Go Ask Your Father: Shrinkage, Nocturnal Humans, Veins, and the Answer to Life

TGIF! I’ve never been one to hide the hardships of parenting. It’s not like the Facebook place where we only post all the fun and funny stuff. Sometimes parenting sucks and I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone.

I reminded Crash to brush his teeth this morning and he mooed at me (his way of saying “You’re a nuisance, Dad!”)
I reminded Bang to brush his teeth this morning and he very literally screamed at me, “I KNOW! I’M NOT STUNNED!” Then proceeded to waste toothpaste by a)missing his toothbrush and b) dropping a toothpaste filled toothbrush on the floor.
I asked Crash to pack his own lunch this morning and he had the nerve to tell me “No.” I told him he was going to get very hungry today if he didn’t because I sure wasn’t going to (that’s kinda like his punishment for waking up at 6:15am). He ended up packing his own lunch.

So cheers to you and the joys and woes of parenting!

1. Why do some clothes shrink when you wash them?

Because dryers are arseholes who steal socks and shrink clothes small enough to fit your cat. Clothes are made of thread. Thread is made of fibers. If you’ve ever laid out fiber or length organic thread  you’ll know that the last thing it wants to do is lay straight. It gets itself all twisted and tangled and looped much like my cousin’s hair – so curly you can bounce things off it. To make it usable, the fibers are pulled and twisted. This pulling and twisting causes tension at the molecular level. Heat will cause the fibers to relax, like DW on a massage table. Once relaxed they will return to their former short, curly, twisted state instead of pulled straight. Or they will shrink due to the “scales” on them. Much like your own hair, you can feel the scales by rubbing a strand between two fingers. Smooth one way, scratchy the other. Water causes these scales to expand and they slide toward the root, collapsing like those plastic light sabers my kids use to beat each other with.

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The cat liked it better when the sweater fit me.

2. Can humans become nocturnal?

If my sweater can fit before being washed, but fit the neighbor’s cat, Poophead, afterward, then humans can be nocturnal. I think Crash asked this question because he’s hopeful of becoming nocturnal himself. What is it with kids and sleep, anyway? Crash wants to stay up all night and Bang is adamant that he just lies in bed awake all night and never dreams. Meanwhile, i’m over hugging my pillow. Our sleep and wake cycles are regulated by our circadian rhythm. Our circadian rhythm is regulated by two clusters of nerve cells called the suprachiasmatic nuclei (SCN) in the anterior hypothalamus. Our rhythms differ from person to person. So yes, people can be nocturnal. Are you a morning lark or night owl? In extreme cases the morning larks wake and feel best at 4 am while the night owls are just heading to bed at that time. Evolutionarily,  it would make sense for someone to stay awake all night to keep the saber tooth tigers away from the cave.

3. What do veins look like?

We will be visiting the Body Works museum next week. If you should ever get a chance to see this exhibit, I highly recommend it. The boys are excited to see it and Bang (the 6 year old) has a great fascination with this stuff. Veins are basically just the garden hose of the body carrying blood from one part to the next while delivering oxygen and nutrients along the way. So maybe our veins are more like roads where the letter carrier drives delivering all our Amazon deliveries. Generally speaking, veins carry deoxygenated blood back to our lungs while arteries carry the oxygenated blood to our body part. Veins typically have thinner walls too, like the walls between apartment building neighbors. The vena cava is the largest vein in our body. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to go drain my main vein…

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4. What’s the answer to life?

I didn’t even realize that life was a question. I didn’t study so I’m probably going to fail this one. According to Douglas Adams, the author of A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the answer is 42. Go here to see some correlations to his random number. Me, personally? I think the answer is either Pi (π) or kindness. The geek in me loves this pi page. Though the answer could be pie and kindness. We should all be kind to one another, even the ones it’s hard to be kind to like our kids, trolls, and that guy who never tips. Perhaps if we all paid it forward that kindness would return to us. I wish the answer would be common sense. The world could use a little more of that…

Quote On Meaning Of Life Download Meaning Of Life Quotes | Homean Quotes

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