I’m a Judgmental Parent

We’ve all been in the grocery store or the Wal-Mart, or any other store where children like to “break down”. Maybe it’s your kid who breaks down, maybe it’s another. Maybe it’s your kids who gets the gimmees. Maybe it’s another. Maybe it’s your child who is on their best behavior. Maybe it’s another. Maybe it’s your kid who is hiding in the clothes rack. Maybe it’s your child’s father.  Either way, good or bad, I feel like I’m quick to judge.

These judgments are easy to make. I can clearly see the problem and can quickly thank my lucky stars it’s not my kids (this time). But sometimes the judgement is not on how your kid is behaving but how you are. Your parenting skills are put under a microscope and I will judge if what you are doing is right, wrong, smart or stupid. Are you a helicopter (or snowplow) parent? You shun processed food and server strictly organic and homemade food? Are you a stay home mom or do you have a career? And dads… where and how do you fit into the family? These are more difficult to judge because it takes observation and conversation. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to judge. It just happens. I know how DW and I are attempting to raise our two boys and anything different is strange.

There’s a splendid video (commercial?) depicting a stand-off at a playground between breastfeeding moms, “crunchy granola” moms, stay home dads, career moms, and a gambit of various stereotypes. They covered every kind of parent and they’re all quick to judge. Not so much as claiming themselves superior, but everyone else inferior. Nevermind… just watch it.

Now that I’ve said I’m judgmental, I also want to say I know when to keep my trap shut. I won’t say anything about what you and your kid are doing or how your behaving. It’ll simply be a thought that goes through my head. Judgmental thoughts usually don’t last any longer than the thoughts of a goldfish.

In the end, we’re all parents first. It matters not what I think of you, your kid or your parenting style. You’re a parent doing the best you know how. It doesn’t matter what you think of me, my kids or my parenting style. I am a parent doing the best I know how. We can still be best friends. Or friends. Or acquaintances. Or two strangers standing in the same long line at the busy grocery store.

Do I let my judgmental thoughts effect what I think of you as a person? Certainly not. Do I judge myself even more harshly than I do you? Absolutely. So lets let bygones be bygones and lets not let how we judge determine our treatment of others.

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14 thoughts on “I’m a Judgmental Parent

  1. What an interesting spot from Similac. I have a fond memory of a female physician (whom I adored). I couldn’t get my toddler to take her medicine. She said, “Who’s in charge here?!” Sigh. And I thought, “Wait until you have kids.” When her first son was very young, I was in the office for a visit. She said that she remembered this conversation and how she said, “Who’s in charge here?!” “And now,” she said, “I can’t get my son to take his medicine!” It’s the hardest work you’ll ever do, is parenting. And there are so many choices. You have to do what you think is right for you and yours. And hope for the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wouldn’t consider the thoughts that flit through your mind judging. They’re opinions, and everyone has them. To me, judging someone is declaring your opinion to them and possibly others. If you keep it to yourself and especially if you don’t let it impact how you treat someone, I don’t see the harm.

    I also wrote a post about this, because it’s been so painful to watch how people treat each other (especially in online support groups). It’s also difficult to go out with our son in situations which make his feeding tube obvious. I’ve had too many people walk up to me and say he doesn’t look like he needs a feeding tube, and if I just did x, y, and z he would magically eat enough to sustain himself.

    http://strugglingtothrive.com/2015/09/07/no-more-judgement/

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    • Excellent point. It doesn’t become judging until it’s vocalized. I do my best to not let it effect how i treat people. Isn’t rediculous how people can say the meanest things without even knowing the impact they are making. Especially online when they don’t have to look the person they are talking to in the eye. I’ll be sure to check out your post.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Whew, and stay away from the mommy boards if you don’t want to hear the judging.

    One thing that always pissed me off to no end was the endless barrage of negative comments I’d get because I taught LM daily and let him go to preschool for a couple days per week, mainly from my family. You’d think I was beating the child. “Let him be a kid, you shouldn’t do this to him…” Well, you know how the kid is, he loves learning, science, etc., even more so before TV/tablets/games.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Perhaps if we all took the time to teach our kids our schools wouldn’t be having the problems they are. Good for you! 😀 Funny how people think they know our kids better than we do and will provide unsolicited advice. If LM wants to learn (or BG, for that matter) then you teach them.

      Liked by 1 person

      • True that!

        I hate it. Judge all you want, but huuush (as long as the kid’s well being isn’t in question). Funny thing is, if my family knew LM better they’d have known he was doing exactly what he wanted.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. If judgemental has ever been taken seriously, then it has to be in India! We are out and loud and throw our opinions on others. Motherhood is a race between 2 mothers more than a journey between a child and a mother. Fatherhood is about ‘reminding your kids to study hard’ and become engineers or cricketers!
    😦

    Liked by 1 person

    • Interesting. I didn’t even think of this from the viewpoint within a different culture. I love that thought “motherhood is a race”. Not a race to the finish but a race as in culture. I think I’ll have to explore that thought experiment a bit further.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yeah… I’m a judgey mom too in some instances. I have received my fair share of outloud verbal judging from the crunchier parents, so I have become pretty quick to judge them. I’m trying to not be so judgey, especially about things that don’t *really* matter to anyone but the parent and child like those amber teething necklaces or piercing your baby’s ears as an infant or breastfeeding into toddlerhood. None of those things are for me, but if you want to do them, go on with your bad self and you do you! I’m ok with it!

    I will openly judge, however, on things that do matter: smoking in front of your children (especially in a car) and not vaccinating. Those are open season for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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