Questions I Asked My Kids: The #MyDadChallenge

I invite you to take the #MyDadChallenge. Ask your kids these simple 10 questions and then post them and tag me so I can share them, too. Thanks Dorky Mom for the idea!

Father’s Day is just around the corner. This year, I get to celebrate it with Bang. Not because he’s a dad, too, but because it’s his birthday. That will get a post of it’s own. Today is an early shout out to all the Fathers out there. More importantly, it’s a shout out to the Dad’s. Any man can be father. The special ones get called dad. Happy Early Dad’s Day to my dad, my step-dad-in-law, and my dad-in-law smiling/laughing down at us.

1. My dad is _____ years old and weighs _____ pounds.

Crash: 40; 190
Bang: Practically 42 years old; 62 pounds

2. My dad is good at cooking _____ and is not so good at cooking _____.

Crash: Pancakes and waffles; Doughboys
Bang: Lasagna; Nothing

3. If my dad were a superhero, his name would be ______ and his superpower would be _____.

Crash: Stomperdad; use the force
Bang: Superdad; Flying and punching and kicking and shooting lasers out of his eyes.

4. And if my dad were a villain, his name would be ______ and he would use his evil powers to _____.

Crash: Bad Dad; Take over the world
Bang: DadBagGuy; Kill goodness

5. I love it when my dad______.

Crash: Says yes.
Bang: Plays 10 minutes (a tickle game)

6. When my dad is driving, he_________.

Crash: Sort of pays attention
Bang: Is not a maniac

7. I like it when my dad _______ and I don’t like it when my dad _________.

Crash: Dies in Fortnite; limits my screen time
Bang: Goes on the trampoline; sits on me and tickles me

8. My dad does not like to _______.

Crash: Clean
Bang: Clean up messes

9. My dad does ________ the best and _________ the worst.

Crash: Waking me up; letting me stay up late
Bang: cooking; not letting his kids do anything

10. I’m thankful for my dad because ___________.

Crash: He give me shelter, and food, etc…
Bang: puts my hat on backwards.

Also, thanks for getting my head out of that concrete block

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A is for…

Ascend. Ascending. Ascension. To rise up through the air. To move upward. To level up.

For those who celebrated Easter today (Happy Easter!) it’s because a couple thousand years ago a certain man ascended into Heaven to be seated at the right hand of his Father.

However, I’d like to argue that as men, we ascend to higher beings when we become fathers. Prior to becoming Dad our soul purpose was to keep ourselves happy and healthy. We were numero uno. However, once we are a father, when we are called “Dad” for the first time, our perspective is elevated to a higher order of thinking.

No longer are we the number one priority. Here is this being who is helpless in every sense of the word depending on us for survival. Food. Shelter. Clean diapers. We helped Mom through the pregnancy but it wasn’t until this bundle of love entered the world that our perception changed. Fatherhood becomes as real as the infant in our arms.

One day we’re feeding ourselves, taking care of ourselves, pondering what we’ll do that day. Then suddenly here’s this screaming, giggling, always hungry being who becomes our responsibility. From the very first time they wrap their little hand around our finger we know things will never be the same. Me becomes we. I becomes you. We entertain. We watch them sleep. We feed. We change. We level up.

We ascend.

Being the Dad

It has been a work in progress, really. 40 years in the making. Skills like this don’t happen over night. It comes in tiny portions, miniscule lessons, an observation here and there, a pinch of know how, and a whole lotta luck. 

You don’t get to be a kick ass dad without having a kick ass dad to set the example. Some will tell you how it’s done. Others will show you. Either way, you know you’ve got a good one when you can look back on your childhood and realize that you dad just like your dad did. 

I was a patient kid. I’m a patient man, just like my father. He didn’t teach me to be patient, but I saw the value in it. I understood that it was virtue. Naturally, I lose my patience from time to time. Anyone who knows me knows I lose stuff. My patience shouldn’t be any different. We understand that good things come to those who wait. Work hard. Do your time and your time will come. 

Like patience, my dad knows the value of hard work. So I know a job worth doing is worth doing right. When I walk into a classroom I teach my heart out. I’m a “yes man”. When administration needs me to step up and do extra, I do. My dad worked hard, too. I can still picture him walking into my high school gym still in work clothes to watch my wrestling matches. That was after dark.
Being a good dad isn’t easy. It at comes with it’s share of doubts and hardships. Am I doing the right thing? Am I raising good people? What’s going to happen next? What should I teach them?

However, the rewards outshine both. The laughter. Seeing them act kindly. Watching their excitement when they are successful. Feeling pride swell when they learn, when they win, when they do good when they think no one is watching. 

