Questions I Asked My Kids: The #MyMomChallenge

Erika, The Dorky Mom Doodler, Mom, doodler, and general, all round great blogger, set forth this #hashtag challenge on Mother’s Day. These questions are all about our loving, beautiful, slightly nuts, Mother. Or as I call her, DW. Dee Dub is her rapper name.

I saved these questions for today as the gift that keeps on giving. And because Thursdays are questions days, not Sundays. So Happy Belated Mother’s Day. Here’s your laugh.

1. My mom is _____ years old and weighs _____ pounds.

Crash: 40; 190 something
Bang: 41; 15

2. My mom is good at cooking _____ and is not so good at cooking _____.

Crash: Lasagna; Keto pizza
Bang: pancakes; nothing, she cooks everything good.

3. If my mom were a superhero, her name would be ______ and her superpower would be _____.

Crash: Tara; shooting lasers out of her eyes
Bang: Supermom; Flying and punching and kicking

4. And if my mom were a villain, her name would be ______ and she would use her evil powers to _____.

Crash: Bad Mom; Take over the world
Bang: Taralee the Villain; Join her evil and apacolypse the world

5. I love it when my mom ______.

Crash: Snuggle me
Bang: snuggles me!

6. When my mom is driving, she _________.

Crash: gets white knuckles
Bang: is not a maniac

7. I like it when my mom _______ and I don’t like it when my mom _________.

Crash: lays with me at night; yells at me
Bang: plays games with me; yells

8. My mom does not like to _______.

Crash: Be annoyed
Bang: go on the trampoline

9. My mom does ________ the best and _________ the worst.

Crash: Snuggles; Pokemon battles
Bang: everything; cooks speghetti

10. I’m thankful for my mom because ___________.

Crash: She loves me
Bang: She’s the best hugger.

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Go Ask Your Father: Purples, Depths, A Weight, and TVs

You don’t need a calendar to know that Christmas is approaching. There are Christmas decorations and Christmas baking. There are Christmas concerts, Christmas parties, Christmas shopping, Christmas songs, Christmas sweaters and Christmas socks. There are also kids (and dads) around the world bouncing off the walls, quite literally, with excitement. There are also Christmas questions…

1. Why is everything purple?

Once upon a time purple was Bang favorite color. He had purple shorts and purple shoes. He loved to color with the purple crayon. We could have named him Harold (bonus points if you know Harold and his purple crayon). The answer to everything being purple isn’t because of a crayon, though. Thank God. Purple is color of everything churchy these days. It is the color of advent (and lent). In the Catholic church purple is the sign of penance, sacrifice and preparation. Purple is also the color of royalty and wealth as it was once very expensive to produce. In the story of Jesus a purple cloak was draped over his bleeding shoulders to mock him as a king.

2. How do ships know how deep the water is?

Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? I heard it was quite an oar deal! Boats know the depth using sound waves (a lot like ocean waves except smaller, invisible and made of sound). Since we know the speed of sound through water (roughly the same speed Christmas morning will be over), we can determine how far it travelled before being bounced back. There’s a lot of science involved, but all you need to know is the material’s density, compressibility and temperature. We know all this about the ocean, so a ship’s sonar bounces sound waves off the bottom of the ocean and measures how long it took the echo to return and presto bango, you know the depth.

3. How much does the Earth weigh?

Nevermind the Earth for a minute. A butcher is 6 feet tall with blue eyes. What does he weigh? Meat. He weighs meat! Now imagine if you had a scale big enough to set the Earth on, how much would the Earth weigh? Nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch. It’s weightless in the near vacuum of space. However, using math, science, the laws of gravity, fancy formulas and figuring the densities of the various materials we know the Earth weighs 1.31668×10²⁵ lbs. For those of you who aren’t quite sure what that means, its 13,166,800,000,000,000,000,000,000 pounds. Say it with me: 13 septillion 166 sextillion 800 quintillion pounds. It also happens to be the same weight of all the junk food I plan on eating over the next two weeks…

