J is for…

If you’re a parent you need a serious sense of humor. If you can’t laugh when your toddler decides too pee off the front porch because he’s too lazy to walk up a flight of steps to the bathroom, you won’t survive parenthood. If you can’t entertain the thought when one of your kids tells you that when he turns 5 he’s going to turn into a puppy so he can poop in the yard (different kid than the one who peed off the front porch) parenthood is going to be long and brutal. 

 is jokes. I bring you ten five jokes to tickle your funny bone.

1.“Every night before I get my one hour of sleep, I have the same thought: ‘Well, that’s a wrap on another day of acting like I know what I’m doing.’ I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not. Most of the time, I feel entirely unqualified to be a parent. I call these times being awake.” ~Jim Gaffigan

2. For weeks a six-year-old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day, the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

3. 

4. A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

5. Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, “Mother, I’ve got a stomach ache.” “That’s because your stomach is empty,” the mother replied. “You would feel better if you had something in it.” That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, “That’s because it’s empty,” she said. “You’d feel better if you had something in it.”

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26 thoughts on “J is for…

  1. Love the jokes! My son thinks he can pee anywhere we were at the library the other day, went to the park across the street from there(we call it the purple police park) it’s literally across the street to the police station. My son 4, said he had to pee, I told him he had to use the porter potty, and said no can’t I pee right here, I said def no! Mommy will get a ticket for indecent exposure lol. We drove quickly home 4 blocks.

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  2. “I call these times being awake…” LOL! Jim Gaffigan nailed it.

    I remember when my oldest was two and I was nursing my infant in the recliner. Within three minutes, the dog barfed, the oven timer went off, the phone rang, the infant spit up all over me as I stood, and the toddler walked over to the dog bed, pulled down his pants, and peed on it. Don’t become a parent if you can’t deal with the “fluids” that come along with it, right?! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s okie mine decided to pee into the Da Nang river in between the railings when we were in VN . Most of the time I just get him to find a bush. Over here on long country drives there might not be a rest room thus most people just find a bush and go for it including adults.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You do what ya gotta do 🙂 Peeing in rivers and oceans is okay… fish do it and there are millions and billions of them. We are country folk, too. When you just can’t hold it, head for the bushes.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. #2 😂😂

    LM uses to stick his out between the slats on the porch rail while i would be unlocking the door. I can only imagine what someone passing by would say!

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  5. Pingback: My Picks Of The Week 2017 – #15 | A Momma's View

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