Any man can be a father. The exceptional ones get to be called dad. I am the dad I am because of the dad my dad is. 

Both of them.

Go Ask Your Father: Goose, First People, Anuses, and Staying Up Late

The sun! The heat! The grass is growing fast than the boys, which I didn’t think was possible. The weather is here, wish you were beautiful. (Thank for that line Jimmy Buffet) I just realized you can change the meaning of that statement with a simple coma. Wish you were, beautiful.

Bang is here crushing my candy. He beat a level for me, as he commonly does.
Me: Thanks for beating that level for me, bud.
Bang: You’re obviously welcome. I am the master, you know.

1. What’s a baby goose called?

A baby oyster is a spat. A baby kangaroo is a joey. A baby jellyfish is an ephyna. A baby pigeon is a squab. A baby spider is a spiderling. A baby alpaca is a cria. Many animals are pups or calves or chicks. A baby goose, though? That’s a gosling. Like the Ryan some females tend to drool over like I drool over a cheeseburger. It’s an old word, apparently. It’s from the Old Norse gǽslingr, from gás ‘goose’ + -ling. You know something else that is Old Norse? Thor, the God of Thunder.

a baby goose

not a baby goose

 

 

 

 

 

2. Who were the first people on Earth?

Depends on who you ask. If you ask Ken Ham the Christian Fundamentalist, Adam and Eve were the first people. He also believes the Earth was created 6,000 years ago. However, if you ask Bill Nye the Science Guy (BILL BILL BILL) the Earth is four and half billion years old and the first humans evolved from apes and human evolved around 2.8 million years ago. But that’s arguable among scientists. Just because it looks human doesn’t necessarily make it human. Did it use tools? How did it get food? How smart was it. I know some people who still haven’t quite finished evolving from their neanderthal status.

3. What’s an anus*?

Here’s how it happened. We were watching a video on YouTube and a family was at a science museum. They were looking at planets. The dad says, “There’s yer-anus.” His son then asks, “My anus?” And then Bang asks his question. The simple answer? It’s the hole your poop comes out. The long answer? It’s the end of your digestive tract. Food leaves your small intestines (10′ long) and enters your large intestines (5′ long). This is comprised of the ascending colon, the transverse colon, the descending colon and the sigmoid colon. From there it’s stored in the rectum until it’s ready for expulsion. Whether you’re ready or not.

*also called – one eyed pirate, the stink eye, a poop chute, President…

4. Can I stay up late?

If you have wee ones you have heard this question many times, no doubt. If you read Go Ask Your Father you have read this question before. Tonight, Crash is at a friend’s house for a sleepover. It’ll be the first time he’s gone farther from Nanny’s for a sleepover without his parents. So it’s just Bang and his parents playing Candy Crush. (I’m only at level 439. DW is at 560) Since it’s now 8:00 pm and he’s still awake, the answer is yes. Plus the Orioles play the Blue Jays in Baltimore so that game is on T.V. Will I be up late? Yes, yes I will.

If you’re up late, click here to check out (and follow!) my Facebook page. Then come back and click here to check out (and follow!) me on Twitter.

D is for…

I’m killing this challenge. We’re up to the letter D and I haven’t missed a single letter.. I’m determined to see this through.

Determination is also when your 9 year old won’t give up the electronics to get ready for school and will tell you “one second” 1500 times, he’s determined to lose said electronics for a week. Also, when I take said electronics away I’m determined to get him to get ready for school without being supervised every step of the way.

is for Dad. The best damn job any decent man can demand to be. That’s what this blog space is ultimately about, isn’t it? Or at least I try. Though it probably comes across more as a stay home mom blog. My hope is that my perspective and my humor inject just enough Dad to make it not a mom blog.

We are a unique breed. As I’ve been discovering over the past 5 years, since Bang was born, we’re becoming more and more proliferate. I’m continuously meeting dads who have stepped up to the parenting role and are either taking charge in their family or taking co-charge with mom. Dads change diapers, even if it makes them gag. Dads cook the meals, not just mac and cheese, either. Dads read and tuck the kids in at bedtime. Dads create new ways to say, “I love you.” Ugga Mugga. Blah blah blah. Yep.

There are still men who are strangers to their kids. Men who have no part in their kids’ lives. Men who in no way support their kids or their kids mother. They are simply fathers. Like the old adage says, “Any man can be a father, but it takes a special someone to be a Dad.” This post isn’t about them. They don’t deserve that kind of recognition. They don’t deserve the string of 1’s and 0’s it takes for the computer spell DAD.

