Choose A Book

Saturday. Busy day with Relay for Life. Short post.

We just finished the Harry Potter series. Which book should we read next? Just pick a book, click “vote” and see the results so far…

 

Go Ask Your Father: Fitbit HR, AC/DC, Baths, and Aluminum Cans

In case you missed it this morning, I published yesterday’s Questions I Asked My Kids. Wonder what kind of animal hair Crash and Bang had?

To hell with the intro. Lets answer questions.

1. How does a Fitbit know your heart rate?

A tiny nurse fairy is packed comfortably in each one. I imagine she’s busty and her scrubs are a size or two too small. This is what I thought of while I on my last run. Except the fairy nurse was DW and it was Halloween. I’m sure she’s turning 50 shades of red now, but it sure helped me run faster. Alas, there are no sexy nurse fairies in your Fitbit. Just a flashy green light that uses a technology called photoplethysmography. It’s the same technology hospitals use in those finger and ear clips that also measure heart rates. My Fitbit tells me my heart rate is around 155 beats per minute when I’m running. I’m not sure if that’s from running or from imagining DW as my nurse.

2. What’s AC/DC?

92-high_voltage_symbolThey are what my boys call, The Masters of Rock and RollIt’s also my attempt to get them listening to the music I listened to when I listened to the music my parents listened to. AC/DC. Queen. Led Zeppelin. You know… that good ole rock and roll. AC/DC formed in 1973 in Sydney, Australia and are still playing. Their guitars are electric. Their guitars work on AC electricity. Alternating current is the kind of electricity that powers our homes and large rock concert arenas. The current flows both directions through the wire because of the magnet that is spun through coil of copper wire. With the poles of the magnet alternating as it spins so do to the electrons in the wire. Whereas DC, or direct current, supplies constant voltage and the electricity flows in just one direction. The battery in your favorite toy provide a direct current. The electricity flows out of one node, through the wires in your Buzz or Woody and back into the other end of the battery. And this, in fact, is exactly how the band got their name. Except it was from their sister’s sewing machine, not Buzz and Woody.

3. Why do I need a bath? 

Not me. I know I why I need a bath. I stink like a ass end of a fully loaded garbage truck. You, my sons, need a bath because you were playing in the dirt pile again. I’m not sure if you were playing in it or burying yourself in it. From the looks of it you must have been rubbing it all over yourself like Zsa Zsa Gabor puts on make-up. When you take bath, my favorite little dirt balls, please use soap. It’s kind of magical when it comes to removing the layers of grime you have caked on. Soap molecules have two ends. Lets call them a top and bottom (head and arse sound more fun, though). The top part is hydrophobic, it hates water and tries to get away. The bottom part is hydrophilic, it loves water. Remember that oil and water don’t mix and the oil rises to the surface? Well, the hydrophobic end of the soap molecule clings to that oil and dirt from your skin and become suspended in drops of water. When you rinse off, away go those water hating, dirt carrying molecules. Essentially, you make room for more dirt.

4. How much am I worth if I were an aluminum can?

First, I need to thank Antoniusrex for this question. He posed it in his latest post, Aluminum. I thought it was a fun question so I’m going to answer it here, too. Though slightly differently, and more in depth.

Here’s how I did the math…

I am 150 pounds (soaking wet). Google says there are 68,039 grams in 150 pounds (because there are 453.592 grams per pound). Today’s aluminum can weighs about 15 grams. If you do the division (but you don’t have to because I already did) that means I weigh as much as 4,536 aluminum cans. If you take that to recycling depot you’ll get 5¢, $.05, a nickel, per can. I’ll do the math for you again and 4,536 nickels equals $226.80. That’s barely enough to feed the hungry hungry hippos kids for a couple weeks. Guess it’s good that I’m not really refundable. I’m pretty worthless if I were. My Fitbit says my heart rate is 59 so I know I’m not an aluminum can and I will therefore Keep Calm and Be Human.

keep calm and rock on

Questions I Asked My Kids: Ep 46

I had the questions all planned. I was all set. We all know what happens when we make plans… The universe laughs at us. Immediately after school we took a little road trip (40 minutes) for a doctor’s appointment. Bang asked if we needed to pack for the hotel.