4. You had TV when you were a kid?

First, the backstory. The boys are into this cartoon called “Teen Titans, Go!”. Apparently it’s based on a 2003 show that is based on an ’80’s comic book. In this show, Robin, Raven, Starfire, Beastboy, and Cyborg battle numerous “bad guys”. In one of the episodes they revisited the old ’80’s Robin cartoon and children we’re witness to watch TV animation used to be. This question arose when I informed the boys that that was what my cartoons looked like when I was their age. Yes, heathen, I had TV in the 80’s. TV was actually available in crude, experimental form in the late 1920. It became widely popular after improved black and white broadcasting became available after WWII and during the 1950’s. The first televised sitcom (according to Wikipedia) was Mary Kay and Johnny in 1948. The first televised football game occurred 9 years prior in 1939 by NBC. It was a college game Waynesburg vs. Fordham and it’s estimated that it reach about a thousand television sets (scientifically that’s 1×10^3). That’s how many M&M’s I can fit in my belly. In case you were wondering, the Fordham Rams won 34-7.

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I get to hold the remote. DW says what show to put on.

Questions I Asked My Kids: ep55

1. If you opened a store what would you name it and what would you sell?

Crash: I would name it RC Cars and Trucks and and sell remote controlled vehicles – cars, trucks, hamsters, drones…
Bang: I would sell cans of soda, chips, some cakes and name it “The Junk Store”

2. If you could grow anything in the garden, what would you grow?

Crash: Jack’s giant beanstalk
Bang: More of me

3. If your stuffie could talk, what would it say?

Crash: He would say a lot of stuff like Lets play Minecraft and Can we snuggle?
Bang: I love you (and mom and dad, too)

4. If you were to draw me a picture right this instant, what would you draw?

Crash: I would draw that car on TV that goes 360 miles per hour
Bang: Scribbles

5. What sound do you like?

Crash: Chicken noises
Bang: Cats purring and sneezing dogs and cannons blowing off because they’re sounds I can make

6. If you could ask a wild animal anything what would you ask it?

Crash: I would ask a cheetah, “Can I adopt you?” so when I miss the bus we can zoom there
Bang: I’d ask a giraffe to lift me way way high

7. If animals could drive, which one would be the most fun to ride with?

Crash: An elephant
Bang: A giraffe

8. What are three things you want to do this winter?

Crash: Build an igloo, have a snowball fight, and snowboard
Bang: Snowball fight, jump in gigantic snow piles and biff Frizbees

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Crash: A racecar driver… actually no. A robot designer
Bang: A cat sitter

10. What’s the funniest word you know?

Crash: Quack
Bang: Poopy (then whispers “type a-r-s-e”)

Questions I Asked My Kids: The Mom Edition

“Day two. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.”

Thanks, A Momma’s View for the challenge

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If you recall, last week was the one year anniversary of the questions episodes. I asked 23 questions all about Dad. This week, I’ve flipped it and made it all about Mom.

Mom Mom, she’s the bomb/ Rockin all night until the break of dawn…

She’s the crazy glue holding us all together. She’s the Jedi using the force to bend wills with her mind. She’s got the one ring to rule us all. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy. But all we really need to know is “because she said so, that why.”

As always, feel free to steal these questions to ask your own kids (no matter how old they are). Just be sure to tag me so I can read their answers.

1. What is something Mom always says to you?
Crash: “Go clean something” or “Get ready for school!”
Bang: Get upstairs

2. What makes Mom happy?
Crash: Trips and vacations
Bang: When Piper gives mom kisses

3. What makes Mom sad?
Crash: When she thinks of Guppie
Bang: When Piper bites mom instead of giving kisses

4. How does Mom make you laugh?
Crash: By making seriously stupid faces
Bang: When she stomps and claps when she’s copying my brother

5. What was Mom like as a child?
Crash: She liked to do crafts and play outside
Bang: She liked to play around and she loved to eat