This post is for the deserving dads. It’s for the ones who know their kids, who take part in the parenting process, who don’t shy away from cooking, cleaning, laundry, baths, diapers, teaching, and sleepless nights. Just kidding… we men don’t have sleepless nights, just nights we’re woken slightly. This post is for the dad who steps up to the duties of playing Barbie, My Little Pony, and tea parties. This post is for the dad who has the patience to teach his heathens to shoot hoops, throws a baseball, kick the soccer ball, or race ostriches. This is for the game board dad who begins to doubt his own existence after playing 57 straight games of Uno, begs to be put out of his misery after 14 straight hours of monopoly, and refuses to let his kids win at Battleship. Even once.

Here’s to all you dads who accept their challenge and not only be The Dad but wear that cape proudly and confidently. Here’s to all you dads who raised boys to be SuperDads, too. Here’s to all the Moms who love us Dads, even when we sometimes make you as crazy as the kids do. So whether you crack open a cold one, spice up your Coke with some whisky, or share a glass of wine with the love of your life, I raise my glass to you.

Cheers, Dad.

Time

The past is just a memory. The future is unforseeable. All we have is right here, right now. 

This very moment. 

I’m hearing stories of my father-in-law. 

Of how he grew up with a twin sister and they were the second youngest of 17 kids. 

Of how his first job working at gas station, he made $25 a week and would give most of it away to kids for new shoes, or to go to the circus, or for fries and drink, or to go to the movies. 

Of how much he loved kids, particularly his grandkids. He would walk for hours to get a granddaughter to sleep when her father just couldn’t do it. He always had a joke or would act a clown to make them laugh. He would pass them his spare change. He always had a treat for them.

Of how he knew so many people and touched so many lives in big ways and small. Whether through an act of kindness, the giving of a nickname, or just talking their ears off, he was an influence far and wide. 

Of his use of the English language. There were no swear words in his vocabulary, though he swore enough to make a sailor blush. To him they were just verbs, adverbs, and adjectives. 

Of his days working as a welder.  I’m told that whatever job he was on he was always one of the best. Though that doesn’t surprise me because he always took pride in his work. 

Of how he loved company. He truly believed the more the merrier. He’d invite friends and tell them to bring their friends. It wasn’t uncommon for friends to arrive with their friend’s friends. Then he would start up the BBQ and feed you. 

Of how some animals liked his home better than their owners’ home so they’d come live with him instead. He adopted stray cats. He adopted a bearded dragon that couldn’t travel with his granddaughter. 

Of how he would bail kids out of trouble. He would give them a place to sleep when they were tired. He would feed them when they were hungry. 

Of how much he gave. His money. His time. His tools. His Jeep. A listening ear or an earful. His home. 

He gave me his greatest treasure… His daughter and his family. For that I’m forever grateful. 

His memorial service was Saturday. There was food and a few swear words, the place was packed, memories shared and laughter rang through the tears. 

A snow at Night

I’ve got 17 minutes while my video Crash and I recorded this evening finished rendering so I can get up on the channel. Crash wants it on his channel, too.

Anyway, Bang is off to a sleepover at Nanny and Pop’s house. The snow is flying here and we’re supposed to get 4 inches tonight and another possible 12 inches tomorrow night. The winds were calm so I suggested to Crash, “Lets take the drone for a fly.”

“But it’s dark and snowing!”

“So. It’ll be alright. There’s no wind.”

The grin he gave me nearly split his face in two. First, we were going to fly the drone. Second, it was slightly risky because it’s dark and snowing. Good father/son times. Excluding severe weather,  wind is our biggest enemy with this toy. Since there was none, we strapped on the GoPro (which doesn’t mind extreme weather) and took off.

It was calm enough that I fairly comfortable handing the controls over to Crash. Allowing a 9 year old to manoeuvre a done that doesn’t have GPS capabilities isn’t highly recommended. He didn’t do too bad. I was there to coach him. His only mistake was that he kept throttling down too fast so he kept “bouncing” it off the snowy ground. Fortunately, it was only falling from a few feet. No harm done and he got to experience handling the controls.

I got some neat video at the end, but because I had forgotten to wipe the snow off the camera on the last bounce there wasn’t much to see. You can just barely make us out through the snow crystals clinging to the lens.

Anyway, this little toy of ours has become something he and I can do together. Granted, the battery only lasts about 10 minutes… it’s still time together. After our flight, it was snack time, teeth time, then read time. We’re on chapter 29 of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – another us time moment that we both look forward to every night. Now I’m looking forward to spending a few minutes with DW before we both crawl into bed between our new microfleece sheets.

