Month in Review

First, on a slightly selfish tone, I’d like to say that I’m happy to see the tag I started happily blog hopping. It gives shout outs to new and veteran bloggers alike. However, I’ve noticed that number 100 has mysteriously disappeared. If you’ve been tagged in the “Get To Know Me” please add number 100 which links to the original “Get to Know Me” post. You can just copy and paste this as the last question (which obviously isn’t a question):

100. The original Get to Know Me post


I feel like I’ve shot myself in the foot this month.

But as the saying goes,

It is what it is…

February has been a rough month. I have had the blog on autopilot for the month. In doing so, my views have plummeted like that skydiver without a parachute, my comments have dropped like Galileo’s weights from the tower (9.1 meters/sec), and my stats in general are so low they’ve hit oil.

But these are January’s stats. Let’s look on the bright side…

Once upon a time I was getting over 2,000 views per month. That hasn’t happened since April of last year. January saw 1,325 views. This is exactly 1,325 more views, people who stopped by to read what I wrote, than if I didn’t blog at all.

There were 595 visitors. I’m kinda proud of this number because it means readers are not just coming over, but they’re staying. Kinda like the friend who stops by to deliver a box of Timbits but ends up staying and chatting for a couple hours.

I published 24 posts in January. Not too shabby. I haven’t been posting on Saturdays because that used to be my day for writing 100 word stories and I haven’t done that since my series ended.

I got 481 likes in January. I like that.

The 342 comments I received though, are my pride and joy of the blog. I know I’ve written well, written content you can relate to, when you are kind enough to leave me your own thoughts on the subject. Building community is what drives the blog. Thanks to all who have chimed in. Also, I’m far more apt to visit and share the blogs of those who comment.

January’s most popular post was Mystery Blogger Award when I was nominated by A Momma’s View. It received 47 views.

41 countries visited my little corner. The US, Canada, and Australia were three to visit most often. The UK and Netherlands were close behind.

The search terms that brought people to my blog were great. “Dad son farting stories” brought 4 people. There more farts and poop around here than a dairy farm! Also searched was “fix cassette with a pencil” (that’s old school). “Stomping feet gif”, “beach forest mountain”, and “earth compared in size to the galaxy”. I’m so happy a science search landed someone on my blog! I hope someone feels smarter.

I am currently sitting at lucky 7’s. 777 followers! My latest three followers are Sheryl, TrevnJess, and Mykynla. Thanks for following! Will you be next? It’ll be worth it. I promise.

I’m going to pass on the most comments for the time being. As February ends next week, I’ll rewrite the Month in Review for this month and I’ll include y’all in there. But I will let GrubbsnCritters know that she’s currently winning and A Momma’s View is close behind. Perhaps someone can knock these two out of the top spots? I will be giving shout outs to the top six come March first!

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Sunday Share Week 7

I could schedule this for the morning. It’s only 6 hours from now. Additionally, it’s called “Sunday Share“. Why share it on a Saturday? For those of you spending your Saturday night browsing Facebook and perusing the blogosphere, I’ll leave these here for you now. Perhaps I’ll have a little something extra for you Sunday evening.

Happy Reading!

Dream Big, Dream Often
Let him know what you want him to share and he’ll share it!

Dramatic Momologue
Anyone with more than one kid knows…

Old House in the Shires
That glass of wine waiting downstairs…

Ethan and Evelyn
Being firm with threenagers…

Kippers and Curtains
#KidsExploringTheWorld

Just in case you missed my two posts this week, you can read Time and the latest instalment of Go Ask Your Father. It was a pretty poopy post.

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Go Ask Your Father: Hemroids, Sphincters, Constipation, and Seat Belts

It’s been steady going around here. In the last two weeks there should have been 10 days of school. There were only 3. Six of the seven missed days were because of snow. The seventh (today) was because there was a province wide teacher walk out strike. Thousands (I heard 20+ thousand) gathered outside of the Province House (where provincal legislation takes place). According to news reports the demonstrators (teachers and those who support them) were so loud that those inside the building couldn’t hear each other at times. 

#TeacherStrong to make the classrooms better for the students.

Plus all the snow, which was good snowman snow…

Notice the pine needle hair?

What are hemorrhoids?

