The Daily Elf: December 15th

If you recall two days ago, Elfis captured Woody under a glass and held him trapped all day. Woody said he’d have his revenge. He is true to his little elf word.

We woke this morning to see a trap set and Woody waiting patiently under the tree for his prey. He used a candy cande and white chocolate peppermint M&M’s for bait. Elves are suckers for peppermint.

Elfis hung out on the elf that Bang drew and colored and taped to the wall. His holder is meant for cookies Christmas Eve for when the Jolly Elf stops by. From here Elfis could clearly see his intended target. However, this morning, it worked as a perfect perch for Elfis.

*You can just make out Little Snowball at floor level. He’s to hold Santa’s milk.

Elfis’s will power began to break down through the day. When we returned home from school, Woody hadn’t caught him yet. However, Elfis was only feet away from the sweet treats. He was eyeing them long and hard while Woody continued to lay and wait.

After spending all day staring at the delicious treats, Elfis apparently decided that being caught was worth the sacrifice for a candy cane and peppermint M&M’s. I agree, too. I would have been caught LONG before now. Bang was in the kitchen when he heard the bowl come crashing down and he came running. Naturally, DW and I didn’t see them move as we were each playing a game on our phone (DW was crushing candy and I was finding words in my soup).

With just 10 sleeps left, I hope they start playing nicer. I doubt Santa will be impressed that they are setting traps for one another. Or perhaps, being a right jolly old elf himself, he finds it quite amusing.

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Questions I Asked My Kids: Ep 56

These questions were lifted from episode 7 of last December. That was the year of selfie toaster. This is the year of the sweetheart sweatshirt.

1. What is your favorite thing to do during winter?

Crash: Have a snowball fight and make our big igloo
Bang: Build snowmen

2. What do you want to get your brother for Christmas?

Crash: A Lego mini figure, tape and a huge coloring books with the giant pages
Bang: Bey Blades

3. What has been your favorite thing that Woody and Elfis has done so far?

Crash: I liked when Elfis trapped Woody under a glass and wrote HAHA on it
Bang: Give us calendars with chocolate in the them

4. What 2 things do you want for Christmas?

Crash: Super Mario Oddessy and a Google Play gift card
Bang: Bey Blade Burst and a Hatchimal

5. What do you think Mom wants for Christmas?

Crash: Jewlery maybe? Peace and quiet, too
Bang: Jewlery and lipstick

6. What do you think Dad wants for Christmas?

Crash: Probably books and headphones for editing videos
Bang: Toy to play with me like a board game or something

7. How old is Santa Claus?

Crash: 73, but he’s probably way older than that…
Bang: 150

8. Why do we celebrate Christmas?

Crash: Because it’s Jesus’s birthday and that’s when our saviour was born
Bang: It’s Jesus’s birthday

9. If we made a snowman and he came to life, what would you want to do with him?

Crash: Have a snowball fight because having a snowball fight with a snowman isn’t something you see every day
Bang: Ride him like a sled

10. If Baby Jesus came to our house, what would you want to tell him?

Crash: If it was Christmas I would tell him Happy Birthday and thank you
Bang: I love you

Now hop your jolly old self over to Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and follow me there, too…


The Daily Elf: December 13th

Up to no good again…

This time it was just Elfis being bad. I’m still not sure how he tricked Woody into getting in the glass. Woody is one gullible elf. Or as we like to say in our house… He’s S-M-R-T smart. (bonus points if anyone knows the reference)

They also delivered a nice and naughty list that only they have control over. We don’t even know where the markers are that they use on it. I appreciate Elfis’s honesty as he put himself on the naughty list for his devious trick. I hope he makes it back on the nice list tomorrow. I hope Woody doesn’t try to retalliate.

He probably will…

The 6 Christmas Gifts We All Crave and My Wife Is Getting

dad's work

The Twelve Days of Christmas are upon us… or, at least, there just 12 sleeps left until the big morning. I won’t be getting DW a partridge in a pear tree. Nor will she get 12 lords-a-leaping. She has me and I do enough leaping for one family. Nor will she get fiiiiiiiiive gooooolden riiiiings (you just sang it, didn’t you?) I’m not made of that kind of money or bitcoin. We could use 10 maids-a-milking, though. We go through a lot of milk and at $6.50 a gallon (3.785 liters) it gets expensive. I searched Amazon, but the best I could find to a milking maid was this thing for $165.99. There’s no cow or milking happening here. If I got this 17″ monstrosity for her, I know exactly where she’d shove it… Right up my pasture.


This year I’m going with practical gifts. Gifts that can be used over and over. The gifts that keep on giving.

1. Like this beautiful screen viewer for when you need it a bit darker to see that screen. When kids see this on Mom they’ll know not to bother her, she’s busy crushing her candy. I bet it’s good for making it dark enough to take a nap, too. Thirdly, you can’t see all the weird looks this thing will attract. It’s going to be all the rage next year! I don’t recommend wearing while driving.


2. Who doesn’t like music? Who doesn’t like warm feet? This gift has them both covered. I figure four pair walking around the house with four different songs playing would be spectacular! We’ll get our 10,000 steps a day easy! I really dig the bonus head strap so you wear them like headphones. That’ll smell pleasant in the summertime.


3. This next doozy has all kinds of useful uses. It can do anything from kill small game should you become lost in the hunger games to feeding your children and even correcting their heathen-like behaviour. I’m guessing it works on husbands just as well, so I’ll be sure to stay out of range…


4. *No explanation needed…

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5. Have you ever cut up fruit and veggies and thought… hmmm, I wonder how fresh this is? All the stuff that gets lost in the fridge and has been in there since God was a baby. This really cool, super high tech knife will tell you just how fresh or how rotten your food is. It’ll be up to you whether you eat it or not.


6. Last but not least is my favorite gift on this list, I love snuggling in the winter time by a lit Christmas tree with a glass #4 in one hand and DW’s hand in my other. I can’t wait to see her expression when she opens this one! It’s like a mommy/daddy time out shirt. Wherever we go, we go together. Whatever we do, we do together. And a fart could kill us both.


Are there any exotic and fun gifts you plan to get your significant other? Let me know below. Also, don’t forget to come find and follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook!


The Daily Elf: December 12th

Again they were up to no good. This time they were into the toilet paper. Have you seen those bead curtains? The ones you have to part to walk through like you’re Moses up against the Red Sea? Imagine that, except with toilet paper. Classy, eh? They did this to both boys’ doors.

For their mischief they also brought this year’s newest tree ornament, Mario and Luigi, then hung out in the decorative stockings on the bedroom doors for the rest of the day.

Once they were done with the doors the remainder of the butt paper was trailed down the stairs. Poor Bang was in a stupor waking up this morning and it took him minute to figure out what was going on. He walked through the TP without even realizing it was there. Crash tore his down the moment he opened his door.

Do It the Way You Do It

I thought of writing about the true meaning of Christmas, but you already know that it is far better to give than it is to receive.

I thought of writing about how to make your kids understand that meaning, but I’m struggling to get my own kids to comprehend it.

I thought of writing about the traditions we have, but our traditions are changing. Plus, I’m as sure as the snow on the ground that you have your own traditions. For my south-of-the-equator friends, I’m as sure as the sand on the beach that your traditions are different than ours.

I thought of writing about how much I despise the commercialism of Christmas. Advertising starts at Halloween. We don’t need more and more and more and more…. But I’m sure you are tired of it all, too.

I thought of writing about Christmases past, but we all have our pasts. Good. Bad. Or otherwise. So really, I thought of writing about staying in the present (pun intended), but we’re all mindful of how present we need to be. With all that still needs to be done, it is difficult to do.

I though of writing about how tired we are with so much more do. Piled high atop of everything Christmas, there are still lunches to pack. There is laundry to wash, fold, and hopefully put away. We still need to eat breakfast and go to work. We still need to cook supper and clean up both meals and bathe the brats and read with them and get them into bed and start all over in the morning.

There are Christmas parties and Christmas concerts to attend.

I’m not writing about any of it because it’s all been written about before. It’s been written much more eloquently than I ever could, even with a thesaurus. Instead, I just want to gently remind you (and myself) to close your eyes, take a deep breath, then go do Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever it is you celebrate (or don’t celebrate) this time of the year. Whether you binge watch all the new Christmas movies or the classics, real tree or fake or no tree at all, with lots of family or just a little, at 5 in morning or 5 in the evening, with kids or a spouse or a partner or parents or all by yourself…

Do it the way you do it. It’ll be here and gone faster than we think. If we spend too much time dwelling on the way we want the world to be we will lose sight of those things I was going write about in the first place.

Anyway you do it, hop on over Twitter and Instagram and follow me. I don’t know where we’re going, but we’re having fun getting there!

Lucy At Home

The Daily Elf: December 11th

We knew it was just a matter of time before they started making a royal mess. This trick is the elves favorite. The old flour-looks-like-snow gag. It never gets old.

“Uh dad! Come see the mess they made!”

The boys know we hate it when they make messes. It’s entirely different when the elves are the guilty culprits. Marshmallow snowmen. Snow elf angels. Bang wrote them a note…

“Were did you get the toothpick from and the marshmellose.”

They wrote back (after the boys went to bed) “From the cupboard”

I can only imagine what new stunts they will try to pull this year!

The Daily Elf: December 10th

Just another day of hanging out in the basement. Elfis sat on a lamp I got from my grandmother. Woody sat upon the 4 foot sword my parents gave to me. They’ve been very well behaved so far. However, we are now just two weeks from Christmas Eve so I sense some mischief coming. I wonder how big of a mess they’ll make?

Then Bang thought they looked really hungry so he brought them each a bowl full of goldfish. It’s the snack that smiles back, just like the elves. Turns out they were indeed hungry as they ate nearly the whole bowl…

The Daily Elf: December 9th

A conversation happened at bedtime, as they normally do. It was our normal nightly ritual of saying good night. Then I tossed in one more line…

Me: Night night, love you.
Bang: Night night, love you.
Me: Ugga mugga, see ya in the morning
Bang: Ugga mugga, see ya in the morning
Me: Like your face
Bang: Like your face
Me: You’re the best person ever
Bang: You’re the best person ever *normally this would be the last line except I added…
Me: Like your butt.
Bang: *giggles* like your butt even though it’s not chubby. And it’s hairy.

Anyway, our elves found the candy cane with fudge crackle ice cream. I knew it was just a matter of time. That stuff is good. Fortunately, they left some for the boys.