Click here to see the drone in the snow at night video…

Go Ask Your Father: Heat Pumps, Fire Ants, Brains, and Bad Words

It’s been quite a while since I’ve answered some questions. I haven’t written many down either. I’m back on track now. Or at least it appears that way. I could be just running around in circles. It’s hard to tell.

How do heat pumps work?

DW asked this one and I can’t for the life of me remember why. I think she was talking to her brother and he was talking about the heat pump at their house needing replaced. Sounds right, anyway. Turns out it’s simple physics and science. When I say simple, I mean complicated. Imagine walking outside in winter naked as a newborn. It’s freezing outside and your body is warm (for a moment). Since heat flows from warm to cold, your body heat flows to the surrounding air and you cool off because you’re losing heat. This same process can happens in reverse in heat pumps to heat houses. Except to get heat out of cold air, you need to pass that cold air over something that’s even colder. In the case of heat pumps, it’s a refrigerant. Yep, exactly the one in your refrigerator. Another scientific part is that the “something colder” is a gas (CO2) filled coil. When gas expands it cools significantly. You probably felt this when spraying an aerosol can – a can of hair spray. So it passes through a compressor and allowed to expand again. Once it expands it gets cold. The heat from the air then flows into the cold CO2 warming it. The warm gas then flows by the fan that transfers the heat in the gas to the air and it’s blown into your house. See. Simple science.

Why do fire ants make our skin burn?

Because they’re little bastards that like to see humans terrified of such a small creature. I just read that most biting ants bite then spray the wound with an acid. Geez. I’ll pass, thanks. On the contrary, fire ants bite only for grip. Once gripped they sting from their abdomen. With the stinger they inject a toxic alkaloid (aka fancy pants chemical compound) venom called Solenopsin. For us human folk this fancy pants chemical compound gives a sensation of burning. To those sensitive to stings, this venom can be deadly.

What does your brain do?

Bang asked this one night at bedtime. For several nights he wanted to discuss brains. I tried to convince him to grow up to be a neurosurgeon. At first he said yeah, he would be one. The next night he had changed his mind because he doesn’t want to cut people’s heads off. Guess I didn’t explain it too good. Essentially, our brains are grey, wrinkly sponges that control our entire body. Everything from our senses to our organs to our movements to our thoughts and feelings and dreams. Though, in some people, we really do wonder what they’re using their brain for. Sometimes it does nothing more than keep our ears apart, right Ma?

Why do big kids say bad words?

Big kids say shit because it makes them feel like adults. It pisses me off when I hear “kids” saying bad words. These are adult words to be used during adult times. They are not to be just thrown out there like a common douche. Crash and Bang have been testing out the waters with a particular swear word. Arse. That would be the polite swear word for ass. One evening over their bowls of yogurt Crash tells us, “I farted in bed and it felt like my butt cheeks were flapping.” Bang responds without missing a single beat, “Flappy arse.” How could we not not laugh? Because we laughed, he continued. Now arse is nearly a household word. I’ve told them that’s an “at home” word and if I hear of them using elsewhere they’ll get their arses tanned.

Go Ask Your Father:

What better time is there to get pummled with questions than at bedtime. There’s something about the darkness that provokes inquisitiveness. Their little bodies rest while their brains are still in overdrive.

What’s the flu?

Influenza is a respiratory illness caused the flu virus. No antibiotic will cure you. Antibiotics work on bacterial infections, not viral. It has a rap sheet of symptoms. Fever, cough, sore throat, runny/stuffy nose, muscle/body aches, headaches, fatigue, and perhaps vomiting and/or diarrhea. It totals up to a whole boat load of a bad week. It’s highly contagious. You can pass it on before you start showing symptoms, while you’re sick, and for 5-7 days after. Wash your hands often. Cover coughs and sneezes. Get lots of rest. CDC recommends getting a flu vaccine once a year. Oh. And stay away from me. Unless you’re DW or one of my sons. As much as I hate my boys being sick, I do enjoy how snuggly they become.

Why do some people have dark faces?

Ah, here we go. Ethnicities. Races. I wish we could put aside that word “race” in terms of where you are from. We’re all part of the human race. We need a one world race, unity, and cooperation. Anyway, the short answer is different people of different parts of the world have different skin colors. It’s just the way they’re made. He was okay with that answer. However, if skin color is only skin deep, what does it look like? It’s a pigment called melanin which is controlled by at least six genes. Melanin is also due to the presence of melanin. No matter how light or dark you are, you have melanin. There are two kinds-pheomelanin which is red to yellow and eumelanin which is brown to black. It is indeed skin deep as it’s located in the epidermis (the outer layer of skin). They have the ability to detect and react to ultraviolet radiation from the sun. Too much and you’ll end up with a sunburn. Over a bit of time in the sun the melanin will give you a darker face. We call this a tan. 

