T is for Go Ask Your Father: Fenders, Pain, Walking, and Funerals #atozchallenge

is for Tons. Because everything with kids is endless.

There are tons of groceries to buy. There are tons of squabbles to either ref or breakup. There are tons of messes to clean. There are tons of rules and routines to explain over and over and over a ton of times.

Can I get an Amen because I’m preaching to the choir here!? As parents, we know this already. There’s a ton of shit to do. But do you know what there’s isn’t a ton of? Time. There’s never enough time, is there?

Since it’s Friday, there are tons of questions to answer. So many, in fact, that I’m having a hard time remembering them all. Crash had two at bedtime that were good. Can I remember them? I’ve got a memory like a sieve. Maybe he’ll remember what they were in the morning, but I doubt it.

1. What’s a fender do?

Another truck book, this time about big rigs. That fender will push things out of the way of that monster sized truck. It’s the first point of impact should that big rig get into an accident. It’ll also keep things from going underneath. Like the cow pusher thing on the front of a train. Except there are no cows on the highway.

2. Does it hurt to be electrocuted?

I’ve sorta answered this question before. It didn’t include pain threshold last time. So it depends. What I think hurts, your mom doesn’t notice. What your mom thinks hurts would kill me. If you stick your tongue on a 9 volt battery (those little rectangular ones) you’ll get a little shock, but it doesn’t really hurt. Put your tongue on a power line and it’ll be something you’ll never forget.

3. Why does he walk like that?

As parents there some questions that are inevitable. Sex. Babies. Body parts. Then there are questions that make us want to find the nearest black hole and jump in. To hell with spaghettification. This was one of those questions. Bang was riding in a cart at our local, friendly Wal-Mart. I couldn’t find what I looking for so I did what any dad would do, I asked for help. The gentleman I asked was very polite and very helpful and willing show me where to find whatever it was I was looking for. He has a very distinct gait and hence the question. He meant no harm, of course. He was curious. Why is he bald? Why is he dark skinned? Why does he walk like that? The gentleman was ahead of us. If he heard the question he ignored it. I simply told Bang, “It’s not nice to ask questions like that about other people.” Thankfully, he left it at that and I didn’t need that black hole after all.

4. If you and dad die, will I be old enough to go to the funeral?

We weren’t expecting this one, that’s for sure. We do live next door to a funeral home. We do sometimes play in that funeral home’s nice smooth parking lot. Sometimes we can’t because of all the cars of all the people attending the wake. Nothing like putting life into perspective by an eight year old, eh? He knows we’re not getting out of this world alive. I’d love to tell him he’ll be an old man when he and his brother attend their parent’s funeral, but life isn’t guaranteed, is it? Like raising kids, we can only do the best we can. The better we do the longer we might get. No matter. Yes, you will be old enough, buddy. No matter how old you are.

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