For a 40 minute trip!

We got home just in time for bed. Unfortunately, I had a meeting so I couldn’t ask the questions. So they were asked this morning over cinnamon, banana, chocolate chip pancakes.

1. Who was I before I was me? (thanks mikealixonline)

Crash: A kid?
Bang: Nemo

2. If you changed your hair to animal hair, which animal’s hair would you have?

Crash: Cat hair
Bang: Horse hair

3. What does it mean to be beautiful?

Crash: Have dresses and make up and that stuff
Bang: Very nice

4. What song do you want to hear in the truck?

Crash: Everything is Awesome
Bang: Thunderstruck (the rock and roll bug is setting in)

5. What do you like doing most with your brother?

Crash: Playing Wii
Bang: Building train tracks

7. What’s the most annoying thing about your brother?

Crash: When he annoys me for the fun of it
Bang: He wakes up in his underwear (the irony of it is Bang is in his underwear, too)

8. What do you want to do this weekend?

Crash: Play video games
Bang: Play the Wii all day

9. What’s your favorite truck?

Crash: Excavator
Bang: Log Hauler

10. How much money will Mom and Uncle Kevin raise for Relay for Life? You can check out their fundraiser page here.

Crash: More than $15,000
Bang: Over a hundred million thousand gazillion dollars. 

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On Finishing a Good Book

We started our journey some 2 years ago. Tonight it came to an end. Harry Potter died, but didn’t die. He returned to finish Voldemort properly. It’s been quite the adventure and Crash sure did love it. So much, in fact, that he checked out The Philosopher’s Stone from the library and has started rereading the series on his own. 

So in light of sending off our best friends, Harry, Ron, Hermione and the whole Hogwarts gang, all I can think to do is leave you with some quotes about what it feels like…

But not to worry. I’ll visit them again in a couple years when it’s Bang’s turn to have them read to him. In the meantime, Crash is already wondering what we’re going to read next!

Lucy At Home

Month in Review: May

May is over. Gone. Done. Fini. Now we’re into June. The June bugs are safe for 24 more days. How did the month look in the color of numbers?

First off, starting the Facebook companion site to All In A Dad’s Work was a step in the right direction. Previously, I had been getting an average of 50 views per month from Facebook. In the month of May, 148 views came from that social media mongol. Three times as many!

The month ended with 1,831 views. This is up 315 views from April and is the third consecutive month to have an increase.

Those views were spread over 32 posts posted in May. That’s one extra post than April had.

There were 861 visitors. I don’t know where I put y’all, but thanks for stopping by! This 210 more than in April. Keep visiting this much and I’ll have to call you family.

That little star called the like button was clicked 560 times. I like that. Even if was 60 fewer likes. This page doesn’t run on likes.

It runs on comments. Your discussion drives this thing. I’m just here for the ride. There were 468 comments left last month. That’s 103 comments more! I love and appreciate your comments and the discussions we have. I’ll take this over the like button any day of the month.

Prior to May, I had 843 followers. By the end of May that number has shot up to 944! That’s a gain of 101 in a single month. C’mon everyone. Follow me. I don’t know where going but we’re having a great time getting there! That means I’m only 56 shy of that big 1,000 milestone. Thanks goes out to Coffee Flavored InkStuff My Toddler Says, and Robert Omwa for being my latest three followers who have a post written (I have received a few new followers who haven’t written their first post yet). Will you be next?

Besides my homepage (which always kills in the most popular category like it’s the high school football team’s quarterback) To the Boy in Walmart was the most viewed post with 141 views. In a distant second (like anyone who races Usain Bolt) was The Liebstering Liebsters with 79 views. In a lagging behind like a toddler sort of way was After the Kids Go To Bed with 41 views.

Read across the world, I made it to 55 countries. The U.S.A. Image result for american flag emoji led the way. They were tailed by Canada Image result for canadian flag emoji then Image result for united kingdom flag emoji then Australia Image result for australian flag emoji and Netherlands Image result for netherlands flag emoji.

May brought a few fun search terms.