6. How old is Mom?
Crash: 40
Bang: 40 and a hav (he typed it himself)

7. How tall is Mom?
Crash: 73cm
Bang: 8 feet

8. What is Mom’s favorite thing to do?
Crash: Color her weird circle coloring things
Bang: sleep

9. What does Mom do when you’re not here?
Crash: Clean the house and deal with work kinda sorta work situation thingys
Bang: Clean

10. If Mom becomes famous what will it be for?
Crash: For her hugs, she nearly squeezes my eye balls out!
Bang: Going on stage with Ellen DeGeneres

11. What is Mom really good at?
Crash: Making sure I have everything when I’m going somewhere like Nan’s or school
Bang: Cleaning

12. What is Mom not very good at?
Crash: Play Mario Kart. She says “Bastard bastard”
Bang: Going to sleep

13. What is Mom’s job?
Crash: Adult teacher
Bang: Working at work

14. What makes you proud of Mom?
Crash: Get through work days, pay the bills and keep me alive (Feed me, shelter me, etc…)
Bang: I can’t think of anything except cleaning

15. What is Mom ’s favourite food?
Crash: Chocolate macaroons
Bang: Keto diet pie!

16. What do you and Mom do together?
Crash: Snuggle and play Mario Kart sometimes
Bang: Sleep. She goes on that side of my bed and I go on this side and we sleep together

17. How are you and Mom the same?
Crash: We have the same last name and we both like chocolate
Bang: We both go to sleep at the same time and we both have a heart and brain and hands

18. If your Mom was a cartoon character who would he be?
Crash: Either Starfire from Teen Titans Go, or Diasy from Mickey Mouse
Bang: Padme Amadala

19. How are you and Mom different?
Crash: We have different middle names, She cleans and I don’t
Bang: We don’t have the same brain or skin color and she has bigger boobier boobies

20. How do you know Mom loves you?
Crash: She snuggles me and lays with me, but she doesn’t scratch my back
Bang: She kisses me

21. What does Mom like best about Dad?
Crash: That you shave your beard and you can be very silly sometimes
Bang: That you’re married and you kiss each other

22. Where is Mom ’s favorite place to go?
Crash: Home
Bang: Haunted houses

23. How old was Mom when you were born?
Crash: 30
Bang: 10

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DW doesn’t fake sleep, she real sleeps.

 

23 Questions I Asked My Kids: The 2 Year Anniversary

This is the origin of the “Questions I Asked My Kids” series that appears here every Thursday. Or most Thursdays. This is the 52nd episode, the one year episode. I have asked 10 questions every Thursday for an entire year. 520 questions. Except the pilot episode had 23. Of course, sometimes questions were repeated just to see if they would give the same answer.

In honor of those first 23 questions, I thought I’d revisit them. It took me more than two years to ask a year’s worth of questions. The pilot first appeared in June of 2015. Crash was just 8 and Bang 4. You can read Bang’s answers here and Crash’s are here. As always, feel free to steal these questions to ask your own kids (no matter how old they are). Just be sure to tag me so I can read their answers.

1. What is something Dad always says to you?
Crash: No
Bang: Get ready for bed!

2. What makes Dad happy?
Crash: When the Orioles win or Splatoon 2
Bang: When I do chores

3. What makes Dad sad?
Crash: When the Orioles lose or my brother and I aren’t good listeners.
Bang: When you couldn’t get the chocolate sugar cookies because mom made you put them back (I got vanilla ones instead)

4. How does Dad make you laugh?
Crash: By saying “I’m Bri’ish. I drive on the other side of the road” in a British accent.
Bang: By stomping and clapping when you make fun of my brother

5. What was Dad like as a child?
Crash: You had hair for one and you liked going outside and playing baseball
Bang: You behaved good but were a little bit bad and liked to run around and scream

6. How old is Dad?
Crash: 40
Bang: 41

7. How tall is Dad?
Crash: 5’4 or 5’9 or 5′ something
Bang: 21 feet

8. What is Dad’s favorite thing to do?
Crash: Go outside or watch the Orioles
Bang: Teach in gym

9. What does Dad do when you’re not here?
Crash: Clean and play Splatoon 2
Bang: Wash dishes, watch TV, play Splatoon and crawl around on the floor