Simply put, they’re a pain in the arse. According to Google they are a swollen vein or group of veins in the region of the anus. They’re similar to varicose veins. They are often caused by an increase in pressure during pregnancy (or labor) or from a strenuous bowel movement. Sometimes that can feel like labor, too. If they’re inside your rectum (I love that word because it sounds like wrecked ’em) they’re called internal hemorrhoids. If they develop under the skin around your stink eye/one eye’d pirate/starfish they are external hemorrhoids. Most times they are just uncomfortable and cause itching, discomfort and bleeding. Other times a clot forms which will need to be lanced and drained. I apologize if you are eating while reading this. I suggest you put your fork down until this post is over…

What makes our poop come out?

Simply put, muscles, but not the kind you can flex and admire in the full length gym mirror. In more specific terms it’s your digestive system. A series of tubes that connect your mouth to your anus move food along until there is nothing left but waste. The movement within the tubes (esophogus, stomach, and intestine) is called peristalsis. It looks like a wave moving through the muscle. The waves narrow the tube propelling it’s contents closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Your colon collects the shit waste that wasn’t absorbed by the intestine. After a day or so a good bowel movement expells it for a hole in one. 

Why won’t my poop come out?

Constipation. Kinda like writers block. When your poop become hard and dry you’ll have a rough go trying to pass it. It may feel like it’s the size of a bus. In the words of Bang, “No wonder it hurt. It was HUGE!” It could have been from eating too much fatty, sugary, or starchy food. A little more fiber (fruits and veggies and whole grains) should soften it right up. Perhaps it was from not enough exercise. The extra movements help move food through your system. I doubt it was from that, though. The culprit may be a lack of fluid. But with the rate at which I’m buying milk, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t it either. Stress can cause backups, too. With recent events, that’s definitely a posibility.  Could it be IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome)? He has complained of belly pains before. IBS can cause diarrhea sometimes and constipation at other times. It also causes pains and farts. “Do I rot?” is a common question…

How do seat belts work?

One of these questions ins’t like the others. You can continue eating now. The shit’s over. 

The first thing is the buckle. Click it or ticket as we tell the kids. Buckle up for safety. When you put the buckle into the clasp, the hole in the buckle catches on a tab. Pressing the release button releases the tab and out pops the buckle. Inside the belt system is a retractor mechanism. This spool winds and unwinds any loose webbing (the seat belt). Inside the retrator is a spring that applies rotational force, or torque, to the belt. This is why when you pull gently to buckle up the belt unrolls smoothy. The locking mechanism inside the spool locks the belt and keeps it from extending when a sudden motion is applied. The webbing of the belt is specifically engineered to help you survive an accident. It can stretch which slows your forward momenum gradually instead of instantly like the dashboard or windshield would. It’s estimated that seat belts save 13,000 lives in the US each year. That’s why I never put it in drive before I hear all the clicks. 

Time

The past is just a memory. The future is unforseeable. All we have is right here, right now. 

This very moment. 

I’m hearing stories of my father-in-law. 

Of how he grew up with a twin sister and they were the second youngest of 17 kids. 

Of how his first job working at gas station, he made $25 a week and would give most of it away to kids for new shoes, or to go to the circus, or for fries and drink, or to go to the movies. 

Of how much he loved kids, particularly his grandkids. He would walk for hours to get a granddaughter to sleep when her father just couldn’t do it. He always had a joke or would act a clown to make them laugh. He would pass them his spare change. He always had a treat for them.

Of how he knew so many people and touched so many lives in big ways and small. Whether through an act of kindness, the giving of a nickname, or just talking their ears off, he was an influence far and wide. 

Of his use of the English language. There were no swear words in his vocabulary, though he swore enough to make a sailor blush. To him they were just verbs, adverbs, and adjectives. 

Of his days working as a welder.  I’m told that whatever job he was on he was always one of the best. Though that doesn’t surprise me because he always took pride in his work. 

Of how he loved company. He truly believed the more the merrier. He’d invite friends and tell them to bring their friends. It wasn’t uncommon for friends to arrive with their friend’s friends. Then he would start up the BBQ and feed you. 

Of how some animals liked his home better than their owners’ home so they’d come live with him instead. He adopted stray cats. He adopted a bearded dragon that couldn’t travel with his granddaughter. 

Of how he would bail kids out of trouble. He would give them a place to sleep when they were tired. He would feed them when they were hungry. 

Of how much he gave. His money. His time. His tools. His Jeep. A listening ear or an earful. His home. 

He gave me his greatest treasure… His daughter and his family. For that I’m forever grateful. 

His memorial service was Saturday. There was food and a few swear words, the place was packed, memories shared and laughter rang through the tears. 

