Speak English!

It is spoken by over 840 million people. That’s 840,000,000 people. It’s the second most spoken language right after Mandarin (Chinese). It’s spoken by 67 countries and 27 non-sovereign countries, ie Hong Kong and Puerto Rico.  Some sources say it originated in what is now northwest Germany and the Netherlands. There’s Old English which is the English my parents speak and is preserved in Beowulf from around the year 800. Then there’s middle English of the 1000’s, which my wife and I speak. Lastly, there’s Modern English spoken by this Millennial generation- from the 16 and 1700’s Millennials. The American Revolution included being vocabularically (that’s a word, right?) free from England.

The 20 volume Oxford dictionary includes definitions for 171,476 words. However, it also lists definitions for 47,156 obsolete words and about 9,500 derivatives as subentries. So there could be upwards of 250,000 words.

And what I love about the English language – words can be used in so many different ways to mean so many different things. The same word can be a thing, it can be an action or it could be a description.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Finally. Thanks to Stumbleupon, I found some hilarious idiosyncrasies in the English language. Ones I knew about, but never gave conscious thought to. They certainly make me relieved that English is my first language because as one Tumblr user said, “I’m glad English is my first language because if I had to learn it as a second language I’d jump off a bridge.”

1. I never said you were stupid.

You get a completely different meaning depending on which word you stress. Six words, six meanings.

2. English can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

There’s that “ough” conundrum. Written the same five times, pronouned five different ways.

3. If womb is pronounced “woom” and tomb is pronounced “toom” shouldn’t bomb be pronounced “boom”?

It should and it will if you’re not careful.

4. Then there are contronyms.

These are words that are their own opposites. Unlike the word up, whose opposite is down, the word peruse is its own opposite. It can mean to read something in a relaxed way or it can mean to read something carefully. Egregious and nonplussed are two more examples.

5. A long time ago someone wrote “God B W Ye”. This is essentially 16th century text speak that gave us the word “goodbye”.

6. Cough, rough, though, and through don’t rhyme. They don’t even sound alike. Yet somehow, pony and bologna do. WTH?

7. A simple mark, the infamous comma (,) can change the whole meaning of sentence and even save lives.

Lets eat, kids.

While some of may have considered baking up our children after a particlarly long snow day, that comma means we’re having chicken, not children.

8. And somehow that that makes sense…115933219113-png__700

9. Then there’s this bit of comedy using idiosyncrasies…

The correct way to spell Potato

P – GH as in hiccough
O- OUGH as in dough
T- PHTH as in phthisis
A – EIGH as in eight and neighbor
T- ETT as in gazett
O- EAU as in plateau

GHOUGHPHTHEIGHETTEAU = Potato

10. For my tenth and final act I give you this gem. When you’re done reading this picture type the last sentence into Google translate and click “pronounce”.  I promise you won’t be disappointed. The boys and I have heard it a hundred times and we laugh every time.funny-english-language-jokes-3-58a1ac7da639a__700

I love the English language. It can be fun to play with. I didn’t get into the whole i before e nonsense and their/there/they’re and homographs like bow and bow. So this list could go on and on and on…

910f5b53685407abd55061ae44c7ec4b

3rd Grade Spelling Words

Watch this short little clip of one of my favourite favorite poets, Taylor Mali. I personally, think he’s brilliant.

I’m no spelling whiz. Never have been. DW and mom can attest to that. Fortunately, I know my words and can tell the difference between ewe and you. I know when to use their, there and they’re. I know when to use to, too and two. Even affect and effect. My spelling, on the other hand, isn’t quite so good. And being an American in Canada doesn’t help that fact.

One of the positives of being a substitute teacher is that I sometimes get to go into Crash’s classroom. Naturally, I’m in teacher mode, not dad mode, so it’s a little different. Anyway, the other day was one of those days. I was in as a resource teacher and had gone in to assist his teacher. Or rather, assist the students who needed. They were to be writing a sentence using a word from their word wall.

The first thing I noticed was that favorite was spelled wrong err differently. It was favourite. Sneaky British spelling. How am I supposed to help him with spelling words when he’s being taught to spell them differently? When I type the word favourite, there’s a red line under it. There’s a whole list words I’d spell incorrectly on his test. In other words, I’d fail a 3rd grade spelling test.

  • Favorite/Favourite
  • Color/Colour
  • Neighbor/Neighbour
  • Pajamas/Pyjamas
  • Center/Centre
  • Meter/Metre
  • Liter/Litre
  • Any word that ends in er

These are just the ones I could think of off the top of my head. Good thing we didn’t put him in French Immersion. I’m going to have a hard enough time teaching him English!