F is for Go Ask Your Father…

The “F” word. No, that “F” word. Though, it’s always a possibility.

Today, F is for Friday. Not only is it the second greatest day of the week ever invented, but it’s also day we answer some questions. We get bombarded by questions like statues get bombarded by pigeons.

1. How much longer will Piper be alive?

If you’ve never met Piper, she is our Quaker parrot. She talks a little bit, but only when she thinks no one is listening. Hey. Hi. Hello. Pretty birdie. Good bird. I love you. Give mum a kiss. She imitates the vacuum, water drops, and barks at the neighbors’ dogs. We acquired her in 2006 from a pet store that was giving her away. Someone was moving and couldn’t take her with them and ask the pet store to find her a home. She was free. When we got her we were told she was six which puts her birthday sometime in 2000. We just go by the date we got her. That makes her 18. Quakers can live to be 35 years old. For those of you who suck at math, that mean she has 17 years left (assuming she makes it to 35). The larger parrots, macaws and African greys, can live 80-100 years. Which is nothing compared to Adwaita, an Aldabra giant tortoise, who lived to be 255 years old. My grandmother was there for its birth.

2. What does fire look like in space?

Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire! Technically, fire needs oxygen and space is severely lacking in oxygen. And don’t try to use the sun as an argument for fire in space. The sun is powered by nuclear fusion, not an 864,575 mile wide bon fire.  However, if you happen to be on a space ship (or station) that has oxygen to burn, you will see that fire simply forms a ball around a match head. There is no up in space so the flame cannot form its picturesque tear drop shape because if there is no up, rising is impossible.

Left -space match Right – Earth match

3. Why are some words “bad”?

The “B” word (bedtime). The “S” word (school time). The “C” word (church time). All bad words in their own right. But these aren’t the bad bad words. One of my favorite science channels on YouTube discussed this. You can watch it here if you have a spare 10 minutes. Essentially, these “bad” words stem from the Germanic languages of the lower class. They are bad because they are crude, inappropriate slang words describing something vulgar, unpleasant, gross, or feared. This is why some words are worse than others. The worse it’s depiction the worse it’s level of badness.

4. Can we stay up late?

Considering it is now 8 pm and you are just starting to get ready for bed, the answer is yes. It’s Friday, the sun was shining so you got to say out until 7:30. That’s a whole hour later than usual. Since your mother and I want to watch a movie this evening (Lion) we would like to get you to bed. There’s some wine that needs to be rescued, too. I recorded Gremlins so we can watch that tomorrow. Then you’ll know what you look like when you don’t get enough sleep. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get these a**holes to b*d before they turn into gremlins.

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