  • can i crash and bang your mom?
  • i know where my loyalties lie images
  • cleaning chart design
  • lowrider impala 68

Now for my top commenters…

Erika – of Dorky Mom Doodles
Ann- of Grubbs n Critters
Dewy – of Dewy’s Place
Sandra- of A Momma’s View
Amber- of Life In Perspective
Katherine- of Welcome to the Nursery

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Let’s Play Ball!

I love baseball season. Opening day was a big day for me, even though my Orioles didn’t play at home that day.

Today, baseball started for Crash. There are two teams he could have potentially made. The first is the Rep team. They’re a provincial team, meaning they will play other Rep from across Nova Scotia. He didn’t make that team. That’s okay, though. You win some and you lose some and sometimes you don’t get what you want. It was a learning experience.

This evening was the first practice for the house teams. These are the teams everyone who wants to be on a team gets to be on one. Last year there were 4 teams. This year there might be 3, maybe only 2. Someone, somewhere created a rule that kids on Rep teams can’t play on house teams, too. Normally, those kids would be divvied up between the house teams to keep one team from being a power house.

This year, as of right now, that won’t happen and that’s a whole team’s worth of players.

Anyway, Crash did well this evening. He hit, he ran, he caught. Of course, being in Blue Jay territory, kids were referring to Goins and Pillar and Bautista. Crash and I refer to Machado, Trumbo, Jones, and Davis.

Also, I enjoy coaching. I’ve coached soccer, wrestling, golf, and I may be about to add baseball to that resume. I had a blast being the dad last season and watching. Now I may get to be dad and coach and must say, I’m a bit excited.

But this isn’t about me. It’s about Crash learning one of the games I love (soccer is my other favorite). He learned a lot last year. I’m hopeful he’ll learn even more this year.

I hung a blanket from the ceiling in the basement. Then I took the tee down down there. There is just enough room for me take some swings. If there’s room for me, there’s room for the boys, too. We’ve been hitting a few balls into the blanket.

Yes. We’re playing baseball in the house. So far, no one has been hurt and nothing has been broken.

 Practice-yourself-for-heavens-sake-in-little-things-and-thence-proceed-to-greater.-Epictetus

Sunday Share: Week 23

It’s officially June.

I was talking to a boy on the playground last week at school. He told me, “There’s a June bug over there” and pointed to the ground in the corner of an asphalted area.

I replied, “Oh, show me.”

“I stomped on it.” He explained. “It’s not June, yet.”

Had that bug just waited one more day, he would have been in the correct month and would have survived. Though I know that boy made a many people happy. To some, the only good June bug is a dead June bug.

KS Beth
Hilarious troubles I’ll never face…

Home With Peanut
Funny parenting FB posts…

Sauce Box
About free samples…

Ipuna Black
Earning and giving…

Fatty McCupcakes
Being positive about your body…

All In A Dad’s Work
A shameless self promotion – Go Ask Your Father

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Baseball “tryouts” start tomorrow for Crash!

35 Questions No One Has Asked Me

Except, Sandra over at A Momma’s View has asked them. I’ve got nothing else to on this Saturday night as the O’s take on the Red Sox and John Oliver reruns playing on HBO On Demand. I will now sit here, answer questions and help DW eat the chocolate she had hidden.