Go Ask Your Father: Fat Lips, Vision, AEDs, and Undertows

Happy Thursday night or whatever time of the week it happens to be for you when you’re reading this. I’m settling in getting ready for yet another snow storm. School was cancelled Monday because of snow. It was cancelled Wednesday because of ice. It’s likely the kids will be home to drive me nuts again tomorrow because of more snow and ice. I’m putting them work if they’re home tomorrow!

Why do we get fat lips?

chapped-lips2You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their lips. You can tell if they’re wearing lipstick, for instance. You tell how big their labial tubercle (that bump in the middle of the upper lip) is. And women, did you know the bigger your labial tubercle the easier it is for you to achieve orgasm? You can also tell if they’ve been in a fight. When the soft tissue of the lips is damaged it becomes inflamed and swollen. This creates what we all know as a fat lip. Bet you never look at lips the same way again.

Beside getting a taste of a knuckle sandwich, fat lips can also be caused by dehydration, an allergic reaction, from a food allergy, or sunburn.

How do eye glasses work?

DW and I are nearsighted (myopia). She wears her glasses all the time. I have a tendency to lose mine. One pair is at the bottom of a river. Being farsighted simply means that our eyes do not have adequate focusing power. In other words, the focus point falls behind the retina instead of on it. Farsightedness (hyperopia) is exactly opposite – it forms a focus point in front of the retina. So eye glasses and contact lenses redirect the light so that it focuses the image on your retina so you see a clear picture.

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The top image shows how light focuses on the retina.

What’s an AED?

While ice skating yesterday, Bang noticed an odd looking box attached the wall outside of the ice rink. Naturally curious he wanted to know what it was. It was an AED or Automated External Defibrillator. Automated because all a user needs to do is follow audio commands connect adhesive electrodes to the patient and from there the computer takes over to check for a pulse and heart rhythm. It will only deliver a shock if it detects a heart that is in ventricular fibrillation (Vfib), when the heart beats with rapid, erratic electrical impulses. This causes pumping chambers in your heart (the ventricles) to quiver uselessly, instead of pumping blood. The shock momentarily stuns the heart and gives it the chance to resume beating effectively. Essentially, it turns it off and turns it back on it again to restart it.

What’s an undertow?

Not to be confused with rip currents, an undertow occurs in all bodies of water where waves crash on shore. It’s strongest in surf zones where the waves are larger. After the wave rolls onto shore gravity pulls back toward the ocean and the water rushes back out collecting in the next wave. This outward rush of water and the inward rush of a wave creates an undertow. They are only dangerous to those who can’t stand against the backwash (outward rush of water) like children as the undertow only goes out to next incoming wave.

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Questions I Asked My Kids

These kinds of posts usually happen on Thursday. They’re my rules so I can break ’em if I want to. I feel like I’ve been watching education systems fall apart. DeVos, who has no experience in public schools and various other major skills, has become Trumps Education Secretary. Here in Nova Scotia, teachers are in their 3rd month of a work to rule strike because classroom conditions no longer meet students’ needs. But those are posts for another time on another day. Today we need a smile and a laugh. Who better to look to for that laugh than a certain 5 and 9 year old. Crash and Bang can deliver a laugh faster than a Superbowl commercial. 

1. How fast can you run?

Crash: I’d say… fast. 15 miles an hour
Bang: A million miles ahead of a car

2. Where does snow come from?

Crash: Comes from rain. Rain gets cold then it falls as snow.
Bang: Clouds

3. Why do birds fly?

Crash: So they can get around easier 
Bang: To get to their home because walking would be too slow

4. What’s something Guppie (their grandfather) always said?

Crash: I’ve got a surprise for you (Kindereggs)
Bang: I’m going to make stew

5. What is something that will remind you of Guppie?

Crash: His cottage, throwing rocks, teaching us how to curse
Bang: About talking to Nanny Sharon, throwing rocks, snuggling under the warm (electric) blanket, and lots of money – he gave me lots of money.

6. Can you tell me a story or a dream you had?

Crash: I had a dream. From that TV show Ghost Adventures except it was me and my friends and not the guys on the show. Rocks were being thrown horizontally at us from nowheres. I sat next this guy and felt this draft of really freezing cold air around us.(Guess we won’t be watching that show again)
Bang: I was playing on the new Nintendo Switch and I was playing Yoshi’s Wooly World and I got hit by a big ginormous metal spider robot.

