My Test

Yesterday I wrote about keeping my boys from becoming a-holes. These were rules for my boys to follow should they decide they want to date. Since the oldest is only eight, we still have plenty of time to teach, guide, and practice those rules.

And like I wrote yesterday, there book-promotion-writing-romance2were two directions I could have taken with that post. The way I chose to go yesterday were rules for my boys to follow in order to treat a girl properly. Today, I’ll flip the coin. These are rules for all those girls out there who might want to date one of my sons sometime in the distant future.

First, you must be educated. I don’t necessarily mean smart (smart is major bonus, though) but at least in school and trying. Not in school and not trying leads to stupid and stupid hurts.

You must dress appropriately. Shorts can’t be too short, skirts must be tasteful. No bra showing. Essentially, don’t dress like a hooker. You won’t make it through the front door. Consider covering up like an Amish girl.

There will be no touching, fondling, kissing, etc… I expect lady like behavior. Be a lady, not a hooch.

Ears pierced only. There’s no need for things through your tongue. It’s bad for your teeth. Isn’t there only one reason to pierce your tongue? See the previous rule.

He will not be your money machine. Sure, he’ll be the gentleman and pay for supper when you go out to eat. Don’t expect him to buy everything. Be a woman of power and buy your own shit with your own money.

He will be a gentleman, I expect you to be a lady and treat him as such. So, when he holds the door open for you, you tell him thank you. When he opens your car door you reach across and unlock his door before he gets to it. I understand this might be more difficult in the world of remote unlock buttons. But in the event you don’t have a key fob, unlock his door.

When the two of you go swimming, the less skin you show the less distracted he’ll be and the more lady like you’ll be. The less you reveal the more respect you’ll earn. Victoria’s secret isn’t a secret anymore. Your secret will remain as such.

Lastly, to my sons, the girl you choose should make you feel like you are flying. She should love you for who you are, not who she wants you to be. Yet, at the same time, you should feel you want to be the best you can be, be better than you were, just for her. Because she makes you feel like you can conquer the world. If she can’t do this then she’s not “the one”.

Should she break your heart, you’re dad will beat up her dad for raising a heartless wench.


Passing the Test

couple-holding-hands-walking-tumblr-5Ah Dad has a Test for boys to pass if they intend to date his daughters. After reading his list (and his reasoning) I feel obligated to write my own. Except, since I have two boys, I figured there were two ways to take this. This first way will correspond with Ah Dad’s rules. However, the rules will pertain to Crash and Bang. Then perhaps, I will succeed in raising two boys who can pass the test to date his Princess. With some planning, a hell of a lot of instruction, guidance, and discipline, my kids won’t grow up to be a-holes.

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