fun subtraction activities here.

Disclosure: The opinions expressed here are entirely my own. The affiliate expressed permission to appear on this blog at my discretion. Links were provided by the affiliate. I was not compensated for this promotion.

subtractsubtract answers


1. Who is your favorite TV/book/story character and what do you like about him/her?

Crash: Raven from Teen Titans Go, because I like that show.
Bang: Justin Time because they do fun sorts of stuff like going to the moon

2. What’s one thing you would change about Dad?

Crash: You would say yes to everything I want you to say yes to and no to everything I want you to say no to.
Bang: You never have to clean

3. What’s one thing you would change about Mom?

Crash: Nothing
Bang: I would change Mom to love Splatoon 2

4. What’s one thing you would change about yourself?

Crash: Get rid of the flakey stuff in my hair
Bang: I would never have to sleep and I can have baths all day

5. Where do clouds come from?

Crash: They’re made from water vapor when sun heats up water and it goes up and makes clouds
Bang: The sun evaporates water and the sun makes the warm air into cold air which is the cloud

6. How much do humpback whales weigh?

Crash: 5 metric tons (converts to 33,000 pounds)
Bang: 15 million pounds

Actual weight: 50-80,000 pounds

7. If you had $20, what would you do with it?

Crash: Buy a Google Play card then buy a car from “Drive Ahead” and games and books
Bang: I would save it to get a hatchimal

8. If we got a boat, what could we name it?

Crash: S.S. Wood
Bang: The Navy Ship

9. Who is the most beautiful person in the world?

Crash: Me (I was neither surprised nor impressed with this answer)
Bang: Mom

10. How did you help someone today?

Crash: I was climbing with a friend at school and she slipped and I grabbed her hand so she wouldn’t fall
Bang: I helped my friends have fun by playing with them

Go Ask Your Father: Static Electricity, Space Deaths, Metallurgy, Seasons

“Day three. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.”

Thanks, A Momma’s View for the challenge


I don’t know if your weather is acting all wonky, too, but ours is a bit off its rocker. The temps are reaching 20-22 degrees (C) (70-74F). Once upon a time snow suits were worn under Halloween costumes. I’m really hoping this isn’t the calm before the storm. I’m really hoping that winter isn’t going to be as long and cold as summer was long and hot. This week has been the ideal perfect temperature. Sunny. A little breeze. No sign of hurt-your-face-cold. No sign of that four letter bad word s-n-o-w. Though it’s not bad to me, I like s-n-o-w.

1. What’s static electricity and how does it make a balloon stick to the wall?

Static electricity is a great way to study electricity without getting hurt. Mostly. It’s hilarious to watch kids go down a plastic slide and get to the bottom and see their hair standing on end. Or shock each other after jumping on the trampoline in sock feet. It’s even worse in the winter when the air is dryer. Speaking of dryer, we laundry doers have a great time battling static. All those dry clothes rubbing together can make a lightning bolt of it. The easiest way to think of it is as shell. On the shell are electrons and different elements have a different number of electrons. When two object rub against each other, like your butt going down the slide, some electron swapping occurrs. The atoms that have space on their shell take electrons from the other surface that doesn’t have room for more. The thug surface that stole electrons is not negatively charged while the victimized surface that lost electrons is positively charged (it now has more protons than electrons). Thank to your butt you are negatively charged, too, no matter how optomistic you are. Since like charges repel each other (just like magnets) your negatively charged hair stands on end as each strand repels all the others. Mine doesn’t do that. Then you go and touch something that is grounded and you release your negativity and are shocked to feel it happen. What you are feeling is all the electrons moving to the neutrally charged surface. It can be upwards of 25,000 volts! So when you rub a balloon on your head, electrons transfer from your hair to the balloon. Now the balloon is negatively charged and those electrons are attracted to the protons on the wall and the balloon sticks.

2. Has anyone ever died in space?

There have been four space vehicular accidents since 1967 that has killed four cosmonauts (Russian astronauts) and 14 astronauts. The first cosmonaut actually died when his space capsule hit the ground at roughly 150 mph when the capsule’s parachute failed to open upon reentry. On June 30, 1971 3 cosmonauts died after detatching from the space station, Salyut 1. A pressure valve accidently opened and they suffocated. Georgi Dobrovolski, Viktor Patsayev, and Vladislav Volkov are the only three to have ever died in space (above 62 miles). In January of 1986 seven astronauts died when the Challenger space shuttle exploded 73 seconds after lift-off. A faulty O-ring caused a fuel leakage and the demise of a great crew, among them, teacher Christa McAuliffe. In 2003 seven more astronauts died upon reentry when damage to teh thermal protection system caused structural damage and the shuttle broke apart over Texas and Louisanna. Many more have given their lives during training and testing. Without any of them we would not be where are today as we explore the cosmos.