7. Why does Dad love Mom?

Crash
: Because she’s beautiful and funny and has a great sense of humor
Bang: Because she’s his wifey

8. Why does Mom love Dad?

Crash: Because he has strong muscles
Bang: Because he gives hugs and kisses

9. How many TimBits can you eat?

Crash: one jillion ten thousand nine hundred ninety nine
Bang: 3,001

10. How do you know Mom and Dad love you?

Crash: Because they let us stay up late, they feed us supper, put a roof over our heads and give us clothes
Bang: Because we snuggle.

Who We’d Give a Million Dollars to, in 6 Words

I’m a little late with the reblog, but it’s still just as good. My “strange blogging friend” asked what we’d do with a million dollars if we couldn’t keep it for ourselves but we can only use 6 words. Think about what you would do with it, then head over and see what’s Eli’s “strange blogging friends” would do.

t-words-million-lede photo credit: DocChewbacca Greed via photopin(license)

One million dollars.

6 words graphicNotice: This post won’t reference Dr. Evil’s famous demand for one million dollars in the Austin Powers movie. I’ve never seen the damn thing. Seems kind of dumb. It’s one of those pop culture things a curmudgeon like me just didn’t get into.

Kind of like the Harlem Shake, The Walking Dead, and anything to do with Kobe Bryant.

The fine citizens listed below in this post, however, know just what to do with a million dollars. In six words. I asked strangers, friends, and strange blogger friends, “If you had $1,000,000 but you had to give it to other people, who would you give it to?”

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Get to Know Me Tag

No rules. Just answer the questions and tag a few people.

stomperdad

0. Share your profile picture if you have one.

1. Who are you named after? Lief Erikson, (HAHA Just kidding. I wasn’t named after anyone)

2. Do you like your handwriting? Most of the time.

3. What is your favorite lunch meat? Buffalo chicken

4. Longest relationship? Current one..will be together 14 yrs in July

5. Do you still have your tonsils? Yes

6. Would you bungee jump? Of course! I’m just waiting for the boys to be old enough to go with me.

7. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? My running shoes, yes. All my other shoes, no.

8. Favorite ice cream? Mint chocolate chip or Death by Chocolate

9. What is the first thing you notice about people? First their eyes. Then boobs or butt. Or for a guy, his hair.

10. Football or baseball? Baseball. GO O’S!

11. What color pants are you wearing? Greenish grey.

12. Last thing you ate? Iced donut with sprinkles….yum!

13. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Sunset orange.

14. Favorite smell? DW’s satsuma perfume or sheets dryed on the clotheline

15. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? DW

16. Hair color?  HAHAHA. Seriously?

17. Eye color?  blue-ish.

18. Favorite foods to eat? Chocolate and lasagna

19. Scary movies or happy endings? Both, but mostly happy endings

20. Last movie you watched? Finding Dory

21. Favorite Holiday? Christmas

22. Beer or Wine? Definitely wine…

23. Night owl or early bird? Both. I love the quiet after the kids go to bed, but I have to be up early to get everyone ready for school. So more night hawk than early bird.

24. Favorite day of the week? Saturday!

24 1/2. Which three of your favorite bloggers you would like to know more about? (link to their about page if they have one)

Green Grapes, Coach Daddy, Momma’s View, Grubbs-n-Critters (I cheated and named 4)

25. Who were the  latest three people to follow your blog (link to their about page)?
Letters from LockeThe Educational Rambler, and Homedecorh

100. Copy this link

Sunday Share Week 6

Wow. What a response! Thanks to all those who replied to the Sunday Share post I posted on Thursday. Normally on Sundays I share posts from bloggers I follow or blogs I have read and thought you should, too. This time I asked you to share with me so I could share it with others. I usually share five. Today you get 14! It’s kind of like a meet and greet, except you don’t have to do anything but mingle. Go check out some of these posts and I guarantee you’ll find some new follows. We all win!

Happy Reading!

Moms Ranting
How to take a hiatus from social media

Invisible Illness
On lucid dreams…

Curious Hart
On the structure of text…

Humor Columnist Blog
A blond and a catfish…

A Momma’s View
Stop eroding yourself…

Grubbs n Critters
Join this recipe showdown!

The Only Sup
What would happen if…

Thunder When It Rains
Masquerade

Nocturnal Mom Talks
The best of friendships…

Four Acorns
Kids who experience nature…

Super Mommy of Twins
Being beautiful…

Confessions of a Reborn Girl
The power of positive thinking…

Not the Average Mama
The power of essential oil…

Ethan n Evelyn
Blogging hosts picking their favorite posts…

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