  1. Are you drooling when brushing your teeth? Yes, but I try not to, but I can’t help it.
  2. How often do you clean your bathroom? I cleaned it today! I think it was 2 weeks ago that it was cleaned last.
  3. Do you ever scratch your bum or you know what…? Only when I’m at home and there are no guests
  4. Do you smell your own armpits? Nope. No reason for my nose to be in there
  5. How long do you go till you wash your hair? It’s been at least 4 years since I washed my hair
  6. How often do you shower? Every other day or so. Depends on how stinky I am. If I can smell myself, it’s shower time
  7. Have you ever pooed and then realized you had not toilet paper? Yep.
  8. If you run out of toilet paper what would you use to clean your bum? Baby wipes
  9. What’s the silliest way you spend money? On running clothes. Always need more.
  10. Do you feel like the tourist nobody wants to have around when you are on vacation? Sometimes I slip in tourist mode while taking photos, but otherwise I try to pretend I’m not one
  11. Do you misbehave when you are on vacation (thinking spring break crazy)? Nope. Totally behaved
  12. Have you ever vomited over someone’s shoes? Can’t say that I have.
  13. Did you ever get so drunk that you couldn’t remember a single thing? Nope, haven’t done that either
  14. What do people really dislike about you? Probably how amazing of a wife I have.
  15. Is there something you tend to ignore in regards to your spouse? That she’s always right
  16. Do you snore? I’ve never heard myself, but I’m told I do
  17. Does your partner snore? She’s never heard herself, but I tell her she does
  18. How does it make you feel when you hear snoring? like laughing
  19. What do you do with ear wax? Clean it out of my ears with Q-Tips
  20. Do you play with your boogers? Sometimes we jump on the trampoline and sometimes we play with matchbox cars and sometimes the 2 little boogers want to play Wii.
  21. Do you check out your napkin after blowing your nose? Only to see if I have sinus infection. No rorschach tests
  22. When you drop food, do you eat it still? Only at home
  23. When you see a person that you find gross while on the beach, what do you do? Stare in mild amusment
  24. Do you like to be touched? Only by those closest to me
  25. Do you ask people how old they are? Nope. I guess. I’m usually way off.
  26. What do you think of people who have more than 6 kids? That they are either tough or stupid or a bit of both
  27. Have you ever told someone to pluck their eyebrows? Nope
  28. Have your kids ever asked inappropriate questions? Of course.
  29. Have you ever asked a stranger where they live? Nope
  30. Did you ever pee on someones fence or next to someone’s house? On a fence, yes. Didn’t belong to anyone and it was 4 miles away from civilization
  31. Have you ever watched someone while they were… well, you know… Pee? Just DW – open door policy and all
  32. When you are at the gym, do you check out other people there? Yep. I like to see who I’m working out with
  33. While at the gym, do you wipe your equipment after using it? Yep. It’s gross when others don’t
  34. Do you sweat a lot? I do
  35. Do you sometimes put deodorant on instead of showering? You betcha

There is no tagging. If want to answer them, feel free! 

Go Ask Your Father: Images, Uvulas, PostMortem, and Amusement Parks

We made it to Friday, y’all. Some of you are finished school for the summer. Others are nearly finished. We still have the rest of the month. The kids are pretty much on autopilot now. They’re just cruising through to the end the year.

1. Why am I upside down in the spoon?

Perhaps it’s not you that is upside down. Perhaps it is the spoon. Or better yet, perhaps there is no you or spoon and this is just some computer simulated universe. The real reason is because the spoon is concave- or indented (like a cave). The back of the spoon is convex, and therefore you look mostly normal, whatever your normal is. However, on the concave side, light is not reflected at straight angles as if you were looking at yourself in the knife. Instead, because of its concaveness, light at the bottom of the spoon is reflected upward while light at the top is reflected downward. This effectively flips your image.

2. What’s that dangly thing in my throat?

This is the kind of question you get when your child is inspecting their sore throat in a mirror and notices a little punching bag (speed bag) shaped piece of skin way in the back. Called a uvula [you-view-lah] (not to be confused with a vulva, that’s something completely different). Once upon a time it was believed to help guide food and water as humans were the only mammals to not bend over to eat and drink. Then it was thought to induce the gag reflex. It was also believed to cause chronic coughing which could easily be cured with a simple clipping. These people would undergo uvulopalatopharyngoplasty to have it removed. It was also suspected of causing cardiovascular problems like SIDS. Today, scientists think that it helps with speech as humans are the only animals who have a uvula.

3. What happens to bodies after they die?

I’m not sure if he was looking for a scientific answer or not. I’m hoping not, because I’m not NCIS or a mortician. So instead I opted with what people would like to have done with their bodies after their time here on Earth comes to an end. Some opt to be cremated. This turns their body to ash to be stored in urns and pendants or taken to a location of significance and scattered. Neil DeGrasse Tyson doesn’t want this as the heat from his body is released into space and is of no assistance to Earth. Whereas if he were buried he could “feed” the Earth as the Earth fed him through his life. So some choose to be buried. Some chose to donate their bodies to science. There are now new and creative ways to be memorialized. For example, you can be turned into a tree. Or more specifically, you are cremated then your ashes are used to grow a tree and you are buried so your tree can flourish. You have your cremains pressed into a vinyl record, or put into fireworks, or even into tattoo ink.

