I’m currently sitting here listening to a kitchen concert live on Facebook. A friend of ours is a wicked guitar player and singer and likes to put on “concerts” live from his kitchen. He takes requests and just plays for a while. Good times.
Tonight, I thought I’d change up the Go Ask Your Father a bit and make it a lightning round. This is the little questions they ask that requires little thought, no Google, and minimal explanation. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of them every day. You have to be careful answering these questions because it could lead to more questions. Then you might as well open the hornets’ nest.
1. Who pissed themselves?
*Back story: Driving home from school, I was telling DW that the teacher I was subbing for was there in the morning but left before 8:45 because she wasn’t feeling well. She had been sick the day before, too. DW said she “She came back too soon. She pushed herself too hard.” From the backseat we hear, “Who pissed themselves?”
No buddy, we said she PUSHED herself. We laughed and laughed the whole way home.
2. Where’s our radio stick?
It didn’t take us long to figure out that “radio stick” meant antenna. That would be the thing on top of our truck that has a beach ball stuck to it. It’s our way of keeping summer in our heart all through winter.
3. Can I go on my tablet?
Giv’er. Just make sure you set a tablet timer on Alexa (Amazon Echo) so you know when your half hour is up. Oh. You already had an hour? No tablet for you. Go find something else to do. You may throw a temper tantrum. It won’t get you more tablet time, though.
4. Can I earn more tablet time?
Of course. Your toys in the basement need to be put away. That’ll earn you 10 minutes. The stair up and the stairs down need to be vacuumed (up to the upstairs and down to the basement). That’ll get you 5 minutes each. Emptying the dishwasher will get you another 15 minutes. Correctly tell me how many minutes that is and the tablet is all yours.
5. Why do we have to be quiet in church for 2 days?
Because if you embarrass me being loud I will embarrass you ten times worse later. We were quiet yesterday and today entering and exiting because yesterday was Jesus’s last supper and today is the day Jesus died so it’s a somber time. Somber means sad, my favorite 10 year old.
6. What’s for supper?
Usually, I’ll tell them whale tongue (pork tenderloin) or boiled worms and slug sauce (spaghetti) or alligator legs (shake-n-bake chicken) or elephant heart (roast beef) Anything to gross them out, really. What’d I’d like to say is, “Use your eyes, my dear child. It’s on the stove.” 6 out of 7 days I enjoy cooking. That 7th day, though… I’m tired of keeping them alive. If they’re that hungry, they’ll find something. Usually we opt for eating out. Less mess, no cooking, happy dad. You know the saying, happy dad, happy… nevermind, there is no saying.
7. How many cookies can I have?
Like my mama told me, 2. You can have one for each hand because then your hands are full. In house full of cookie monsters they will fill their hands, empty their hands, then refill. I try to limit them so I can get my fill after they go to bed. I hide the Cadbury mini eggs in the veggie drawer. No one finds them there.