3. How do you build metal? With wood or something?

Poor Bang is slightly confused on the production of metal. No wood goes into the making of any metal. Copper was first discovered around 9000 BC. Since then many alloys (metal mixtures like tin and copper to make bronze) have been created. To make metal you first need to mine it. Vast amounts of rock and dirt need to be excavated to collect the ore (raw metal, like bread is raw toast). Excavating is relatively the same for all metals. Refining and producing specific metals requires different processes. To make copper an added chemical binds to the copper and is then submerged in water. Air is pumped in from the bottom and the coated copper clings to the bubbles and rises to the surface. Then it’s put in a smelter and gets melted at 2,000 degrees. Not your normal oven temperature. Silica is added and any iron in the ore mixes with it and rises to the surface and is skimmed off, leaving the copper at the bottom. Simply put, this copper mixture is only 95% pure, still impure enough to leave deformities. An electric current is run through it copper is deposited on cathodes while the impurities (gold, silver, selenium, and tellurium) form a slime on the bottom and are process separately to be recovered. This is very simplified. To learn more visit your friendly, local blacksmith. Thanks to 12,000 years of science we have metal for everything.

4. Why do we have seasons?

So we don’t have too much summer or too much winter.

Just kidding. You didn’t believe me, did you?

This answer is easy compared to making metal. The Earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle. So instead of spinning perfectly upright it spins more like this thing…

But it’s not the spin of the Earth that gives us the seasons. That rotation gives us night and day. The tilt of the axis changes the angle of the sun’s rays as the Earth travels through its orbit around the sun. When the northern axis points toward the sun, the northern hemisphere experiences baseball, beach days, and long hot, days. When the southern end points to the sun the north gets football, skiing, and long, cold nights. The southern hemisphere gets the exact opposite. I still can’t comprehend Christmas being in the summer time. Y’all down there are weird. I’m surprised you haven’t fallen off the Earth yet, being upside down all the time.

Questions I Asked My Kids: The Mom Edition

“Day two. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.”

Thanks, A Momma’s View for the challenge


If you recall, last week was the one year anniversary of the questions episodes. I asked 23 questions all about Dad. This week, I’ve flipped it and made it all about Mom.

Mom Mom, she’s the bomb/ Rockin all night until the break of dawn…

She’s the crazy glue holding us all together. She’s the Jedi using the force to bend wills with her mind. She’s got the one ring to rule us all. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. But all we really need to know is “because she said so, that why.”

As always, feel free to steal these questions to ask your own kids (no matter how old they are). Just be sure to tag me so I can read their answers.

1. What is something Mom always says to you?
Crash: “Go clean something” or “Get ready for school!”
Bang: Get upstairs

2. What makes Mom happy?
Crash: Trips and vacations
Bang: When Piper gives mom kisses

3. What makes Mom sad?
Crash: When she thinks of Guppie
Bang: When Piper bites mom instead of giving kisses

4. How does Mom make you laugh?
Crash: By making seriously stupid faces
Bang: When she stomps and claps when she’s copying my brother

5. What was Mom like as a child?
Crash: She liked to do crafts and play outside
Bang: She liked to play around and she loved to eat

6. How old is Mom?
Crash: 40
Bang: 40 and a hav (he typed it himself)

7. How tall is Mom?
Crash: 73cm
Bang: 8 feet

8. What is Mom’s favorite thing to do?
Crash: Color her weird circle coloring things
Bang: sleep

9. What does Mom do when you’re not here?
Crash: Clean the house and deal with work kinda sorta work situation thingys
Bang: Clean

10. If Mom becomes famous what will it be for?
Crash: For her hugs, she nearly squeezes my eye balls out!
Bang: Going on stage with Ellen DeGeneres

11. What is Mom really good at?
Crash: Making sure I have everything when I’m going somewhere like Nan’s or school
Bang: Cleaning

12. What is Mom not very good at?
Crash: Play Mario Kart. She says “Bastard bastard”
Bang: Going to sleep

13. What is Mom’s job?
Crash: Adult teacher
Bang: Working at work

14. What makes you proud of Mom?
Crash: Get through work days, pay the bills and keep me alive (Feed me, shelter me, etc…)
Bang: I can’t think of anything except cleaning

