Thank You School

Here in Nova Scotia, our public education system is under an intense amount of stress right now. Teachers are being overworked to the point that they’re losing teaching time in order to fulfill other mandanted requirements. These mandated requirements may or may not be improvements to the system, they’re arguable. 

Crash and Bang are still receiving proper education from their teachers, even with the “work to rule” strike still in place. I’m not here to discuss what they’re learning from their teachers.

I’m here tonight to discuss what they’re learning in school from their friends.

You’ve all seen the latest phenomenon. Bottles of water drank down to the last 1/4 of the bottle. Intentionally. It flips better that way. I’ve got mixed opinions on this little game. I’m cool with it. I’ll even admit I’ve flipped a few bottles myself.  It’s not as easy as the internet makes it seem. The only flipping I do now is flipping him off behind his back when he frustrates me. After listening to someone make it thunk a few times it starts to get annoying. Like a jackhammer-outside-your-bedroom-window-at-6-am-on-a-Saturday kind of annoying. Now he tries to flip everything. Empty kiddie cups. His bedroom garbage can. His clothes hamper (which a larger version of his garbage can). His reusable water bottle. A yogurt container. The ketchup. Fortunately, he hasn’t tried to flip his brother. 

Yet. 

Then there is this thing called “dabbing”. The best I can describe is that it’s a one step dance move. None of this 5,6,7,8 necessary. All that’s needed is the 5. One arm covers your eyes, the other arm goes out and up in the same direction. So now he wants to do everywhere he goes. He dabs in Walmart (though I suppose it’s normal to dab there. It’s normal to do almost everything there). He dabs when a camera points at him. He dabs while ice skating. It resembles Usain Bolt’s signature move. Except less cool. So less cool that it’s damn near boiling. 

Speaking of boiling… that’s hot. Though certainly not in “both ways”. I had to laugh when he came out with that one for the first time. He had just come inside from playing basketball or something and he was a bit sweaty and he tells me, “I’m hot.” He took a dramatic pause before laying on the charm, “In both ways.” 

Huh? You’re hot in both ways? “No, son. My wife (your mom) is hot in both ways after she’s done her walk/run thing that she does. You, sir, are 9.” If he’s hot in both ways, I’m too sexy for my shirt (like Right Said Fred said). I asked him, what are “both ways”? He defined the first way, no sweat. He wasn’t clear on the second way. When I say “wasn’t clear” I mean he hadn’t the foggiest idea. 

So thank you school for giving him such cool friends to teach him these cool things to do to drive his parents batshit crazy. I don’t even want to guess at what the next “cool” thing will be. I know it won’t be as cool as the Electric Slide, big hair, or “Eat my shorts.”

What fads and sayings do you remember from our glory days?

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