10. If Dad becomes famous what will it be for?
Crash: Teaching, I guess
Bang: Being in a book that says dad dad dad dad dad dad

11. What is Dad really good at?
Crash: Aiming snowballs like that time I was running away from you and you hit me in the back of the head.
Bang: Cleaning the house and teaching gym

12. What is Dad not very good at?
Crash: You’re not very good at surviving in Splatoon 2 and remembering stuff
Bang: Playing baseball on the Nintendo Switch. When we play I always beat you

13. What is Dad’s job?
Crash: Teaching but it’s not your official job. You don’t have an official job, you’re just a substitute.
Bang: Teaching gym

14. What makes you proud of Dad?
Crash: That you love me and pack my lunch and awesome super amazing best dad ever
Bang: Making my bed

15. What is Dad’s favourite food?
Crash: Apple pie
Bang: Peanuts and roast beef

16. What do you and Dad do together?
Crash: We used to play Minecraft together but you don’t play any more. Now we build lego, go ice skating
Bang: We play Uno, we skate together

17. How are you and Dad the same?
Crash: Our big caterpillar eyebrows!
Bang: We love pop

18. If your Dad was a cartoon character who would he be?
Crash: Snow white
Bang: Harry Potter

19. How are you and Dad different?
Crash: I have hair and you don’t. I play Minecraft, you don’t. You wear glasses, we read different books
Bang: I can’t drink beer but you can (but I don’t, I prefer wine)

20. How do you know Dad loves you?
Crash: Feed me, shelter me, scratch my back
Bang: He lays with me

21. What does Dad like best about Mom?
Crash: Her hair and her boobs
Bang: Her ding dong (that’s her belly button)

22. Where is Dad’s favorite place to go?
Crash: The living room couch
Bang: McDonalds and the Margarita shop

23. How old was Dad when you were born?
Crash: 30
Bang: 16

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Questions I Asked Nanny and Pop

I’ve asked my own parents these questions. And these questions, too. I wish I would have asked DW’s dad these questions, too. It’s a good way to get a glimpse into the past. Sometimes a past I had no part of. A past before my own d a existence. Wonder where I was before I existed…

It’s too hot to ask questions that deep. Over my head. Off the diving board deep end. 

1. What are 3 words your parents would use to describe you?

Moe: Spoiled brat (according to my siblings), Pretty, and a hard worker (I was house cleaning for people when I was 10)
Pop: Good, hard worker (using a pick and sledgehammer when I was 9), Shy

2. How did you meet you meet Pop?

Moe: Taralee (DW) introduced us at Tim Hortons the day she got her driver’s license

3. What was your favorite vacation?

Moe: My trips to Cuba. Was there for 1 week the first time and 2 weeks the second. 
Pop: Cuba. I didn’t have to cook or make beds or anything…

4. What’s one memory of DW that makes you laugh?

Moe: I can laugh now, but it wasn’t funny at the time… She wanted a pair of bib overalls and she kicked and screamed and bawled until she got them. Then she cut the legs off them! Also, when she was a baby (I was carrying her) we got off a plane she pooped herself. Her aunt picked her up and shit was running down her leg!
Pop: We had found a chip that was shaped like an ear. We told her there was a recall on potato chips because a guy had died on the assembly line and ended up in the chips.

5. What’s something you miss from “the good ol’ days?”

Moe: Neighbors and lots of company and people around all time. Now there’s barely anyone…
Pop: No worries

6. If you get reincarnated as an animal, what do you hope to come back as?

Moe: A little kitty to crawl into somebody’s lap and they can pet me all day.
Pop: A frog

7. What’s your karaoke song?

Moe: Nothing… I don’t like singing and I don’t know any songs right through. I used to like to sing “Can I Have This Dance” by Ann Murray
Pop: “If I had a Million Dollars” 

8. What was high school like for you?

Moe: Terrible, because I didn’t like my homeroom teacher, Mr. Horswell. I didn’t like gym and they made me do it. I also didn’t like French because I couldn’t understand it.
Pop: Boring, because after grade 5 had no interest in school whatsoever

