P is for…

As parents of 2 boys, as were my parents before me, P can be for two things. Both of which refer to bathroom duties. The toilet. I think that’s my least favorite chore, even if it does take the least amount of time to clean. I’d rather do laundry all weekend than clean the toilet. Much to my dismay, life with boys requires the toilet to be cleaned on a daily basis.

Pee.

I’m considering registering them both for the fire department. The way they spray, no blaze couldn’t be stopped. And no matter how many times they get fussed at to aim IN the toilet not ON the toilet they just can’t hit the mark. I’ve seen drunks make less of a mess. Urine is on toilet seat, under the seat, behind the seat, around the base of the toilet, on the floor. What are they doing in there? Zumba?

Before we sit on the throne we have to give it wipe or else we come back up with a wet arse. It’s like the Game of Thrones, except no one dies a horrific death. They just get pee on them. Perhaps if I put a target on the bottom of the toilet they’ll make less of a mess. Give them something to aim at while they’re dancing in there.

I suppose DW has it one worse than I do. Except I never miss.

P is also for poop. That shit is gross (except mine. Mine smells like roses). Cleaning it is grosser than gross. Fortunately, they have yet to miss the target with number two. But they do forget to flush. Do you know how excited I get when I go to drain the main vain only find the toilet full of toilet paper and Mr. Hanky? C’mon guys. Flush and wash your hands. It should be routine now. You’ve been trained for 8 years now.

It must be easier with girls. Girls don’t have toilet trouble, do they? Or is it a different kind of trouble?

P is for…

PWe’ve rounded the horn and gotten through Elemenopee. Well, we’ll be through P after today. So, what is P for?

I thought P was for pee. But there’s only so much one can write about pee. Once I’ve stated the obvious, what more is there to say? The obvious? The obvious is 3 and 7 year olds have horrible aim in the bathroom. But put them in front of a tree and they won’t miss a drop.

No. P won’t be for pee. It won’t be for poop either. While farts are funny. Poop, not so much. We all pee and poop. No need to discuss it here. P won’t be for purple which is Bang’s favorite color. He now has (and loves) his purple Barbie sunglasses and new purple “Crocs”. They’re actually Dolphins, but look like Crocs, the shoe. P could be for Piper, our quaker parrot. She’s currently out in her cage whistling. P isn’t for Penguin. Or at least not yet. He’ll make an appearance next Wednesday. Lastly, P isn’t for parenting. Chance are, you didn’t come here to read about my parenting technique. Parenting advice shouldn’t be given unsolicited.

Nah. Today P will be for the greatest source of inspiration and motivation; the last minute. P is for procrastination. I know I’m guilty of it. I also know I’m not the only one and that’s how I justify it. It’s mostly why I’m writing these posts day to day even though the whole month has been scheduled. However, I didn’t realize it would be genetic. As the father of my kids, I’m fully responsible for passing on the unpleasant genes. I wonder where in the DNA sequence the procrastination gene is? Crash is excellent at putting things off. All though, I think he’s trying to avoid, not put off bedtime. He would stay up all night if we let him. Actually, he nearly did one New Years Eve. It was 1 am and he was still going strong! Unfortunately, he’s early to rise no matter what time he goes to bed. 6 am early.

Okay. Time for the other P word. Play. Bang is about to bounce off the walls. Gotta burn off some energy now!