The 6 Christmas Gifts We All Crave and My Wife Is Getting

dad's work

The Twelve Days of Christmas are upon us… or, at least, there just 12 sleeps left until the big morning. I won’t be getting DW a partridge in a pear tree. Nor will she get 12 lords-a-leaping. She has me and I do enough leaping for one family. Nor will she get fiiiiiiiiive gooooolden riiiiings (you just sang it, didn’t you?) I’m not made of that kind of money or bitcoin. We could use 10 maids-a-milking, though. We go through a lot of milk and at $6.50 a gallon (3.785 liters) it gets expensive. I searched Amazon, but the best I could find to a milking maid was this thing for $165.99. There’s no cow or milking happening here. If I got this 17″ monstrosity for her, I know exactly where she’d shove it… Right up my pasture.

Capture

This year I’m going with practical gifts. Gifts that can be used over and over. The gifts that keep on giving.

1. Like this beautiful screen viewer for when you need it a bit darker to see that screen. When kids see this on Mom they’ll know not to bother her, she’s busy crushing her candy. I bet it’s good for making it dark enough to take a nap, too. Thirdly, you can’t see all the weird looks this thing will attract. It’s going to be all the rage next year! I don’t recommend wearing while driving.

2792ff6ec2a64fdd5af18a73d45893ec

2. Who doesn’t like music? Who doesn’t like warm feet? This gift has them both covered. I figure four pair walking around the house with four different songs playing would be spectacular! We’ll get our 10,000 steps a day easy! I really dig the bonus head strap so you wear them like headphones. That’ll smell pleasant in the summertime.

91u-tk4ossl-_sl1500_

3. This next doozy has all kinds of useful uses. It can do anything from kill small game should you become lost in the hunger games to feeding your children and even correcting their heathen-like behaviour. I’m guessing it works on husbands just as well, so I’ll be sure to stay out of range…

auto-career

4. *No explanation needed…

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

5. Have you ever cut up fruit and veggies and thought… hmmm, I wonder how fresh this is? All the stuff that gets lost in the fridge and has been in there since God was a baby. This really cool, super high tech knife will tell you just how fresh or how rotten your food is. It’ll be up to you whether you eat it or not.

knife

6. Last but not least is my favorite gift on this list, I love snuggling in the winter time by a lit Christmas tree with a glass #4 in one hand and DW’s hand in my other. I can’t wait to see her expression when she opens this one! It’s like a mommy/daddy time out shirt. Wherever we go, we go together. Whatever we do, we do together. And a fart could kill us both.

worst-valentines-day-gifts-19

Are there any exotic and fun gifts you plan to get your significant other? Let me know below. Also, don’t forget to come find and follow me on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook!

9e2b87bba1fa741458435db675c56834-christmas-jokes-christmas-time

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “The 6 Christmas Gifts We All Crave and My Wife Is Getting

  1. Hahahaa! Sure I’d love one of those toe tunes (!) and the screenviewer and the double sweater. Who wouldn’t!!! Right?! Best gifts ever! 😅

    The high tech knife is probably about the most practical in the list. That’d be the end of my cooking left-over days!

    12 days!!!!! Eeks.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Those wine glasses are awesome.

    I’m getting my hubby a 1989 Batmobile model car kit. He loves Batman and mentioned doing a model car with LM before, so I think he’ll like that.

    And whoa, $6.50 for a gallon of milk?!?! Dayum. It’s usually $2.50 here, but was on sale during Thanksgiving for .99.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s