Mother’s Day

Well, Mother’s Day is around the corner. I’m going to help my kids give their mother a great day.

If they poop, I’ll wipe. 
The 22 month old will need diaper changes unless I let him run around the yard naked. Which is a major possibility. He’s only 22 month, he doesn’t know any better. And chances are I’ll snap a few picture for blackmail when he’s a teenager. “Don’t want to help clean? Then I’m sharing your ‘naked baby jumping on the trampoline’ pictures with the world.” The 5 year old is still learning wipe himself. God forgive if he ever poops and we’re not there to clean him up. He’s not sure where to stop wiping so it ends up near his neck. Well, on Mother’s Day I’ll be there for him.

I shall bring peace, order, cleanliness and silence upon the house like a temple of the Tibetan Monks. You know, those one who vow years of silence. Though cleaning with kids around is like shoveling the snow before the blizzard’s over. So maybe I’ll only bring peace, order and silence. The cleanliness will have to wait until the kids move out. Silence is easy. Instead of playing Hungry Hungry Hippos we’ll play Memory. Instead of playing Tag in the living room we’ll play hide and seek. I’ll hide in the car, it’s sure to be quiet in there!

Fancy Arts and Crafts
We’ll make the fanciest crafts this side of China Taiwan Japan. Not that lame macaroni pasta jewelry, but flowers that say “I love you” and on each petal is written a trait that is loved. Or a card cut out in the shape of tulip. Or a Mother’s Day wheel – the kind that have a little window cut out and as she turns the wheel a reason mom is loved shows up in the window. I may even try making some silhouettes. LOL Should be interesting with the 22 month old… he’ll need to be sedated. Nah, I won’t sedate him… I should have enough duct tape to hold him still for a while.

Breakfast in Bed
I’ll make breakfast in bed. Though I’m not sure the oven will fit in the bedroom so I’ll make it in the kitchen and let her eat it in bed. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep the kids downstairs. They’ll either a) want to eat in bed with her and make a giant mess or b) want to eat their breakfast in bed, too and make a giant mess. I’ll turn them into little “mommy servants” and walk around like butlers with a dish towel draped over their arm. Mommy wants her breakfast, go get it. Mommy wants a drink, go get it. Mommy wants a cookie, go get it (and DON’T EAT IT ON THE WAY UP!).

Coupons for quiet time. Coupons for diaper duty pass. Coupons for meal of her choosing. Coupons for tidying (I’m a tidier not a cleaner). Coupons skip out on any duties she wishes… bathing kids (who often morph into Free Willy in the tub) or lunch making or Brita filter filling. Coupon for cleaning help. Coupon for playing whatever she wants on the iPod. Coupon for going wherever she wants (with or without rug rats).

You know why Father’s Day is in June? A month after Mother’s Day men said “heeeeeey wait a minute!”

Crash and Mom on Mother’s Day (Bang wanted NO part of getting his picture taken). We made her the “Wheel of Love” and three tulip shaped cards (and had chocolate, chocolate chip muffins and ice cream).


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