15. What is Mom ’s favourite food?
Crash: Chocolate macaroons
Bang: Keto diet pie!

16. What do you and Mom do together?
Crash: Snuggle and play Mario Kart sometimes
Bang: Sleep. She goes on that side of my bed and I go on this side and we sleep together

17. How are you and Mom the same?
Crash: We have the same last name and we both like chocolate
Bang: We both go to sleep at the same time and we both have a heart and brain and hands

18. If your Mom was a cartoon character who would he be?
Crash: Either Starfire from Teen Titans Go, or Diasy from Mickey Mouse
Bang: Padme Amadala

19. How are you and Mom different?
Crash: We have different middle names, She cleans and I don’t
Bang: We don’t have the same brain or skin color and she has bigger boobier boobies

20. How do you know Mom loves you?
Crash: She snuggles me and lays with me, but she doesn’t scratch my back
Bang: She kisses me

21. What does Mom like best about Dad?
Crash: That you shave your beard and you can be very silly sometimes
Bang: That you’re married and you kiss each other

22. Where is Mom ’s favorite place to go?
Crash: Home
Bang: Haunted houses

23. How old was Mom when you were born?
Crash: 30
Bang: 10

If you’re questioning where else you can follow me, look no further than Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

DW doesn’t fake sleep, she real sleeps.

 

23 Questions I Asked My Kids: The 2 Year Anniversary

This is the origin of the “Questions I Asked My Kids” series that appears here every Thursday. Or most Thursdays. This is the 52nd episode, the one year episode. I have asked 10 questions every Thursday for an entire year. 520 questions. Except the pilot episode had 23. Of course, sometimes questions were repeated just to see if they would give the same answer.

In honor of those first 23 questions, I thought I’d revisit them. It took me more than two years to ask a year’s worth of questions. The pilot first appeared in June of 2015. Crash was just 8 and Bang 4. You can read Bang’s answers here and Crash’s are here. As always, feel free to steal these questions to ask your own kids (no matter how old they are). Just be sure to tag me so I can read their answers.

1. What is something Dad always says to you?
Crash: No
Bang: Get ready for bed!

2. What makes Dad happy?
Crash: When the Orioles win or Splatoon 2
Bang: When I do chores

3. What makes Dad sad?
Crash: When the Orioles lose or my brother and I aren’t good listeners.
Bang: When you couldn’t get the chocolate sugar cookies because mom made you put them back (I got vanilla ones instead)

4. How does Dad make you laugh?
Crash: By saying “I’m Bri’ish. I drive on the other side of the road” in a British accent.
Bang: By stomping and clapping when you make fun of my brother

5. What was Dad like as a child?
Crash: You had hair for one and you liked going outside and playing baseball
Bang: You behaved good but were a little bit bad and liked to run around and scream

6. How old is Dad?
Crash: 40
Bang: 41

7. How tall is Dad?
Crash: 5’4 or 5’9 or 5′ something
Bang: 21 feet

8. What is Dad’s favorite thing to do?
Crash: Go outside or watch the Orioles
Bang: Teach in gym

9. What does Dad do when you’re not here?
Crash: Clean and play Splatoon 2
Bang: Wash dishes, watch TV, play Splatoon and crawl around on the floor

10. If Dad becomes famous what will it be for?
Crash: Teaching, I guess
Bang: Being in a book that says dad dad dad dad dad dad

11. What is Dad really good at?
Crash: Aiming snowballs like that time I was running away from you and you hit me in the back of the head.
Bang: Cleaning the house and teaching gym

12. What is Dad not very good at?
Crash: You’re not very good at surviving in Splatoon 2 and remembering stuff
Bang: Playing baseball on the Nintendo Switch. When we play I always beat you

13. What is Dad’s job?
Crash: Teaching but it’s not your official job. You don’t have an official job, you’re just a substitute.
Bang: Teaching gym

14. What makes you proud of Dad?
Crash: That you love me and pack my lunch and awesome super amazing best dad ever
Bang: Making my bed

15. What is Dad’s favourite food?
Crash: Apple pie
Bang: Peanuts and roast beef

16. What do you and Dad do together?
Crash: We used to play Minecraft together but you don’t play any more. Now we build lego, go ice skating
Bang: We play Uno, we skate together

17. How are you and Dad the same?
Crash: Our big caterpillar eyebrows!
Bang: We love pop

18. If your Dad was a cartoon character who would he be?
Crash: Snow white
Bang: Harry Potter

19. How are you and Dad different?
Crash: I have hair and you don’t. I play Minecraft, you don’t. You wear glasses, we read different books
Bang: I can’t drink beer but you can (but I don’t, I prefer wine)