4. Can we go to an Amusement park?

Bang has very few fears when it comes to amusement park rides. A fair (think traveling carnival) comes to town at the beginning of every summer and Bang loves to ride the rides. Just last summer he was finally tall enough to ride some of the adult rides. There were a couple he still wasn’t tall enough for and he made his disappointment plainly obvious. This is not how I was at his age. I hated roller coasters. At one park, my parents would tell me every ride that I did get on went upside down. Including the log flume. Fortunately, I wasn’t quite gullible enough to believe them. Now he wants to go to a “real” amusement park to ride “real” roller coasters. Including the ones that go upside down.

Questions I Asked My Kids: Ep 45

450 questions! I never dreamed it would go this far. I’m pulling questions out of my ears (to keep it polite). If you can think of any fun ones feel free to ask them in the comment section below and they’ll appear in future episodes along with the boys’ answers. Also, if you have your own kids between the ages of 0 and 100, feel free to ask them these questions. Their responses are sure to delight. And if you post them, be sure to let me know!

*Disclaimer: Please make sure your mouth is free of food and drink before reading. I am not responsible for you spraying your keyboard.

1. What might aliens from outer space look like?

Crash: They might have antennas, purple bumpy skin, one eye, and extremely dirty finger and toenails which are very sharp. And it has spikes for eyelids
Bang: 6 eyes, 5 arms, and 2, heads. They’re brown, black, white, and green and 16,000 inches tall
DW: Aren’t they green with funny shaped heads and big eyes?

2. If you could build anything in the backyard, what would you build?

Crash: A big big big water slide going down with a ramp at the end to jump into a big pool
Bang: One more house so we could have 2 furnitures
DW: A pool

3. If you had to leave the house in an emergency, what 3 things would you take?

Crash: Monkey, my baby stuff, and my Guppie Book
Bang: The Wii, the refrigerator, and Penguin
DW: I’d “think” about taking the kids. Piper (the parrot), External hard drive, and my pendent with dad’s thumbprint and ashes

4. What’s the best thing about growing up?

Crash: You don’t have to listen to your parents anymore! JUST KIDDING! You get to have kids.
Bang: That I can yell at people. Because that’s what you and mom do!
DW: Margaritas and bed

5. What word makes you laugh?

Crash: Banana
Bang: White
DW: LOL I don’t know!

6. We just bought a droid. What should we name it?

Crash: Mechanoid
Bang: Battledoor
DW: Bitch  Jeeves, the Butler

7. What would you do if you were Dad?

Crash: Stay up late all night and play Minecraft
Bang: I would clean
DW: I can’t answer that. It’s not social media appropriate.

8. What would you do if you were mom?

Crash: Sit in front of the computer all day doing Relay for Life stuff and work stuff.
Bang: Snuggle my kids
DW: I am Mom.

9. If you could change anything about school, what would you change?

Crash: I would change a rule. I would allow all the fidget toys in school.
Bang: No math and no reading. Oh, and no writing. And nothing but play time.
DW: You would have a job there.

10. Did you have any dreams?

Crash: Me, you, and Bang (Mom was out) were sitting in the living room watching TV. Bang asks if we can go to the attic (we don’t have an attic) to see what is up there. We had to push open a trapdoor to make a hole then we put a ladder there. There was a ton of stuff up there. There was a candle on a dresser and next to it was a golden watch that mom was looking for, apparently. Turns out it was Guppie’s old watch. Then Bang runs over to see because we all knew mom was looking for it. Bang bumps the candle and the floor catches on fire and it spreads. Fortunately, we get everything valuable out of the attic and put them in a grocery bag. The items would shrink when we put them in so we could put LOADS of stuff in it. Then we exited the house and Dad pulls out his cell phone and calls 911 and says, “Uh, there’s a fire at out house. Could you come put it out?” Then when they get here the firemen were aliens and they didn’t use water to put out the fire. They peed on the fire. Then mom pulls home and she walks in like nothing happened. Then I woke up and was like “Whoa”.
Bang: Nope, no dreams.
DW: I think I did but I can’t remember them.

Questioning where else you can find me? I’m on Facebook and Twitter!