I’m sure you’ve all heard of climate change, formerly known as global warming. It’s causing glaciers and the polar ice caps to melt which causes the ocean levels to rise and the polar bears to lose their habitat. Without the ice to reflect the sunlight, the dark waters absorb more heat and thereby warms the Earth even faster. This heat difference also causes more extreme weathers – hotter summers and colder winters and severe weather, like hurricanes, are worsened by the effects of climate change.
And it’s all my fault.
Not mine directly, but my offspring. My offspring are killing the polar bears. Both of them as a matter of fact. What the hell is it with doors and lights? They have no trouble turning the light on when they enter a room. Yet, when they leave, through the exact same God damn door, they don’t bother to flick the switch down to turn the light off. The lights are on but noboby’s home. They love to burn light bulbs for the frickin’ dust bunnies. And because they don’t clean their rooms, there are plenty of those hopping around. All that energy just being wasted like we’ve got nothing better to spend our money on than the electricity to light up a room nobody is in. All that energy created by the power company who, I’m pretty sure I can hear laughing in the night, is laughing at me. They’re getting rich off me because my kids don’t know how to flick the switch a second time. They’re burning more and more CO2 emitting coal to light all the rooms nobody is in.
Then there are the doors to enter and exit the house. Like the switches they can flick up to turn on a light yet can’t flick down to turn the light off, they can open a door to get out of it, but can’t close it behind them. All of our nice, warm, cozy inside air wanders right out the door like a wayward teen. They can’t close it when they leave the house. They can’t close it when they enter the house. I have seen them exit by way of the back door and then immediately enter through the front door and leave both of them swinging wide open like a barn door a bull busted off the hinges. In JANUARY! I don’t like to be stereotypical, but if the only thing you know about Canada, is that it gets cold enough in winter to make Hoth look like a tropical resort. So because of my leave-the-door-flapping-in-the-freezy-breeze kids, the Earth is warming uncontrollably.
I’m sorry Earth.
Note: In Bang’s defence, he is significantly better at turning lights off when he leaves the room. The door is just as much a problem for both of them.