9. What are 3 things (shows, sports, etc…) you like to watch on T.V

Moe: Game shows, Family Feud with Steve Harvey, Wheel of Fortune, Who Wants To be A Millionaire, The Price Is Right, Jeopardy. Oh, and cooking shows like “Master Chef”
Pop: Racing and pretty much any game show…

10. What was your first car? What color was it? Do you remember how much it cost? 

Moe: A blue 1987 Ford LTD
Pop: Green ’66 Pontiac Lauretian

Birthday Time Capsule Questions

We survived the birthday dash – two birthdays two weeks apart. We are now the proud owners parents of a six and ten year old. So hard to believe I’ve been called Dad for 10 years. Seems so short a time ago I was a new dad carrying a screaming infant trying to figure out why he was screaming. Now I’ve got a screaming 10 year old and I’m still trying to figure out why he’s screaming.

Just kidding. He doesn’t scream any more. It’s more like a growl. Sometimes it sounds like a moo. 

Last year on each of the boys’ birthdays I asked them these 20 questions. This year I just asked them at the same time. Some of their answers remained the same, some are different. Some didn’t surprise me, some did. You can read last year’s responses by Crash and/or last year’s responses by Bang.

1. What is your favourite color?

Crash: Green
Bang: Orange

2. What is your favourite toy?

Crash: Legos
Bang: My front loader

3. What is your favourite fruit?

Crash: Grapes
Bang: Broccoli (it’s not a fruit but it’s healthy!)

4. What is your favourite TV show?

Crash: Gaming Show In My Parents Garage
Bang: Justin Time

5. What is your favourite thing to eat for lunch?

Crash: Peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Bang: Pizza

6. What is your favourite game?

Crash: Lego Star Wars on the Wii
Bang: Infinity for the Wii

7. What is your favourite snack?

Crash: The cupcake goldfish
Bang: Buttered saltines and a mixed berry juice box

8. What is your favourite animal?

Crash: Cat and eagle
Bang: Moose

9. What is your favourite song?

Crash: Victory Chant (the Minecraft song)
Bang: My House

10. What is your favourite book?

Crash: The Harry Potter series
Bang: Pusheen the Cat

11. What is your favourite sport?

Crash: Baseball
Bang: Soccer

12. What is your favourite thing to do outside?

Crash: Either read or play/practice baseball
Bang: Play baseball or practice soccer

13. What is your favourite drink? ?

Crash: Gatorade (although I don’t really need it)
Bang: Milk

14. What is your favourite holiday?

Crash: My birthday, but it’s American Independence Day
Bang: Halloween

15. What do you like to take to bed with you at night?

Crash: My book and Monkey

Bang: Penguin

16. What is your favourite thing to eat for breakfast?

Crash: Chocolate chip pancakes with extra syrup
Bang: Chocolate chip and cinnamon pancakes

17. What do you want for supper on your birthday?

Crash: Shephard’s Pie
Bang: Fish, mashed tatoes with broccoli

18. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Crash: Racecar driver
Bang: A maid and a builder

19. Did you have any dreams last night?

Crash: I did but I can’t remember them
Bang: Nope. I never have dreams. I just lay down like I’m dead.

20. What would be the best birthday present?

Crash: The Nintendo Switch
Bang: The biggest teddy bear in the world.

Questions I Asked My Kids

The boys are just 2 (and piece) school days away from summer vacation. Monday. Tuesday. An hour and half next Friday to pick up report cards. Their systems on shut down now. They just want it to end. The days are long and sunny and warm and, really, who wants to be in school? No more than anyone wants to be at work. 

I had the questions written last night but forgot to ask them at bedtime. So I meant to ask them at breakfast time but things ’round here got a bit hairy trying to get the oldest to realize that no matter how much he fought us he was still going to school. So I asked them at the bus stop. They answered the last question just as the bus pulled up. So there are only 8 this week instead of the normal 10. However, I’m sure you’ll find just as much humor crammed into these 8. 

