How can I tell him no he can’t do something when I totally want to do it myself?
He was invited to a birthday party, but not just any old birthday party. They went for lunch at Pizza Delight (where they also celebrated the birthday girl’s birthday with presents and cake) then to the movies to watch The Croods and eat more treats! I’m so jealous of him right now it’s not fit. I can’t even remember the last movie I saw in the theater. Anyway, it’s an hour and half drive just to get there and he was getting picked up at noon with 3 other friends and the birthday girl’s parents drove them up. Crash has been with sitters before. He’s ever only gone without us in another vehicle with his grandparents. Needless to say we were a bit nervous (not about the parents taking him. Them we trust.) We were nervous about him going out with us there to keep tabs on him. We were being tested.
As it turns out he’s better behaved for other people than he is for us (isn’t that always the case?). They took two cars because neither of their car can fit 6 people and Crash rode home in a different car with a different friend then the one he rode to the party with. He couldn’t have cared less about the change! He had so much fun and was so well behaved… I couldn’t have denied him this experience just because I had an insecurity or two. Which makes me think, how often do I say no simply because I’m insecure about something. Have I denied him an worthy experience simply because I was afraid of the risks involved? Heck, how many opportunities have I let slip past simply because of a perceived risk? You better believe I’ll be taking a closer look at my decision making process now. I’ll start with my decision to go to bed now since it’s 11:00pm and kids don’t believe in weekends.
The “Love Me” phase. It’s the “hold me, rock me, never put me down” phase. It sucks. We love snuggle time at bedtime with the kids (almost 6 and nearly 2 year olds). It’s our quiet time together after the whirlwind of our day. Crash is great to go to sleep. He can put himself to sleep; he just prefers one of us to be with him. Bang gets rocked until he falls asleep (given away by his twitches) and we’d transfer him into his crib. Until now.
Now as soon as I stand up for the transfer, his eyes pop open, his arms wrap tightly around me and I can feel his little body tense with the anticipation of being put in bed. The moment his body touches the mattress he’s flipping himself over to stand up and yell at me. It breaks my heart knowing that all he wants is to snuggle. However, when it’s 9pm and he’s still awake, something’s gotta give. “No” I tell him. “Snuggle time is over, go the f*** to sleep”. I kiss him good night, tell him I love him millions, and then leave. I’m sure his scream could be heard throughout the quad counties. It wasn’t an “I’m in pain” scream. It was surely, without a doubt a “You call yourself a dad? Get back here and rock me!” scream. Guttural. Shaking mad. Pissed.
It was only that one scream and then he was reduced to tears and crying. I let him cry for 15 minutes. Surely by now he’s worn himself out and will fall asleep fast if I rock him. His big brother was 2 doors over sound asleep and I didn’t want him waking up, too. It’s hard enough to get one kid back sleep. Two awake is beyond anything I’m capable of resolving. At 9:30 (after rocking for 15 minutes) he was twitching again. I gave him a couple more minutes. I rose, waiting to feel his arms clench around me. Nothing. I laid him in bed and he stirred and my heart stopped. But he was only looking for his penguin stuffy and 2nd Binky. I covered him as gently as new fall snow. I held my breath and crept out of the room as quietly as I could and shut the door; not daring to breathe again until I was downstairs.
We’ve got a plan now and he will sleep…
This is a dad’s blog. It’s what this dad does and how he does it. 2 kids, a five (almost 6) year old, Crash and a 1 (nearly 2) year old, Bang and a smart, beautiful, compassionate DW. This is how I have fun, survive, thrive and just plain get through the day. I shall write about everything from my joy of running to the playground project, but mostly about raising 2 kids in today’s information overloaded world. This is the beginning…
Actually, that was just this past Easter… this is the beginning: