Sunday Share, the First Week of 2017

We’re a week into the newest year so I’ll stop wishing everyone a happy new year. It’s getting old. I hope the first week of the new year has been kind to everyone. We just lots of snow, in case you hadn’t heard yet. 4 inches on Friday. 8 more inches last night. Now I’ve got my “lodge socks” on and and chillin’ out with dee-dubya (pronounced “DW”) and a few good reads.

What am I reading? Light Between Oceans and these blogs…

Sane Teachers
Teacher watching…

Truthful Parenthood
A few parenting laughs…

The Opinionated Dad
When the kid is quiet…

Harsh Reality
On Blogging….

Mom’s Ranting
More gems than one kid needs…

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When we get good “snowman snow” I’m building a few inspired by Calvin.

 

Go Ask Your Father: 

What better time is there to get pummled with questions than at bedtime. There’s something about the darkness that provokes inquisitiveness. Their little bodies rest while their brains are still in overdrive.

What’s the flu?

Influenza is a respiratory illness caused the flu virus. No antibiotic will cure you. Antibiotics work on bacterial infections, not viral. It has a rap sheet of symptoms. Fever, cough, sore throat, runny/stuffy nose, muscle/body aches, headaches, fatigue, and perhaps vomiting and/or diarrhea. It totals up to a whole boat load of a bad week. It’s highly contagious. You can pass it on before you start showing symptoms, while you’re sick, and for 5-7 days after. Wash your hands often. Cover coughs and sneezes. Get lots of rest. CDC recommends getting a flu vaccine once a year. Oh. And stay away from me. Unless you’re DW or one of my sons. As much as I hate my boys being sick, I do enjoy how snuggly they become.

Why do some people have dark faces?

Ah, here we go. Ethnicities. Races. I wish we could put aside that word “race” in terms of where you are from. We’re all part of the human race. We need a one world race, unity, and cooperation. Anyway, the short answer is different people of different parts of the world have different skin colors. It’s just the way they’re made. He was okay with that answer. However, if skin color is only skin deep, what does it look like? It’s a pigment called melanin which is controlled by at least six genes. Melanin is also due to the presence of melanin. No matter how light or dark you are, you have melanin. There are two kinds-pheomelanin which is red to yellow and eumelanin which is brown to black. It is indeed skin deep as it’s located in the epidermis (the outer layer of skin). They have the ability to detect and react to ultraviolet radiation from the sun. Too much and you’ll end up with a sunburn. Over a bit of time in the sun the melanin will give you a darker face. We call this a tan. 

Why do big kids say bad words?

Bad words could range from “stupid” to “frigger” or “frickin'”. Or it could be worse. Big kids say bad words because it makes them feel older. It makes them feel like an adult. It makes them feel important. Our boys know they are not to say them anytime, anywhere. That goes for the really bad ones. The true swear words. Other words, the ones I call “at home” words, they understand it’s okay to say them at home but nowhere else. Frigger and frickin’ are two examples. When you slam the closet door on your finger or drop the staple gun on your toe you need a word to relieve the pain. Those two are acceptable. 

What’s an anus?

Awe frig. Really? 

Backstory: We were watching AFV America’s Funniest Videos. At a science museum a dad pointed out Uranus to his young son. His young son then questions, “My anus?” This is why I pronounce it Yer-uh-nus instead of yer-ANUS. Bang heard the word and immediately asked the same.

It’s your bum. More specifically, your bum hole where the poop comes out. That’s all I said. That’s all he needed to hear. Thank God.

Slang words for your sphincter: starfish, turd cutter, shitslit, poop chute, stinkeye, poop hoop, pirate eye

Questions I Asked My Kids (ep. 28)

It’s been a couple weeks since we didn’t do this last week. We’ve been busy kayaking with whales and whale watching and basketball practice and religion class. I hope fall is finally finding you this November. It has certainly arrived here. Especially the temperature! Brrr. So without further ado, here is your laugh for the weekend.

Here come 10 more questions that are sure to tickle your funny bones.

1. How fast does Dad drive?
Crash: Depends on where you are and what the speed limit sign says. 
Bang: 113 miles

2. How fast does Mom drive?
Crash: The same speed you do
Bang: 300 limits

3. Who is a better driver and why?
Crash: Dad, I have no clue why
Bang: Dad, because he drives 113 and mom drives 300

4. Why is it cold outside?
Crash: Uh… so we can play in the snow in winter
Bang: Because the trees are sneezing

5. What is something you did that was “bad”?
Crash: Tons of stuff… I messed up the basement, I made my brother cry… 
Bang: Made a mess

6. What is something you did that was “good”?
Crash: I played with my brother
Bang: I cleaned

7. What song do you like to dance to?
Crash: Timmy Trumpet- “Freaks”

Bang: Timmy Trumpet – “Freaks”

8. How long do you sleep at night?
Crash: God knows how long because I go to bed around 9 and get up at 6.
Bang: 30 hours

9. What is your favorite book to read or have read to you?
Crash: Diary of A Minecraft Zombie
Bang: I’m A Frog by Mo Willems

10. How many M&M’s do you think you can eat?
Crash: 10 bazallion 700 thousand 5 hundred 16
Bang: 3,000

You can now watch their answers!

Sunday Share LOL

I really do believe that laughter is the best medicine. Like that time DW and I had gone shoe shopping for her. Her feet were as swollen as her 8 month pregnant belly. She was my little punch buggy. In need of larger shoes, we hit up the mall. Shoe store after shoe store after whatever store might have sneakers (tennis shoes, running shoes, whatever you call ’em shoes) turned up nothing. Now her feet were sore, we were getting tired as we had gone one evening after school. All of this adds up to one cranky, pregnant lady. Finally, we were in Payless or something, DW was sucking on a hard candy and as she bent to try on her millionth pair of shoes she drooled. Laughing at a pregnant, cranky lady can be hazardous to one’s health. Fatal even. I tempted fate and I laughed at my drooling wife. She laughed, too. The laughter caused someone to fart which caused us to both laugh harder. Laughing harder almost caused pregnant wife who had a baby sitting on her bladder to almost pee her pants. This made us laugh even harder.

I don’t remember if she got shoes that night.

So, if you’re like me and are in need of a good laugh… here you go…

Return of the Modern Philosopher
Here’s another chat with Lucifer himself. Hell is a red state indeed.

Ah Dad
Not just another day at the gym.

Sheila Moss
Men, women… what’s the difference?

Anxious Mom
Candy causing another fit of laughter

You the Daddy
Laughing through pregnancy. I wish I would have seen this when DW was pregnant…

Lastly is my latest YouTube video. I pieced together our hike to a waterfall (not Uisge Ban, but just as inpiring) yesterday. It’s certainly not the most exciting thing to do with a GoPro, but it was fun…

Questions I Asked My Kids (ep 25)

Holy cow! Did you see what that said up in the title of this post? Better read it again just to make sure.

Yep.

Episode 25! Twenty five!

That means I’ve asked 250 questions and received 250 answers. Some of them have been duplicates, of course. Who in their right mind can think of 250 questions to ask their kids?

I’m not in my right mind.

Or my left mind.

My mind likes to wander (it’s okay, it’s not lost) (yet). If you happen to see, tell it to be home in time for supper. We’re having slow cooker pork roast. It won’t want to miss that.

Questions

1. If we could have any animal for a pet, what would you like to have in the house?

Crash: Cat
Bang: Donkey… no no, a camel

2. How far away is the moon?

Crash: 53,000 miles
Bang: 139 66 meters

3. How far away is the sun?

Crash: 5 million thousand
Bang: 3 million km

4. What is the internet?

Crash: The internet is what you use to send emails to people and it’s like Google search webs
Bang: A person made out of wires in the radio.

5. What are you thankful for?

Crash: Electronics
Bang: Sleeping

6. If you could pick a superpower to have, what superpower would you want?

Crash: To be faster than Usain Bolt
Bang: Flying

7. What’s the grossest thing you can think of?

Crash: A plant that spits poop at you
Bang: Pooping on the floor

8. If you got an allowance, how much do you think you should get each week?

Crash: $3.00
Bang: 39 5 cents

9. What song will you request in the truck?

Crash: Lost Boy

Bang: Get Away From My House

10. Can you tell me a story?

Crash: Once upon a time a boy played video games all day.
Bang: One day a boy pooped on the floor and his mom got angry. So she threw him in the trash can.

Questions I Asked My Parents

I call them Ma and Pa. Or Mom and Dad.  Over 40 years ago they brought me into this world. Nearly 4 years later they brought in my brother. They did before seatbelts were mandatory. They did it before cell phones. They barely did it before computers (they gained their popularity in my middle school years) (their first computer had 1/2 gig hard drive!). We sure had our share of laughs (too many to list in one spot). Now I’m living through the memories of my childhood as my parents.

They have graciously agreed to take part in today’s blog. They even responded to the questions in time for me publish this today. So in lieu of “Questions I Asked My Kids” I bring you the all new “Questions I asked My Parents”. Even I learned something about them! Thanks Ma and Pa!

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1. What are 3 words your parents would use to describe you?

MaTomboy, talkative, dog lover
Pa: Quiet, patient, smart (I was going to say extremely intelligent but you limited me to 3 words so I will just go with smart)

2. What other names did you like for brad (my brother) and I?

MaYou were Boo (because you liked to play peak-a-boo as a baby). Bradley was Bub because of Aunt Mary Ellen.
PaActually Bradley & Eric were just fine for me, although they were pronounced in various ways depending on the situation, and what you two were up to or into.

3. What was your favorite vacation?

MaTrip to Alaska for our 25th anniversary.  It was a dream trip and never thought it would happen.
Pa: Alaska

4. What’s one memory of Brad and I that makes you laugh?

MaThere are lots of those.  You played so well together.  Homerun Derby in the backyard, you getting your head stuck in the cinder block.  Flashlight Tag and  Mrs. Cooper (our elderly neighbor) thinking we were being robbed because of the dark house and flashlight beams flying around.
Pa: The Drive thru at McDonalds when we ordered sundaes with nuts (balls), I still think about it every time I drive thru
(whole story: back when they asked you if you wanted your sundae with nuts my brother I were in the back seat telling him “yeah, get nuts, wet nuts! Sweaty one!” Dad was laughing so hard he had to leave the drive thru, circle around and try again)

5. What’s something you miss from “the good ol’ days?”

MaAll of yours & your brother’s sporting events. Watching you guys play and the social aspect of watching games with friends. 
Padigging my own worms and walking to the river to go fishing

6. If you get reincarnated as an animal, what do you hope to come back as?

MaAn otter.  They aren’t hunted so much anymore and they don’t fight, but solve their differences with games.  Besides, they are just darn cute!
Pa: Eagle

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7. What’s your karaoke song?

Ma: Really?  Think about that. Dad & I doing Karaoke?  Really?  Think about that. (They don’t do karaokeI sing along to any song I know the words to. Love classic rock, country and Frank Sinatra kind of music.
Pa: Actually I’ve never sang karaoke but if I drank enough I might try Louis Armstrong’s “It’s A Wonderful World” or Johnny Cash “Folsom Prison Blues “

8. What was high school like for you?

MaHigh school was good for me. I marched in the drill team and was the sports editor for the school newspaper. High school was a good distraction from things being tough at home.
Pa: I was 
pretty self-conscious when it came to making friends but I had my own ballpark so that helped, other than that just being oblivious to what an adult working for a living would actually be like

9. What are 3 things (shows, sports, etc…) you like to watch on T.V

MaNCIS, Orioles baseball, Steelers football
Pa: Road Runner cartoons, Orioles Baseball and science shows

10. What was your first car? What color was it? Do you remember how much it cost? 

MaMy first car was a brand new Ford Pinto that was bright orange.  It went on the road with tax, tags & title for a whopping $2800. I, unfortunately, was able to buy it with the insurance money I got when my Dad died right after I graduated from high school.
PaImpala station wagon, blue, free (I think)

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Truth or Dare

Dare… wrap toilet paper around your head.
Dare… kiss the person on your right.
Truth… Have you ever used someone else’s toothbrush?
Truth… Have you ever pooped in the woods?

This was the game Crash and his friend were playing via a tablet this evening. They were having great fun with it. The best part was that were answering the truth questions and they were performing the dares. Crash bit the big toe of someone in the room. He tasted lemon juice. His friend put toilet paper on her head. She revealed her celebrity crush.They certainly kept DW and I in fits of giggles.

Then Crash got a charade dare – act out the movie The Lion King. Unfortunately, he’s never seen it so he couldn’t act it out. However, his friend knew it well. She even sang a piece of it for him asking him if he’d ever heard it. I hope you smile as big as we did when we heard Little Miss Broadway sing…

I dare you… sing The Lion King song.

Today’s Taboo word was “to”.  Read more posts without the Taboo Word (to)?  Join the challenge? Just click the blue frog…

Add the blue frog to your post get the InLinkz code.

Saturday Sillies

You know when you have this awesome idea and you can’t wait to get started on it? You plan carefully. You get everything set up just so. Everything is going exactly as you expected it would.

Then it doesn’t.

I think that’s how Bang felt…

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Hope all y’all are having a good weekend!

Go Ask Your Father: Hotels, Hot Chocolate, Scramming, and Pop

Crash’s team, The Smashers, won their first game last night. This brings their record to 1-4. However, they are undefeated on the road. We had spent two days practicing his swing so he wouldn’t be so nervous come game time. He connected with a few but they all went foul. He ending up striking out his first time up. After that the rest of his at bats ended up being walks. Then came a big play.

Crash was on first and the boy up to bat nailed it to left field. Crash took second base with no problem so Coach waved him to third. He got there standing and Coach took a risk and sent him for home. The short stop threw it to the catcher, Crash slid the best slide he could slide but was tagged out. He came up all smiles. And so did I.

Why is called a hotel? A ho and a tell.

gameboard-monopoly-hotelI couldn’t answer this question until I a) stopped laughing and b) looked it up. Word origin isn’t my strong suit. I’m lucky if I can spell it corectly (intentional typo, get it? It was funnier in my head.). When your five year old is a chatterbox in the backseat and starts talking about hos and what they tell, you know you know you’ve just been handed blog material on a silver platter. This word gets traced back to my early years in elementary school also known as the mid 1700’s. It is derived of the French word hôtel, which is derived from the Old French word (as if 1700 wasn’t old) hostel. It was also used in Middle English (not to be confused with Middle Earth). Middle English occurred during my rebellious toddler years between circa 1150 to circa 1470. To go back even futher,  hostel is derived from medieval Latin hospitale. I don’t know Latin, but I sure know what that word looks like.

Can you cook me some hot chocolate, si vous plait?

Speaking of in French, there it is. Si vous plait – meaning “please” and pronounced see voo play (or at least how I say it). I only speak Americanese. Bang wanted some hot chocolate. So what if it was July. He was kind enough pardon his French. But cook it? Sure, if pushing the button on the Keurig to pour hot water into a cup of hot chocolate powder counts as cooking, I’m Chef Boyardee. Bon appetit!

What’s a scram?

This word is still in its infancy because it only dates back to the early 1900’s. It’s what you do when mom and dad need a few minutes without you kids. I love my kids dearly. Y’all know that. They are to me what the One Ring to Rule Them All is to Smeagol. Perhaps Smeagol looks the way he does because he didn’t get a moments peace from his energy siphoning children. He lived before this word was created so he had no way to tell his kids to scram and give him a few moments peace. Look what happened to him! In his defence, he does have more hair than me.

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Why is pop hot?

Pop. Soda pop. Soda. Cola. Soft drink. Fizz. Whatever name call it, my kids think it’s hot. Those delicious bubbles tingle their tongue and they think it’s because it’s burning. Crash used to tell us he doesn’t like pop because it’s too spicy. At 9 years old he still doesn’t like it and I’m okay with that. Bang, however, loves it regardless of how hot he thinks it might be. Those bubbles are from the carbonation, or carbon dioxide gas. It’s kept in the drink with pressure and once the pressure is released once you open the bottle and up comes tingles. I’m going to kick the habit. I would love to just stop drinking it but that caffeine and sugar combo speaks to me like Obi Wan after he’s crossed over. Obi Wan’s use the force gets roughly translated to drink the Coke. And Old Ben Kenobi is never wrong.

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L is for… #atozchallenge

L

is for Laugh. It is the best medicine after all. And what better way to laugh than at funny answers to questions we ask our kids.

This is a regular Thursday occurrence here at All In A Dad’s Work. It never fails to produce some fun answers. You can read some good ones here, here, here, or here.

Last week I didn’t plan far enough ahead, a lapse in motivation, and ended up skipping “Questions I Asked My Kids” in lieu of just telling you some of the funny things they’ve said over the last couple years. Today, I bring back the post with some fun questions for them to answer that will make you laugh. Or at least breathe out of your nose really hard.

1. Tell me a Joke.

Crash: Q: What grade do you learn the Dark Force?
A: The Sith Grade!
Bang: Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana head!

2. Did you have any dreams last night?

Crash: I was playing with my friend and there were a whole bunch of Sponge Bob’s attacking us. Then my friend turned into a zombie and was on my back. I went to the brook and there was a button hanging from a vine. So I pressed the button and I exploded.
Bang: I had a dream but it’s a secret. You gotta guess what it is. I put flames on my 4 wheeler and they were real flames and they made it speed speed speed faster than an airplane. Then my girlfriend from Wall*E (Eve) had a super slow 4 wheeler and it turned into a little bit speeding and it passed my 4 wheeler. I pressed a blue blue button and it turned into a lamp post.

3. What do you wish you could get paid to do?

Crash: Eating cookies.
Bang: Paid to have a pet sheep.

4. We’re going to make a new animal by combining two. Which two do you want to combine?

Crash: Pig and lizard called a pigzard.
Bang: A cow and sheep.

5. Where in the world do you want to go?

Crash: Legoland
Bang: Toy’s R Us

6. If you got to be dad for a day, what would you do?

Crash: Eat as many cookies as I can
Bang: Make a mess

7. If you were a hamster, what would your name be?

Crash: Luke (Skywalker)
Bang: Googlehead

8. How old were mom and dad when you were born?

Crash: 28 or 30
Bang: fifty two hundred

9. What do you like to do best with mom and dad?

Crash: Jump on the trampoline in the summer
Bang: Play plasma cars with you

10. What is something mom and dad always say to you.

Crash: “Hey Buddy” and “no”.
Bang: “You can eat lots of cookies.” (I DON’T SAY THAT!)

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