1. What are some things you want to do this summer?

Crash: go to the fair, play video games all day, and go to the beach
Bang: go to the fair, get new hamsters, go dumpster diving

2. Why does the sky turn pink or orange when the sun sets?

Crash: because some of the sun is blocked by hills and trees
Bang: Because the sun is behind an orange cloud so it makes the sky orange

3. How many peanut M&M’s can dad put in his mouth?

Crash: 30 because you have  big mouth
Bang: 10

4. what time should bedtime be over summer break?

Crash: 12:00
Bang: 1 o’clock in the morning

5. What scares you?

Crash: wasps
Bang: a rattlesnake 
*Nova Scotia does not have any poisonous snakes

6. What makes you laugh?  

Crash: Cat videos
Bang: When you’re head’s on your butt

7. If you could trade feet with an animal, what animal’s feet would you have?

Crash: Elephant’s, no doubt
Bang: Horse because I want hooves

8. Would you rather have mom’s hair or dad’s?

Crash: Dad’s. but it makes no sense because you don’t have hair
Bang: Dad’s

Go Ask Your Father: Soundproof Rooms, Thor’s Hammer, Hiccups, and Brain Messages

*SPOILER ALERT

We’re reading Hatchet. Brian has survived a plane crash and has been stranded in a Canadian forest for 4 days. The night before, he discovered a turtle that had laid some eggs and buried them on the shore Brian both crashed into and is now camped next to.

You should have seen the expression on Crash’s face when he found out they were food and Brian would be eat them raw.

“There’s turtles in them!”
“Are there chickens in the eggs we eat?”
“No.”
“Well, there are no turtles,  in the turtle eggs.”
“How do they get inside the egg then?”
“Okay, there are turtles in there, but they haven’t grown into turtles, yet. There’s just the yolk.”

Crash would never be able to survive in the wilderness.

1. How do they make soundproof rooms?

If we had one they would be in and life would sound sweet. Or I would be in it and life would sound sweet. The quietest room hold the Guinness Record, Orfield Labs in Minneapolis at -9 decibels. The walls, floor, and ceiling absorb all sound. It is anechoic. There is no echo. Derek Muller visited and recorded an episode about this room on his YouTube channel, Veritasium. The cheap way to build a sound proof room is to hang thick blankets on the walls. The thicker the better. If you want serious sound proofing you’ll need sound absorbing material like “Sound Sponge”. Duct tape works wonders, too. It really works to muffle the sounds coming from your kids sound hole.

2. How heavy is Thor’s hammer?

My original answer was “Too heavy for anyone but Thor to lift.” I was basing my answer on Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s explanation. He assumed it was forged of the core of a neutron star – among the densest matter in the universe. A teaspoon of a neutron star would weigh about a billion tonnes. Therefore, a hammer forged of such material would weigh “as much as a herd of 300 billion elephants.” However, the Hammer was forged in a neutron star out of a fictional metal called Uru which is native to Thor’s world of Asgard. So it weighs just 42.3 pounds.

3. What makes hiccups go away?

It’s just a simple problem caused by spasms in your diaphragm. What makes them stop?

• Swallow something sweet
• Swallow something sour
• Eat peanut butter, honey, chocolate
• Sip hot sauce
• Breathe in to a paper bag
• Place a paper towel atop a glass of water and drink through the towel
• Stick your fingers in your ears and drink through a straw
• Press the palm of your hand with the thumb of your other hand
• Hold your breath or cover your mouth and nose with cupped hands and breathe slowly
• Stand on your head
• Gargle with ice water
• Get someone to scare you
• Pull out your tongue

How do you get rid of hiccups?

4. How does my brain send messages to my body?

Bang is still fascinated by brains. How they work. What they look like. What they do. Like Navajo code, neurons are brain cells that only communicate with each other. And no, you can’t kill brain cells. Though, I swear some people aren’t functioning with a full set.  The neurons are the cells while the synapses are the connections. The axons are the lines in which the messages move. Our spinal cord is responsible for holding that line. All muscle movement messages come through your spinal cord. So while I’m sitting here typing this my brain is sending messages to my fingers (though my fingers can’t keep up sometimes) telling them where to move so that I press the correct letter. I guess it could be compared the connections between the keyboard and the monitor and the internet. If you’re curious to know more, watch this excellent Crash Course video to learn more.