Why do big kids say bad words?

Bad words could range from “stupid” to “frigger” or “frickin'”. Or it could be worse. Big kids say bad words because it makes them feel older. It makes them feel like an adult. It makes them feel important. Our boys know they are not to say them anytime, anywhere. That goes for the really bad ones. The true swear words. Other words, the ones I call “at home” words, they understand it’s okay to say them at home but nowhere else. Frigger and frickin’ are two examples. When you slam the closet door on your finger or drop the staple gun on your toe you need a word to relieve the pain. Those two are acceptable. 

What’s an anus?

Awe frig. Really? 

Backstory: We were watching AFV America’s Funniest Videos. At a science museum a dad pointed out Uranus to his young son. His young son then questions, “My anus?” This is why I pronounce it Yer-uh-nus instead of yer-ANUS. Bang heard the word and immediately asked the same.

It’s your bum. More specifically, your bum hole where the poop comes out. That’s all I said. That’s all he needed to hear. Thank God.

Slang words for your sphincter: starfish, turd cutter, shitslit, poop chute, stinkeye, poop hoop, pirate eye

Go Ask Your Father: Days and Nights, TIE Fighters, Vaccines, and Flight Fees

Why is there night and day? 

There are nights so we parents can get a break from being parents and just be adults. We can drink alcohol and watch shows with bad words. We can use the bathroom alone. We can eat junk food without having to share it. There days so you kids can drive us bonkers again.

In truth, there is night and day because the Earth is rotating. It takes the Earth 23 hours 56 minutes and 4 seconds to make one complete rotation. It rotates counterclockwise at about 1,040 miles per hour at the equator. But why does it rotate? The Earth spins because it formed in the accretion disk of a cloud of hydrogen that collapsed down from mutual gravity and needed to conserve its angular momentum. It continues to spin because of inertia. WTF? Seriously?

Don’t worry. I didn’t understand that either. What it means is that when our solar system was first forming, atoms were colliding. When they would collide they would stick together and average their movements. Imagine rolling two magnetic balls toward each other. When they collide they stick and spin. This collection continued building and continued spinning until this thing we now inhabit and call Earth was formed.  No one knows why it’s called Earth.

What does T.I.E. stand for?

Ah, yes! A Star Wars question! T.I.E., as in T.I.E. fighter, stands for Twin Ion Engine. It’s two engines that created positively charged particles (called ions) using a gas (like xenon) then accelerating the ion through an electrically charged field. When the ion is accelerated from the back of the fighter, due to Newton’s 3rd law, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Hence, the ion is shoved backward and the fighter is pushed forward. This is real science, not science fiction. NASA has it’s own ion engines currently in use! They’ve just upped one on Mr. Lucas though. The probe used in the Dawn mission to study two protoplanets in the asteroid belt , Vesta and Ceres, do one better than TIE fighters. The Dawn probe uses three ion engines.

What’s a vaccine?

The vaccine debate! I’ll keep it short. Some believe that vaccines cause autism and therefore do not vaccinate their children. PLEASE! Check out this fantastic study on how vaccines cause autism. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

Bang had to get two shots (by needle, not by gun. That’s a different debate) before he could go to “big kid school”. DW and I also realized our tetanus shots were out of date so we got our vaccination as well. Vaccines prepare your body for an illness without exposing it to the disease’s symptoms. Immune cells, called lymphocytes, respond by producing antibodies to combat the disease and thereby making you immune to it should you come in contact with said disease. Your immune system recognizes the foreign body and is able to kill it before it can make you sick. Much like you recognize broccoli on your pizza before you eat it and thereby saving yourself from horrible pizza toppings.

How much does it cost to fly on an airplane?

An arm, a leg and a blood oath.

Depends on where you’re going. Are you flying domestic or international? Are you flying near or far? When I bought DW’s (back in 2003 she was DG – Dear Girlfriend) first plane ticket to come visit me in Virginia I paid $297. Today I could get it for $393 on a seat sale. Otherwise it would cost $479.

However we are not just one person any more. We are four. If we were to fly to BWI (Baltimore/Washington International) from YHX (Halifax) it would cost $2,734 for the four us according to one travel website. We can drive the 1,100 miles in our truck, as we did last summer, for $500.

Fuel prices, airport landing fees, supply and demand all play a role in driving the cost of flights.

Unfortunately, to fly to Hawaii for a week would cost us over $6,000. If only we had twin ion engines…

This Taboo Word Challenge is getting tougher! Today’s word was “have”.
To read more posts without the Taboo Word (have) or to join the challenge just click the blue frog…

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