Go Ask Your Father: 

What better time is there to get pummled with questions than at bedtime. There’s something about the darkness that provokes inquisitiveness. Their little bodies rest while their brains are still in overdrive.

What’s the flu?

Influenza is a respiratory illness caused the flu virus. No antibiotic will cure you. Antibiotics work on bacterial infections, not viral. It has a rap sheet of symptoms. Fever, cough, sore throat, runny/stuffy nose, muscle/body aches, headaches, fatigue, and perhaps vomiting and/or diarrhea. It totals up to a whole boat load of a bad week. It’s highly contagious. You can pass it on before you start showing symptoms, while you’re sick, and for 5-7 days after. Wash your hands often. Cover coughs and sneezes. Get lots of rest. CDC recommends getting a flu vaccine once a year. Oh. And stay away from me. Unless you’re DW or one of my sons. As much as I hate my boys being sick, I do enjoy how snuggly they become.

Why do some people have dark faces?

Ah, here we go. Ethnicities. Races. I wish we could put aside that word “race” in terms of where you are from. We’re all part of the human race. We need a one world race, unity, and cooperation. Anyway, the short answer is different people of different parts of the world have different skin colors. It’s just the way they’re made. He was okay with that answer. However, if skin color is only skin deep, what does it look like? It’s a pigment called melanin which is controlled by at least six genes. Melanin is also due to the presence of melanin. No matter how light or dark you are, you have melanin. There are two kinds-pheomelanin which is red to yellow and eumelanin which is brown to black. It is indeed skin deep as it’s located in the epidermis (the outer layer of skin). They have the ability to detect and react to ultraviolet radiation from the sun. Too much and you’ll end up with a sunburn. Over a bit of time in the sun the melanin will give you a darker face. We call this a tan. 

Why do big kids say bad words?

Bad words could range from “stupid” to “frigger” or “frickin'”. Or it could be worse. Big kids say bad words because it makes them feel older. It makes them feel like an adult. It makes them feel important. Our boys know they are not to say them anytime, anywhere. That goes for the really bad ones. The true swear words. Other words, the ones I call “at home” words, they understand it’s okay to say them at home but nowhere else. Frigger and frickin’ are two examples. When you slam the closet door on your finger or drop the staple gun on your toe you need a word to relieve the pain. Those two are acceptable. 

What’s an anus?

Awe frig. Really? 

Backstory: We were watching AFV America’s Funniest Videos. At a science museum a dad pointed out Uranus to his young son. His young son then questions, “My anus?” This is why I pronounce it Yer-uh-nus instead of yer-ANUS. Bang heard the word and immediately asked the same.

It’s your bum. More specifically, your bum hole where the poop comes out. That’s all I said. That’s all he needed to hear. Thank God.

Slang words for your sphincter: starfish, turd cutter, shitslit, poop chute, stinkeye, poop hoop, pirate eye

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