Bonus question: Where else can you find me?

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Go Ask Your Father: Fitbit HR, AC/DC, Baths, and Aluminum Cans

In case you missed it this morning, I published yesterday’s Questions I Asked My Kids. Wonder what kind of animal hair Crash and Bang had?

To hell with the intro. Lets answer questions.

1. How does a Fitbit know your heart rate?

A tiny nurse fairy is packed comfortably in each one. I imagine she’s busty and her scrubs are a size or two too small. This is what I thought of while I on my last run. Except the fairy nurse was DW and it was Halloween. I’m sure she’s turning 50 shades of red now, but it sure helped me run faster. Alas, there are no sexy nurse fairies in your Fitbit. Just a flashy green light that uses a technology called photoplethysmography. It’s the same technology hospitals use in those finger and ear clips that also measure heart rates. My Fitbit tells me my heart rate is around 155 beats per minute when I’m running. I’m not sure if that’s from running or from imagining DW as my nurse.

2. What’s AC/DC?

They are what my boys call, The Masters of Rock and Roll. It’s also my attempt to get them listening to the music I listened to when I listened to the music my parents listened to. AC/DC. Queen. Led Zeppelin. You know… that good ole rock and roll. AC/DC formed in 1973 in Sydney, Australia and are still playing. Their guitars are electric. Their guitars work on AC electricity. Alternating current is the kind of electricity that powers our homes and large rock concert arenas. The current flows both directions through the wire because of the magnet that is spun through coil of copper wire. With the poles of the magnet alternating as it spins so do to the electrons in the wire. Whereas DC, or direct current, supplies constant voltage and the electricity flows in just one direction. The battery in your favorite toy provide a direct current. The electricity flows out of one node, through the wires in your Buzz or Woody and back into the other end of the battery. And this, in fact, is exactly how the band got their name. Except it was from their sister’s sewing machine, not Buzz and Woody.

3. Why do I need a bath? 

Not me. I know I why I need a bath. I stink like a ass end of a fully loaded garbage truck. You, my sons, need a bath because you were playing in the dirt pile again. I’m not sure if you were playing in it or burying yourself in it. From the looks of it you must have been rubbing it all over yourself like Zsa Zsa Gabor puts on make-up. When you take bath, my favorite little dirt balls, please use soap. It’s kind of magical when it comes to removing the layers of grime you have caked on. Soap molecules have two ends. Lets call them a top and bottom (head and arse sound more fun, though). The top part is hydrophobic, it hates water and tries to get away. The bottom part is hydrophilic, it loves water. Remember that oil and water don’t mix and the oil rises to the surface? Well, the hydrophobic end of the soap molecule clings to that oil and dirt from your skin and become suspended in drops of water. When you rinse off, away go those water hating, dirt carrying molecules. Essentially, you make room for more dirt.

4. How much am I worth if I were an aluminum can?

First, I need to thank Antoniusrex for this question. He posed it in his latest post, Aluminum. I thought it was a fun question so I’m going to answer it here, too. Though slightly differently, and more in depth.

Here’s how I did the math…

I am 150 pounds (soaking wet). Google says there are 68,039 grams in 150 pounds (because there are 453.592 grams per pound). Today’s aluminum can weighs about 15 grams. If you do the division (but you don’t have to because I already did) that means I weigh as much as 4,536 aluminum cans. If you take that to recycling depot you’ll get 5¢, $.05, a nickel, per can. I’ll do the math for you again and 4,536 nickels equals $226.80. That’s barely enough to feed the hungry hungry hippos kids for a couple weeks. Guess it’s good that I’m not really refundable. I’m pretty worthless if I were. My Fitbit says my heart rate is 59 so I know I’m not an aluminum can and I will therefore Keep Calm and Be Human.