20. How do you know Dad loves you?
Crash: Feed me, shelter me, scratch my back
Bang: He lays with me

21. What does Dad like best about Mom?
Crash: Her hair and her boobs
Bang: Her ding dong (that’s her belly button)

22. Where is Dad’s favorite place to go?
Crash: The living room couch
Bang: McDonalds and the Margarita shop

23. How old was Dad when you were born?
Crash: 30
Bang: 16

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Go Ask Your Father: Moonwalk, Tides, Earthquakes, and Hot Light Bulbs

I’ve had a guitar for 14 years. Guess how many complete songs I can play…

If you guessed one, your guess is too high. I can read basic music thanks to my years of playing trumpet in elementary and some middle school. I like the guitar because of it’s portability. I had a violin for a bit, too. I didn’t learn anything that because, well, it sucked. I know it’s the poor craftsman who blames his tools, but a music friend of my parents played it and said it wasn’t worth the wood it was built. Lately, though, I’ve come to really enjoy listening to the piano. I was substituting in a music class yesterday and girl played the chorus of Believer by Imagine Dragons and it was really neat to hear. That got me hooked so I found a YouTuber, a 14 year old named Sarah who played an incredible version of it. Even my boys loved it.

I can play the piano. With one hand behind my back (because I don’t use it anyway). I play all the classics… Mary had a Little Lamb, Frere Jacques, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

1. What’s a moonwalk?

Of course, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin and their 10 friends who have actually been to the moon (no, it’s not a conspiracy… Buzz punched a guy who thought it was therefore it is not). The real moonwalk was done 240,000 miles closer to home. It was right here on our planet Earth to be precise. The earliest recorded instance of the famed dance move is by Cab Calloway in 1932. They called it “The Buzz” 37 years before Buzz did his moonwalk. It was performed by many throughout the years by such stars as Judy Garland, Dick Van Dyke, and James Brown. It gained it’s infamy when Michael Jackson performed it during his televised event, Motown 25: Yesterday, Today, Forever where it became his signature move. It’s a move in which the dancer moves backwards but appears to be walking forward. There are Youtube videos that teach you how to do it.

2. What are tides?

They’re not the orange jugs of laundry soap. They’re not the pods that you need to keep locked and stored out of reach of kids who think the colorful bauble of soap might be candy. The Earth’s tides have to do with water, but not the cold water washing machine cycle. The tides are the ebb and flow, the movement of the water onto and away from the shoreline. Like that morning we went to the beach and the water was really close to us, but after lunch it was far away from our blanket and umbrella. We can thank the moon for that. The moon’s gravity pulls at the oceans of the Earth like little brothers pull big sister’s hair.

The moon’s gravity pulls at the Earth and the oceans’ water is able to move significantly as result. The water is pulled toward the moon. The gravity of the moon also makes the Earth wobble just a bit. Imagine the water moving UP the side of a glass that you are moving in a circle on the kitchen table. That up water in the glass would correlate with high tide on the Earth. As the moon orbits the Earth the oceans facing the sun are also pulled toward it. Simultaneously, the pull of the moon and slosh created by the wobble are on opposite sides of the Earth. As the Earth rotates through those two points the tides rise and fall.

3. Do we get earthquakes here?

Nope. Thankfully. Mexico is still cleaning up their mess. I’m not sure Haiti and Nepal have fully recovered, either. You see, here in Atlantic Canada we don’t live near any fault lines. Fault lines are where techtonic plates of different continental masses rub together. We are on that little land mass just above the i in Carribbean. A couple years ago a small quake was detected about 400 miles off shore of Newfoundland. We didn’t feel a thing and I never heard about any tidal surges because of it. Looking at the fault lines it’s not hard to imagine why New Zealand and California, among other places that lie on the fault lines, are always shaken (and not stirred).

4. Why do some lights get hot and others don’t?

Have you ever touched an incandescent bulb after it has been on for a bit? It’s a lesson you learn real quick. If you’re a man you’re going to try to be tough through the pain so you can get that bulb changed. If you’re a woman you’ll have the sense to use oven mitts or just wait for it to cool off. In an incandescent bulb, a filament acts as a resistor and heats up. It gets to about 4,600 degrees Farenheit to be exact. For comparison, lava is only 2,200 degrees F. This high heat creates some visible light. 90% of an incandescent bulb is heat and 5% is infered light. The other 5% is visible light. I highly suggest you switch to LED lights. Less electricity, less heat, same amount of light.

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