Passing the Test

couple-holding-hands-walking-tumblr-5Ah Dad has a Test for boys to pass if they intend to date his daughters. After reading his list (and his reasoning) I feel obligated to write my own. Except, since I have two boys, I figured there were two ways to take this. This first way will correspond with Ah Dad’s rules. However, the rules will pertain to Crash and Bang. Then perhaps, I will succeed in raising two boys who can pass the test to date his Princess. With some planning, a hell of a lot of instruction, guidance, and discipline, my kids won’t grow up to be a-holes.

Like he put it – my boys future wives won’t 1) end up with an a-hole husband, 2) there will be fewer arguments about why they argue with their future father-in-law, and 3) I won’t end up in jail for shooting the a-hole father-in-law who shot my a-hole son.

Ah Dad’s first rule was they had to be in school at the same time. Already, Crash is off his list just for being too young. Crash, stay in school anyway.

Crash needs to be a gentleman. Hold doors open, not let them slam shut like he does to his brother. Treat her with respect. Speak kindly. Not the way he does to his mom and dad, but nicely. And don’t kiss. Especially on the first date. No worries, right now though. He shields his eyes when he sees people kissing. We are teaching him to be kind to others. He may not be so to mom and dad, but his teachers adore him.

No tattoos, piercings, or big gold chains. Well, the tattoos I’m not sure I can prevent. His mom has three and I have two and we each want another. They’re tasteful, though. If he wants to get a tat in the future, hopefully, I can teach him to keep it tasteful and meaningful. Piercings I’m not worried about. Crash HATES needles. See how I made that bold AND italics? That because I can’t stress the amount of hate enough. The Dark Side kind of hate. Hmm, I guess that rules out getting inked, too.

Rule four was to pull his pants up. If underwear are showing he’ll be out on his ass. No worries. I know Crash hates jeans nearly as much as he hates needles and cleaning, but the pants he does wear are pulled up to his waist. He’s no thug. Nor will he ever be. Should he try to be, I’ll go thug on him until he realizes how uncool thugs really are.

His fifth rule is to have supper together, just the two of them, son-in-law and father-in-law. If I’ve been successful with rule number two, this won’t be an issue. He’ll be a gentleman, respectful, thoughtful, considerate, and everything else a father-in-law wants for a son-in-law. If I’m not successful, the world will have another a-hole to deal with and there are enough of those already.


Short hair? No problem. Both boys have had buzz cuts since they were two. Otherwise they get “helmet head” (sorry Uncle Kevin (my dad’s brother, not DW’s)). It’s spiky and sticks straight out, kind of like if chia pet mated with a golf course.

No skinny jeans? No worries. Crash hates any wearing jeans of any kind – skinny, fat, blue, green, long, short, etc… But should he decide to wear jeans, so long as they’re pulled up and presentable, I’ll be happy.

Rule eight was to call his future father-in-law “sir”. Again, if I’m successful at rule number two, respect shouldn’t be issue. Since we’ve come across rule number two a few times, I will be sure to stress and teach to the best of my abilities respect for others. It’s a work in progress. More work than progress most days.

Ah Dad’s rule number nine was dealing with how Princess dresses for her date. Essentially, if she wasn’t dressed as “Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act” she needs to reconsider what she’s wearing. I shall teach my boys to treat a girl as if she was dressed thusly. Don’t be a pig.

Rule ten-  When you go swimming with girls, look in their eyes. The two in their head; not the two protruding from their bathing suit. Again, it’s all about respect.

The eleventh rule is if it’s not yours, don’t touch. Especially, body parts. A neck rub is one thing, but keep the rubs at neck level or higher. Unless it’s her feet. Feet are okay. NOTHING in between. Like what I do to mom when you’re not looking. You can’t do that until you’re at least 30.

Lastly, I will teach them to find a girl they love. One who they can make feel as much a princess as she make them feel as much a king. One who they can love for who they are, allowing her to be herself. Find a girl who loves them for they are. Loves them in all their geeky, dorky, nerdy, goofy, adorable, weird ways.

The same way their mom loves me and I love their mom.


*End note – There is about 7 years age difference between our Crash and Ah Dad’s Princess. So the likelihood of them meeting is pretty slim. Never mind that we live in Canada and they live in South Africa.





14 thoughts on “Passing the Test

  1. My daughter once told me that a boy has to buy her a house if he wants to marry her and I saw her grab a boy by the collar on the soccer field and tell him, “We don’t push!” So she stands up for herself and has set the bar high. I’m willing to bet she’ll have higher standards than her dad or I could enforce, but it’s still too early to tell. She’s only 7.


  2. Sticking to your plan will not only ensure non a-holes but might imply I will have to hold back on the not-dating-younger-men rule.

    I also have to add that I have relaxed on the no-tattoos thing, as this was written a while ago and since then I have come to realise that most men seem to get a tattoo or two. So as long as it’s done tastefully, quoting your word….

    Liked by 1 person

    • HA! Thanks for reading. As for the no tattoos rule, I think it also depends on age. In my opinion, high school is too young to decide what you want on your body for the rest of your life. And so long as it’s done tastefully…

      As of right now, my boys are only a-holes to each other.

      Liked by 1 person

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  4. Love it! A well thought out list. One of the best compliments I ever recieved was from the parents of a girl my son was dating. They told me what a nice kid he was and that he was always respectful and polite. That was our goal. Even if he was sometimes a pain at home, he always needed to be a gentleman outside the house. He has remained friends with his ex-girlfriends too and I think that says something. BTW, he had both ears pierced a few years back and it doesn’t look bad. They are tasteful and he removes them for certain things. Just like tats, it’s all about moderation.


    • Thanks for reading! Sounds like there is still hope for us! Pierced ears are actually okay in my book. But not until they’re older. What a awesome compliment! Sure made a momma proud, I bet! Ours are a pain at home but their teachers love them. I’m hoping this continues. Well, hoping my hounding them all the time actually sticks 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love this one too! I playing catch up with blogs finally.

    Dating is scary for parents! My 18 year old has a serious courtship in progress now with his HS sweetheart and I have no nails and a full wine cabinet.

    My daughters not dating so it’s mute…. 😏

    Liked by 1 person

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